October 26, 2008

Red Bulls back into MLS Cup playoffs

By BRIAN LEWISThe Red Bulls didn't back into the MLS Cup playoffs. Juan Carlos Osorio's struggling bunch did a head-over-heels, downhill backwards tumble into the postseason.But they're there, thanks to...

DiPietro to see doctor

By DAN MARTINIslanders goaltender Rick DiPietro will go see a doctor about his knee on Monday after he was injured in the Islanders 4-3 loss to the Hurricanes on Saturday.DiPietro...

JETS STINK, BUT SURVIVE LOWLY CHIEFS

No disrespect intended, but the Jets stunk today. Yes, even in a 28-24 comeback victory over the lowly Chiefs at Giants Stadium, they stunk. You know it. They know it....

HUDSON: BRING HIM BACK

A devastated Jennifer Hudson today pleaded for help in finding her 7-year-old nephew, who disappeared after the brutal murders of the singer's mom and brother Friday. "Thank you for all...

CAR HITS RESTAURANT ON BROADWAY AND WEST 100TH STREET

An SUV carrying a Haitian senator in the U.S. on a hurricane relief fund-raising mission blew through the window of an Upper West Side restaurant after colliding with a yellow...

Favre's wife defends Brett

Brett Favre's wife, Deanna, defended her husband after the Jets quarterback was blitzed this week by the media after a phone conversation he had with Lions' officials before Detroit played...

PLAX AT IT AGAIN

PITTSBURGH - If Plaxico Burress is trying to run himself off the Super Bowl champion Giants he's doing an excellent job of it. Incredibly, Burress is in trouble again. Tom...

Plaxico in trouble again, may not start

BY PAUL SCHWARTZPITTSBURGH - If Plaxico Burress is trying to run himself off the Super Bowl champion Giants he's doing an excellent job of it.Incredibly, Burress is in trouble again....

HEY, BIG SPENDERS

With nearly $1.6 trillion raised by the campaigns through the end of September, this election has been the most expensive ever waged. The money flowing into the campaigns - which...

IT'S BUB-BAMA

America's "first black president" is going to stump with the man who may truly become the nation's first black president. Bill Clinton and Barack Obama will pump up the final...

PIT BULL TURNS ON MCMAVERICK

Sarah Palin is the rogue elephant in the GOP war room. The maverick mom is distancing herself from John McCain and blowing off the advice of senior Republican aides, convinced...

O PRIMED FOR 1/2-HR. TV PITCH

Not since 1992, when Ross Perot purchased prime-time TV blocks to present his agenda - graphs, big ears and all - has a presidential candidate bought slots on major networks...

MCGAINING IN LATEST POLL

John McCain is making strides among independents, but he's still trailing Barack Obama by 51-42 percent with only a nail-biting 10 days before Election Day, according to a Zogby poll...

JOHN RIPS O 'INAUGURAL SPEECH'

John McCain mocked the Barack Obama campaign yesterday after a report surfaced that the Democratic hopeful's inaugural address was already written. "I want him to save that manuscript . ....

MADONNA SET TO 'BURY' GUY

Madonna plans to bury more than just the hatchet with soon-to-be ex-hubby Guy Ritchie. The Material Mom has ordered her assistant to gather all items she received from Ritchie -...

LOTTERY

NEW YORK Midday Nos. Sat.: 163; Lucky Sum: 10 / Midday Win-4 Sat.: 3248; Lucky Sum: 17 / Evening Nos. Sat.: 015; Lucky Sum: 6 / Evening Win-4 Sat.: 4905;...

'EXTREME' NEW-HOME $$ WOES

Some dream homes built by the hit ABC show "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" have turned into gaping money pits, according to struggling families facing increased property taxes and utility costs....

THAT'S BLOODY RICH: LONDON GETS A WALDORF

The Waldorf-Astoria, one of New York's oldest and most venerable hotels, is about to become the new kid on the London block - and the second of its kind in...

PEEPERS VS. THE PLUMBER

Joe the Plumber's personal records may have been illegally spied on through state and law-enforcement computer systems in his home state. Information about Joseph Wurzelbacher's SUV and driver's license was...

