POOR Jack Bauer. There is simply no joy in the man’s life. In fact, things have turned so bad this season that if Jack were Oprah, he’d be so depressed by now that he’d weigh 600 pounds.
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And that’s why I love Jack. You never see him crying in his beer about how depressed he is. (Except for once, when the bad guys turned him into a drug addict.)
So after a week of upsetting fatty celebrity news, I’m happy to report that we all have Jack Bauer to look forward to when he returns for two – count ’em, two – hours Sunday night. And better yet, Fox, bless ’em, is giving us another two hours on Monday night! Yeah!
That’s four hours in Jack Bauer time – which is like light years, but longer.
Anyway, when last we saw Jack (on the November teaser/taster movie), it was four years after Season 6 ended, and Jack managed to rescue an entire school of boys who were being used as child soldiers in Africa by the vicious dictator.
In exchange for seeing the children safely aboard an aircraft, Jack had to give himself up to the authorities who returned him to the US, where he is – unbelievably! – a wanted man. Sunday night’s premiere opens with Jack facing a Senate subcommittee hearing on whether or not he used torture on suspected terrorists.
In fact, the season takes place this time in DC, where new President Allison Taylor (Cherry Jones) has just taken office – fresh on the heels of her son’s apparent suicide. But much bigger forces are at work – which means an almost all new cast of quirks, jerks, brilliant maniacs and terrifying situations.
Anyway, Jack’s hearing gets interrupted by the FBI, which requests Jack’s assistance because – oh no! – someone has broken through Homeland Security’s firewall and is taking control of all of the communications systems including air traffic control.
It all leads to Jack discovering that someone he knew (and you knew) was killed and is dead and buried, isn’t. I’m not telling you just who or you’d come gunning for me, but trust me, somehow, the writers get away with this gimmick without making it look like a storyline from “All My Children.”
All the new characters are wonderfully drawn, including FBI agent Walker (Annie Wersching); bad, bad guy Jonas Hodges (Jon Voight); a new Chloe-type nerd (Janeane Garofalo).
Especially good are Jones and her husband (Colm Feore), who is more consumed with solving his son’s death than in being First Man.
Whew! Thank God there is Jack Bauer – unchanging, unflinching. He may be the only one keeping us safe from wimps and TV crybabies.