This week on “The City,” it’s organic curtains made of bamboo and dingo hair for Whitney and Jay. They are dunzo, or as they say down under, OVAH. And there were snide remarks, poorly feigned anger and even some tears. I know, tragic times in the magical world of make-believe. Allow me to talk you through it.
While just last week Jay professed his disdain for taking Whitney out on dates, he harbors no such qualms about escorting Adam out on the town. Jay and this band, Tamarama SPONSORED BY MTV, is going out on tour, for an unknown period of time, and it seems Jay has known about this for a significant period of time, and hasn’t told Whit.
Adam tells Jay that it will be really hard to keep the faith with Whitney when there are women throwing their underpants at him while he’s onstage. Or when women throw puppies at him, or diamonds. All of these scenarios are equally likely, so I don’t see what the problem is. Jay gets dressed up and meets Whitney for dinner, where he spills the news that he’ll be on the left coast in 5 short days. Whitney doesn’t seem upset, just inquisitive. Like when she asks how long he’s known this was in the works. He says it was “before Miami” – and that’s when our girl Whit busts a synapse.
Jay gets faux angry, puts words in her mouth about how she wouldn’t trust him and other things that Whitney doesn’t even bring up, all because he knows he fungled this, big time. Pissed, Whitney leaves, but not before she pulls a classic “zing him on the way out” move by telling him to sleep somewhere else and saying, “Maybe you should call Danielle.” She’s probably in the restaurant somewhere anyway.
Whitney is now in the trenches of sad-sap-patheticness, questioning whether Jay even likes her at all. She reasons: He sure seemed to like me the first night we met, when he felt me up in the middle of the street and I had to leave town the next day. She tells Erin that she feels like she’s drowning.
Except that this is real life, and despite this epic crisis, Whitney still has a job to do, and today that job is to give a presentation to 25 members of the DVF global PR team. Luckily, Whitney is well prepared and nails the monologue on why this season’s handbags are so important (including, “we don’t want to look to a bag as a burden,” and something about “accessible luxuries,” all of which receive nods from Ms. VF herself).
When it’s Olivia’s turn, however, she stumbles over her words and exhibits the personality and intelligence of a shampoo bottle. Olivia says that from an editorial standpoint, she’s “hearing a multipletude of things” and regarding a particular bag, blankly states, “Um, globally it has relevance.” Then she gives her customary “tee-hee” eating poo grin and everyone tries desperately to forget the last 3 minutes. Except Whitney, who will remember it for-ev-er.
Back at Whitney’s apartment, Jay stops by to hash things out. Whitney’s not willing to just give up on the relationship, but he snaps and says that he can already picture her bawling him out on the phone every night, wanting to talk about her problems. You know, like when you’re in a relationship? Can you imagine? Then he says what he’s been wanting to say for awhile now, which is that he needs to be by himself so that when girly drawers and plush koala bears are thrown at him, he can confidently reach out and grab em all. He also pretends to cry and says she means everything to him. But then he leaves. And Whitney is sad, but I suspect this will work out for the best.
Season finale next week! Will Lauren give Whitney good advice? Will Olivia make up some more new words? And what happened to Nevan and his shiny black underwear?
-By Nicole Homewood