IT'S A BOY FOR SNL'S POEHLER

Veteran "Saturday Night Live" co-star Amy Poehler gave birth to a boy yesterday, according to published reports. After being in labor all day long, Poehler was expected to be a...

DREAMGIRL DEVASTATION

The city of Chicago has remained a haven for Jennifer Hudson throughout her climb to stardom - but her return to the Windy City on Friday was a journey of...

NYPD DAILY BLOTTER

BROOKLYN * Police are searching for the three teen thugs pictured above who beat a woman during a robbery attempt in an East New York subway station. The three attacked...

THE METS ARE LOADED

Go ahead, Met fans - make their day. Sluggers David Wright and Carlos Delgado are two of the city's newest young guns - both were granted pistol permits over the...

LAWSUIT IN B'WAY BEATDOWN

Oscar-nominated actor Terrence Howard allegedly assaulted composer Tex Allen in a backstage beatdown as they worked together on Broadway's "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" last winter, according to a...

PREGNANT QNS. MOM, UNBORN CHILD BRUTALLY SLAIN

A pregnant woman was found viciously stabbed to death in her Queens apartment yesterday - her due date - in a horrific attack that left her unborn infant dead as...

LENO-SALE GARAGE HAS SHADY PAST

The garage at the center of the Jay Leno car-snatching lawsuit has seen its share of scandals - and the bad blood has lingered. In 1997, a city and federal...

GREAT DANE PAIN

A Manhattan real-estate broker claims she suffered debilitating injuries when she was trampled by a Great Dane - and now she plans to Marma-duke it out in court. Clyde Butler...

HEARING ON TRACK

State Attorney General Andrew Cuomo will hold a hearing tomorrow on the growing Long Island Rail Road "Gravy Train" federal pension scam. The meeting, expected to be attended by five...

CITY ROCKS THE BOAT ON DOCK SQUATTERS

The Anton family is not ready to sail off into the sunset - but the city says they have to ship out. For 18 years, George and Elena and their...

BANK THAW ENDING BORROW SORROW

To loan seekers in Manhattan last week, the credit crunch seemed nowhere to be found. Despite reports that bank lending is at a standstill, a collection of banks in New...

TORMENT BEFORE ISIAH COLLAPSE

In the months before his mysterious overdose, Isiah Thomas was steeped in sadness and loneliness, agonizing over his failed tenure as New York Knicks coach and dreaming that one day...

COUNCIL VOTE'S SHADOWY 'YES' MAN

He was the man who never was in the term-limits battle. He was dressed in a nondescript windbreaker, helping to round up supporters for Mayor Bloomberg's plan to extend term...

TRAGIC STAB GUY

A 25-year-old man stabbed in the neck during a bloody brawl outside a Times Square movie theater was left partially paralyzed from the attack, sources said. The man was taken...

'I'VE BEEN VIOLATED' BY COPS

Pale and teary-eyed, the Brooklyn man who accuses cops of sodomizing him with a radio antenna met with the Rev. Al Sharpton yesterday and insisted he's telling the truth about...

BIG APPLE IS GHOST TOWN, NY

These places are scarier than the economy. If you don't want to wait until Friday for your Halloween chills and thrills, take a tour of these city haunts. If you...

'BRONX TALE' THUG'S BABE SAYS BEAT IT

Stefanie Armento, the daughter of accused cop killer Steven Armento and the ex-flame of his alleged accomplice, actor Lillo Brancato, has shut both men out of her life. The 23-year-old...

THE WEEK'S WINNERS AND LOSERS

WINNERSSTEVE JOBS Apple CEO excites investors after surpassing quarterly profits estimates on strong iPhone sales.DONALD TRUMP Wins right to build super-sized Long Island restaurant and catering hall.SUSAN TOEPFER Former editor...

SUMNER'S HELL WEEK

It's been a train-wreck two-week stretch for Sumner Redstone, the cantankerous media mogul who saw his personal, business and family worlds come crashing down around him. The 85-year-old majority owner...

THE CONSUMER: R.I.P.

The great American consumer - much like the Norwegian Blue parrot of Monty Python fame - is dead. A stiff. Bereft of life. He rests in peace. The US consumer...

