A memory of happier times from the trio’s days as “Three Musketeers”
Spencer shoots her the dagger eyes and says yeah, hang with Lauren. Heidi is more passive-aggressive with her disdain. “I can’t, like, tell you who to hang out wi–.” But Spencer cuts her off. “I can. While you’re living under this roof, there is no Lauren fraternizing, socializing, etc.” Having said his peace, he slithers away saying, “It’s always a pleasure.”
Scene: People’s Revolution
Lauren and Whitney appear to be having a working lunch, and quite frankly, I’m surprised that Dear Leader even allows them to eat. Lauren tells Whitney how things with Horsey have greatly improved after a little chat and some huggy time. “I think that happens with all your friends, you know? Up and down.” Hmmm, yeah I don’t think so, Lauren. Then Lauren gets a text message from devious She-Tag saying she wants to see her, and she acts as though she is shocked because of the tired drama with Heidi. Whitney puts it all in perspective since Lauren is intent on being friends with all of Spencer and Heidi’s female relatives. “You can’t escape from it, that’s just the way it goes,” says Whitney. Pssst… It may be time for an upper lip wax, LC. And a shampoo. You know you’re on TV, right? Scene: Epic Records
At Horsey’s job, Horsey is requested to fill in for Chiara at a “big, big” event and the head of Epic Records will be there. “Be the Epic girl,” instructs Horsey’s boss.
Scene: Some sidewalk cafe
Lauren and the She-Tag hug forever. She-Tag complains that since she moved to down she’s had to shack it up with Heidi and Satan. “Fest-uvvv…” slurs Lauren. She-Tag acknowledges that this meeting is a little off, but concludes with the obvious. “I don’t want the whole ‘Heidi and Spencer thing’ to affect our friendship,” she says, because she really misses their “Three Musketeers” days. You know, when they were all fat from eating too much nougat.
Scene: Amalfi Ristorante.
Hey, it’s date night with Horsey and Justin Bobby. Horsey loves getting out of the stable. “This is cute, I’ve never been here.” “I know,” says Justin Bobby. The conversation henceforth becomes even more intellectually captivating. “You look really pretty tonight. I like that dress.” Horsey gently corrects him. “It’s a skirt.” “Oh yeah, fooled me,” says Justin Bobby, like it will matter later when it’s crumpled up on his dirt floor. Horsey explains that things with Lauren and Not Lauren are much better since they hashed things out. “You’re really good at accepting people again, you know what I mean?” Horsey’s not entirely sure what he means. “Like you?” Then she invites him to her work party for the White Tie Affair, which is apparently the name of the band. Justin Bobby, ever the charmer, says he’ll go if she wants him to be there.
Scene: the Sorority House
Horsey is in the main house visiting with Lauren since she’s no longer relegated to her stable. She talks about the White Tie Affair party, which is actually not white-tie, and you can wear whatever you want from Kitson or the Lauren Conrad collection. It’s Horsey’s job to pack the place for the show and invite people to the Roosevelt for an after party. And Justin Bobby is coming, as if it wasn’t exciting enough already. But enough about Horsey, what’s going on with Lauren and her ever-evolving friendships? What? You had lunch with the She-Tag? Horsey reminds Lauren, “Sometimes friendships are even harder than relationships.” She resists the urge to continue, “Especially friendships with you.”
Scene: Weird Rock Club
At Horsey’s event, the president of Epic Records gathers the band around with Horsey and her boss and they all do a shot, getting things off to a professional start. Lauren, She-Pratt and Not Lauren arrive just in time for Lauren to act interested and bob her head awkwardly. Horsey is visibly upset that Justin Bobby has apparently flaked, but Lauren, being a reformed good friend, knows to just keep bobbing her head to the music.
Scene: Heidi and Spencer’s Apartment
Heidi is rocking a beret and enormous hoop earrings when she flounces into the living room only to learn that She-Tag had (gasp!) lunch with Lauren She-Tag plays it off like, you’re both my little sisters. “Yeah, but how am I supposed to feel about that?” She-Tag sets her straight. “You know me, and you know that I was there, if anything, mostly for you.” Wow. Well, yeah, I feel much better now. Heidi must have learned all of her best defensive groveling skills from her Big-Tag.
Scene: After-Party at the Roosevelt
One of the band members named Sean flashes She-Pratt his nipple piercings – at her request – and then she has the nerve to ask, “What was wrong with you when you were growing up?” Unfortunately he does not ask her the same question. Then she remembers that he’s probably going to be pseudo-famous and possibly somewhat more wealthy after this airs, so she whispers to him (in subtitles, that’s how quiet it was), “I SECRETELY had my tongue pierced once.” LMAO – can someone please get our friends at MTV a dictionary? Over yonder, everyone’s favorite bitchy third wheel Not Lauren brings up the fact that Justin Bobby is still a no-show. You can always count on Not Lauren to point out obvious uncomfortable facts at inopportune times. Horsey needs to kick her.
Scene: Epic Records
The day after the party, Horsey can’t hide her excitement from the success that was her first solo-gig party. It shows all over her glaringly white teeth. She tells Chiara that she didn’t even hear back from Justin Bobby. “He needs to act like he cares and not play Mr. Cool Guy all the time.”
Scene: FIDM/Toast
Lauren approaches She-Pratt and fills her in on everything she’s missed since the last Lauren update. “Oh, so I forgot to tell you that I had lunch with Heidi’s sister yesterday,” What’s with the braids, Swiss Miss? She-Pratt, who should never be seen this close up, suggests that maybe this will bring Lauren and Heidi back together again. Meanwhile, over at Toast, Heidi is telling her co-non-worker Kimberly the same gossip about the same lunch and ponders the loss of Lauren as a friend. “Maybe Holly will peace everything out.”
In stunning editing work by MTV, we’re back to Barbie Fashion School. Lauren doesn’t want She-Tag to get it in her head that she can fix Lauren and Heidi’s non-friendship. I mean, who doesn’t remember, “I want to forgive you, and I want to forget you.” But back at Toast, Heidi clearly is holding out hope that her non-friendship with Lauren gets fixed. Somehow, lunch with Big-Tag made Lauren miss Heidi’s friendship, but she concedes, “You always miss a best friend.” And somewhere else in town, Heidi hopes for the best. “Who knows, maybe someday.” Yes, someday. Burn those sex tapes! Get your bracelets ready! Are there any more sisters we need to be on the lookout for?
– Nicole Homewood