INVESTORS: BE VERY CAUTIOUS

Dear John: Love your column and views. So here we are (Friday) with futures down the limit. The experts told investors not to sell - meanwhile all the little guys...

$OMEBODY PLEASE HELP!

With stocks crashing about 40 percent this year, investors have seen their retirement and investment portfolios lose years of hard-fought gains - dropping, in some circumstances, to levels they were...

PUSH TO REVIVE RISKY LOANS

The riskiest type of government-backed mortgages could soon return to haunt the country. Rep. Christopher Shays, the embattled lawmaker in a close race for his seat in tony Fairfield County,...

DEVANEY BOOED OFF STAGE

JOHN Devaney, who be came the poster-boy for hedge-fund blow-ups when his $600 million fund went belly-up earlier this year after a wrong-way bet on the direction of the asset-backed...

LAMPERT'S A HUGE LOSER: $30M/HOUR

Even for a billionaire hedge-fund titan, losing $30 million an hour has got to be a bummer. That's what Eddie Lampert, the chairman of Sears Holdings, has experienced with just...

WHEN TO JUMP BACK INTO MARTS

WHILE there's no question about what's been happening to stock market averages, the real question of the day is whether now is the time to buy stocks. Indeed, the frequency...

NEW LOW FOR A PATHETIC FIGURE

PHILADELPHIA - This isn't about the Knicks any longer, or about the historically bad job Isiah Thomas did running that organization for five years. This isn't even about the horrible...

COMPTROL HOPEFULS IN TERM-LIMIT LIMBO

THE extension of term limits is creat ing havoc for the four city officials hoping to succeed Comptroller Bill Thompson. Thompson insists he won't be returning to his old job...

WEIRD BUT TRUE

Anyone thinking Santa Claus had come early was in for a big surprise. Cops investigating reports of a person stuck up a chimney in Wigan, England, found a wedged, naked...

TAX TOOL

"Non-filer syndrome" is nothing more than lawyerspeak for "The first year I did not file, and, after that, I thought that filing would cause me to get caught." ("Dave Aide's...

ACORN'S NUTS

Here's America's recipe for disaster: 2 parts voter fraud (may substitute a bushel of ACORNS); 3 parts biased media (trim off any residual journalistic integrity); 1/2 part presidential candidate (bent...

ILLEGALLY OURS

With the many illegal immigrants who worked at the Saigon Grill and who'll receive $4.6 million in back pay, how many of them are now going to be "back taxed"...

JOBA THE MUTT

It's a good thing that Joba Chamberlain was insulted and stormed out of that bar ("Beer & a Potshot for Joba," Oct. 21). Imagine what could have happened if he...

FLIRTING WITH DISASTER

Giddy. It's gotten giddy out there. Every day is Christmas, and Democrats wake up in the morning bouncing like toddlers as they unwrap each new gift from the pollsters. Barack...

POPE PIUS WAS NO SAINT

The streets of Paris ask an insistent moral question, now more than half a century old but as pertinent as ever. On many street corners, small plaques commemorate those who...

BLOG WATCH

Feeling blue "[The states] with the largest percentage of taxpayers who would lose at least part of their Bush tax cuts under the Obama plan: Connecticut: 5.1%; District of Columbia:...

THE LAST LINCOLNS

With the 200th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln's birth just a few months away, scholars are cranking out Honest Abe books even faster than usual. You'd think it would be difficult...

THE WIDOWS OF EASTWICK

Long ago, John Updike set a goal for himself: To write a book annually, with a novel at least every other year. "There comes a time in the year when...

REQUIRED READING

Bat-Manga! The Secret History of Batman in Japan by Chip Kidd (Pantheon) Holy sake, Batman! When Adam West donned the Caped Crusader costume for TV in the mid-1960s, the Japanese...

THE DECLINE OF MEN

"Real men," writes Guy Garcia in his new book, "The Decline of Men", "don't cry or back down from an argument - or eat quiche." Almost as an afterthought he...

IN MY LIBRARY: RICHARD GRIFFITHS

Not surprisingly for the man who starred in "The History Boys," Richard Griffiths reads an awful lot of history. "But I'm all over the map, really," he told The Post's...

AMERICAN THERAPY

Ever since the Puritans landed in Massachusetts ready to build their "City on a Hill," American soil has been the most fertile in the world for new idealistic movements. In...

CHUCK 'EM, DAVE

If Gov. Paterson wants to jolt Ground Zero rebuilding (and save a few million in the process), he should listen to Mayor Bloomberg - and shut down the Lower Manhattan...

HIGH-SEA HOODLUMS

It's about time to keelhaul some pirates. Or kill them. Whatever works best. Three warships from NATO's standing seven-vessel maritime response force are stationed off the African coast to provide...

WITH FAVRE, JETS' OFFENSE ANYTHING BUT 'THE BOMB'

THE soft spots on the Jets schedule are disappearing almost as fast as has Vernon Gholston. The Dolphins are competitive, the Rams suddenly competent, the Bills for real and reports...

JETS NEED TO NAIL DOWN EASY WIN VS. AWFUL KC

The Jets are fresh off losing a game they shouldn't have lost, leaving a potential fourth victory of this 2008 season splayed out on the clumpy turf in Oakland last...

JONES IN RUSH TO GET AT CHIEFS' DILAPIDATED D

As incredible as it may sound, the Jets have not had a running back rush for 100 or more yards in consecutive games since Curtis Martin did it four years...

MUHANNAK SNAGS MARATHON

ARCADIA, Calif. - Europe got on the board for the first time in this year's Breeders' Cup. Ireland's Muhannak, a 12-1 shot trained by Ralph Becket and ridden by Pat...

'MAXIMUS' EFFORT IN DIRT MILE

ARCADIA, Calif. - In the second running of the $1 million Breeders' Cup Dirt Mile - run at a mile and 70 yards last year at Monmouth Park, and over...

MIGLIORE CAPTURES FIRST CUP WIN

ARCADIA, Calif. - In one of the great days of his life, New York's jockey Richard Migliore smashed all the jinxes and roared to a tote-busting triumph in the Turf...

'HOOLIGAN' DONATIVUM VICTORIOUS

ARCADIA, Calif. - The Europeans, hot as the Mojave Desert, struck again in the $1 million Breeders' Cup Juvenile Turf when a gelding named Donativum, described by his trainer as...

'LUTE' WINS SPRINT AGAIN

ARCADIA, Calif. - Bob Baffert strikes again. An hour after saddling Midshipman to win the Juvenile, "Bullet Bob" sent out Midnight Lute to crush seven outclassed opponents in the Breeders'...

SYNTHETIC SURFACE NO EXCUSE

ARCADIA, Calif. - All the worst fears came true. The Curlin dream died in the fake synthetic surface of Santa Anita yesterday. The best horse in the world, with more...

RAVEN'S PASS SNAGS CLASSIC AS FAVORITE FLOPS

ARCADIA, Calif. - They billed the 25th running of the $5 million Breeders' Cup Classic at Santa Anita as "Curlin against the world," and the world won. Seeking to defend...

BAFFERT COLT WINS JUVENILE

ARCADIA, Calif - After dominating the spring classics from 1997-2002, trainer Bob Baffert has been conspicuous by his absence in the Triple Crown. That could change next year after "Bullet...

EUROPEAN SUPERSTAR GOLDIKOVA ROLLS IN MILE

ARCADIA, Calif. - The European contingent unveiled a real superstar to American audiences when Goldikova thrilled the Santa Anita crowd with a brilliant burst of speed to score a 11/4-length...

CONDUIT CRUISES

ARCADIA, Calif. - As the sun began to set on the Santa Anita panorama, the 25th running of the Breeders' Cup began to look like a beneficiary for European grass...

DEVS FALL AFTER PUNK PHILLY FAN'S SMOKY STUNT

PHILADELPHIA - A hostile crowd is the accepted burden of a pro athlete. Having to play under attack from a flaming missile tossed out of the stands is not part...

BRONX BUMMER: BURNETT MAY NOT WANT TO BE A YANK

PHILADELPHIA - The Yankees are willing to spend big glue to repair their starting rotation. But are they able? With C.C. Sabathia looking to stay in the NL and liking...

BAD JOBA

* Comments made by Yankees' executive vice president Hal Steinbrenner following Joba Chamberlain's DUI arrest personify ignorance. Within The Post's article ["Beer & a potshot for Joba," The Post and...

YANKS' DECISION LOOKING BAD

PHILADELPHIA - Last off season the Yankees refused to include Phil Hughes in a package for Johan Santana. Hughes made that decision look horrendous during the season, and isn't stopping...

PAIR OF 5-1 TEAMS TANGLE IN PITTSBURGH

PITTSBURGH - Will the matchup this afternoon at Heinz Field be looked back on in early February when the Giants and Steelers are gearing up for Super Bowl XLIII? It...

TOMLIN GIVES KUDOS TO JACOBS

PITTSBURGH - Steelers coach Mike Tomlin let out what can best be described as a muffled chuckle when asked this past week what he sees when he studies tape of...

ELI'S AHEAD OF ROETHLISBERGER

PITTSBURGH - In the beginning, it was Ben Roethlisberger who was looking more like John Unitas, Ernie Accorsi's favorite quarterback, than Eli Manning. Big Ben, 23 at the time, was...

DIPIETRO INJURED IN DEFEAT

The good news for the Islanders was that they set a franchise record with 60 shots on goal. The bad news was that Doug Weight missed a penalty shot that...

ZHERDEV GOAL IN FINAL SECONDS A GAME-SAVER

This was thrilling Broadway theater. The Rangers, who had stormed back throughout a pulsating third period to score twice, and who pushed the match to OT on Nikolai Zherdev's scorching...

BREWERS MULL DEAL OF FIELDER

PHILADELPHIA - The Brewers have informed teams they are willing to listen to offers for first baseman Prince Fielder. "They have put it out there they are will talk about...

THIS PHILLIES WIN HAD SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE

PHILADELPHIA - Doesn't it figure? The Phillies are built for this ballpark, constructed to club baseballs over the inviting fences that seem to lurk about 25 feet beyond the basepaths,...

ON TV, IGNORE WHAT YOU SEE

TV puts a pay-back price on everything. For every camera added we may see more crowd shots and less game. In exchange for high definition pictures we will get more...

RUMBLE

Lights, camera, action! Garden gives kids glimpse into hoops & TV High school kids with television careers in their futures learned a little something about swishin' and dishin' behind the...

AGITATOR LEMIEUX SEEKS RETURN TO NHL

IF ALL goes according to plan, Claude Lemieux, 43 and retired since 2002-03, will be in the AHL by the middle of next month to make a pit stop on...

FAMILIAR TEAMS AT TOP OF CONFERENCE

THANK you for asking. I don't mean to gloat but, yes, I had a very good summer. I finally learned how to color between the lines. I can't remember working...

SPORTS SHORTS

NFL: Haslett contract denied The NFL denied the Rams' attempt to rework a contract with interim coach Jim Haslett that would ensure him a job beyond this season if he...

TURNCOAT'S RETURN ELICITS LITTLE ANGER FROM JETS FANS

This should feel differently than it does, this homecoming of Herm Edwards. There should be some emotions attached to it. There should still be anger, or resentment, or remorse, or...

BROWNIES BAKIN' UP AN UPSET

Including the 1997-2007 seasons in The Post, Cat's 13-year record in print stands at 354-295 (54.5 percent) against the spread.THE PICK Browns (+7) over JAGUARS: Brownies couldn't quite pull off...

COME TO NY IF YOU'RE LOADED FOR BEAR

THE big-game hunting season is underway in New York State and unlike our neighbors in New Jersey, bear hunting continues to expand to new areas. Unless you've been living in...

GARZA GET CLOCKED IN LATE START

PHILADELPHIA - It might have been the 91-minute rain delay at the start of the game that caused a tightly-wound Matt Garza to labor early last night against the Phillies...

OLD STORY HAS HAPPY ENDING

PHILADELPHIA - Steve Carlton, clad in a No. 32 Phillies jersey, stood only about 20 feet away from Philadelphia's backup catcher Chris Coste to deliver the ceremonial first pitch before...

COLLINS IN NO-LOSE SITUATION

The statistics next to Kerry Collins' name are not as gaudy as they once were. He is more likely now to throw short passes to the tight end than unleash...

HONDO: 10 ON NINERS

The Rays failed to weather the storm in Philly last night, which forced Hondo to make a withdrawal that reduced the total in his account to 350 gionfrid dos. Today,...

WACKY 9TH INNING DOOMING TO RAYS

PHILADELPHIA - The odds of escaping a no-out, bases-loaded jam are long. Add the pressure of facing the problem in the ninth inning of a World Series game on the...

JINTS TO PROVE THEIR METTLE IN THE STEEL CITY

TODAY Giants (+3) over STEELERS: Having gorged themselves on bonbons in four of their last five appearances under colors, Big Blue now charges into the teeth of a savage 10-game...

RUIZ DRIBBLER DRIVES IN WINNING RUN FOR PHILS

PHILADELPHIA -- A long night's journey into the early morning proved well worth the wait for the Phillies. One inning after he nearly blew it with a costly throwing error,...

IONA PREP FINALLY TOPS ST. ANTHONY'S

It wasn't the postseason, but Iona Prep will take it. The Gaels have lost to St. Anthony's in the playoffs for three straight years, unable to knock off the perennial...

SERBY'S SUNDAY Q&A WITH . . . CHRIS DUHON

The Post's Steve Serby chatted with the Knicks new point guard, who won a national championship with Duke in 2001.KNICKS BLOG Q: You played a pickup game (in Chicago) with...

KNICKS TIX KEEP PACE

Coming off a 23-win season, with an awful economy and a roster that barely changed much, Knicks brass was concerned attendance this season would suffer dramatically. Based on early projections,...

EWING, ROBERSON VIE FOR ROSTER SPOT

With the preseason history, the Knicks will begin to debate their final roster decision today. "We're going to sit down [today] and go over all the different ideas we both...

FRANK PLOTTING NETS' ROTATION

Can't everyone just get together here? Nets coach Lawrence Frank has plenty of options for this season, but the mad scientist is more like the frustrated scientist for the lack...

JOEPA'S LIONS SHUCK THE BUCKEYES

COLUMBUS, Ohio - Things keep looking up for coach Joe Paterno and his Penn State team - literally. The Nittany Lions look up to the legendary coach from Brooklyn, who...

Q&A WITH JOHN LITHGOW

WHETHER YOU KNOW him as the villain in "Ricochet" or "Footloose," as the wacky alien in "3rd Rock From the Sun," or as a sensitive, lonely lover in "Terms of...

STREET HEART

OF ALL THE NEW YORKERS who ever scribbled their names or doodled on a subway platform, building wall or billboard, Keith Haring is undoubtedly the best known. You likely recognize...

RATS ALL, FOLKS: MEET HARING'S HEIR

The identity of today's most famous street artist may be a mystery, but there's one thing we know about Banksy: He is rich. Preposterously, obscenely rich. His work has sold...

DOG'S BREAST FRIEND

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Dogs can get breast cancer, too, and females who had puppies are at higher risk. But here's the good news: Just as early mammograms...

AGENDA

This week: Be aghast and appalled! In honor of Halloween, we bring you free films about ghosts and goblins; a haunted forest in Inwood; a pub crawl (ghastly hangover guaranteed);...

DON'T BE A PUSS!

Over the years, I've noticed that when I ask you all to write to me, women mostly write short, straightforward replies, such as, "Pookie loves to lick the butter off...

MYSTERIOUS ROUT

BEFORE the world championship began in Bonn, Germany, two weeks ago, Vladimir Kramnik reassured his fans he would be well rested, well conditioned and well prepared. Well - then what...

BRIDGE

I WAS in the club lounge, and Cy the Cynic's team was having a post-match "charge session," reviewing the match and assigning each other "charges" for bad bids and plays:...

'SHIELD' STAR PROMISES SHATTERING FINALE

As emotionally draining as it is to watch "The Shield," it's even more intense to actually be in it. "There were days and weeks where I didn't want to be...

FINAL CONVERSATION

A very pleasant British woman with spiky hair stands on Hollywood Boulevard and invites a young woman with turquoise earrings to talk to her. "I see a spirit walking with...

REEL GOOD

THE BODYGUARD (1992) Tuesday, 9:15 a.m., OxygenA great, romantic, girly movie starring Whitney Houston as a pop diva and Kevin Costner as an ex-presidential secret agent with a past, who...

NO KIDDING

Can Kevin McKidd save "Grey's Anatomy"? The suave, golden-haired Scottish actor from the memorable HBO "Rome" series has been imported to boost the sagging fortunes of the once-mighty ABC medical...

THE QUEEN OF COMEDY

It's easy to make Tina Fey laugh: Just tell her she's TV's Queen of Comedy. Then ask her what her subjects can expect from her reign. The question leaves her...

PRIMETIME

If you thought this presidential campaign was frighteningly short on substance and thoroughly depressing, wait until the next one! The mold has been struck. The pursuit of the American voting...

FALL SERIES GET EARLY PICKUPS

As November sweeps gets under way, there are no raging hits among the season's new shows, but the networks have given votes of confidence to enough programs to give viewers...

DON'T MISS LIST

CATEGORY: COMEDY 'Betty' rival Now that Kimmie (Lindsay Lohan) has a job at Mode (her qualifications include working at a fast food joint), Betty finds herself competing with her childhood...

COOLIO AND THE GANG

It's Coolio's turn to pimp out his family on reality TV. The aging rapper appears with four of his six children - Artisha, 20, Brandi, 19, Artis, 18, and Jackie,...

CELLER

T.I.'s insane success comes with a heavy price tag. The Georgia rapper, who sits atop the Billboard 200 with his sixth album, "Paper Trail," as well as on five other...

MGMT BOYS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN

Andrew VanWyngarden is a softie. That is, when it comes to tacos. "I'm taco-obsessive," says VanWyngarden, half of the electric-pop-indie-rock buzz band MGMT, calling during a five-hour layover at the...

'PAINT'-ING PEACE

In February, Maxim magazine printed a negative review of "Warpaint," the Black Crowes' first new CD in seven years, saying that it "hasn't left Chris Robinson and the gang much...

SCREEN SCREAMS

The real world these days is almost as scary as anything Stephen King could dream up. But that doesn't mean we should cancel everyone's favorite scariest day of the year,...

PROOF POSITIVE

Even amid the sumptuous offerings in this year's Classic Malts Selection from Diageo, this 29-year-old rare edition of Port Ellen astounds. Savor a homecoming whiff of hot apple pie wafting...

CAFFE HITS THE SPOT

Lugo Caffe One Penn Plaza; 212-760-2700 Unless you consider the food at Sbarro to be cuisine, the dining options around Madison Square Garden have never been choice quality. Luckily, you'll...

GIUSTO, 28, AND MONTEFINISE, 27

Oct. 4 - Michelle Montefinise and Stephen Giusto's first date at Jones Beach may not have gone perfectly: "A wave crashed into us while we were walking by the water,...

SAVINO, 49, AND KERWICK, 32,

Sept. 13 - An argument over potatoes turned into a proposal for Colleen Kerwick and Kenneth Savino. "He proposed after we fought over potato recipes!" says Kerwick, an international aviation...

CEREZO, 33, AND GAJ, 33

Sept. 26 - Jennifer Gaj and Patrick Cerezo's wedding photo session hit a high - and hysterical - note when the bride posed for a picture on a piano. "I...

MEET MARKET

Good things come in small packages for Nael, a 27-year-old financial associate. His dream girl is genuine, petite and happy-go-lucky. Little ladies, this guy's for you!Diana, 26 career counselor She...

NOTHING TO 'WINE' ABOUT

Priya, a 27-year-old information scientist, was looking for a thinker who could not only carry a conversation but also make it interesting. Just as we hoped, Saul, a 28-year-old media...

PALIN'S NEXT MOVE

Even if the John McCain campaign loses on Election Day - not a guarantee, no matter what liberals think - Alaska Governor Sarah Palin will emerge a winner.Pitt Bull Turns...

IT TAKES A VILLAGE

The parlor game at The Waverly Inn, Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter's It restaurant, is trying to identify the greats who grace the dining room-long mural by noted illustrator Edward...