Recap: Project Runway, Episodes 3, 4 and 5

I hope everyone had a merry Christmas full of love and family and friends and all their idiosyncrasies. If you’re anything like my family, then you’re all set for 2008 with your “I Like Turtles” t-shirt, your Air Hog remote indoor helicopter and your wild boar bacon. And a giant television on which you can watch Project Runway! We’re wrapping up episodes three through five of Season 4 today, so read this while you’re stuck on that tarmac so you’re all juiced up for next week’s shiny new episode.

Episode 3 – Fashion Giant

Is Tiki Barber gone? Excellent. Good morning! It’s time to go to Parsons. Jack gets a new model because he won last week’s snoozer challenge. Two models are sent home, where they will spend the remainder of their attractive years sporting Jaclyn Smith fashions for KMart circulars.

It’s time to learn this week’s challenge. Tim and Nina are in the workroom with twelve photos of prior fashion trends. Oops – Jillian is actually wearing overalls, which is an “out” trend. The designers are working in teams of three to create three looks using each of the miserable trends. As Tim says they get to choose the teams, Sweet P makes her “smell the fart” face.

Tim’s back and sends in the models for a fitting. Don’t slip on the spit, ladies! Victorya (R) decides that Ricky’s top looks like something “a Harlequin would wear to a festival,” and now I’m trying to remember the last time I saw a Harlequin at a festival. Ricky and Victorya caucus and have some kind of ridiculously petty bicker session that goes nowhere but culminates in Ricky saying Victorya (R)“doesn’t have the balls” to be the leader, which is rich coming from the hankyman.

Kevin acknowledges that he has to pull a magic rabbit out of his ass in order to get ‘er done. Maybe he can feed it some of my magic beans.

It’s the morning of the runway show and Victorya decides she’s made a craptastic piece, so she redoes one of her garments. Hallelujah, Kevin’s shorts are done! Somewhere in the design room, a magic rabbit hops around.

Oh hell, Heidi just blurted out that Team Jillian is the winner (R) and that Team Cockatiel is safe. Team Chris’s outfits are criticized. The judges do not see the dancewear element. Top American Designer Michael Kors describes one of the outfits as “beauty pageant in camel,” and the shoulder pads don’t feel “relevant for today” to Nina. Really, Nina.

Team Ricky is praised for the conceptual design of the outfits but criticized for construction and fit. Victorya gives Ricky props for his fitting techniques but subsequently throws him under the bus for his lack of leadership skills. Ricky does the same to Victorya, saying she should go home. The Spitter figures what the hell and tosses herself in front of the bus.

Oh, the deliberations. Top American Designer Michael Kors says Team Chris was very bad pageant mother of the bride old-fashioned. Nina concurs with the insightful, “It’s a problem.”

Well, it appears that Ricky and his nouveau pleather trashbag bedazzled hat will survive to face another challenge. Chris, visibly baffled, is OUT. Owfveedershain, Chris. Chris lets us know that he is going back to his life, and he hopes that he brought fun to the show. Indeed, Chris. Watch out for that pigeonhole.

Episode 5 – What’s the SkinnyAQ`

The girls are discussing the “void” left by the departure of Chris. Does Jack have a nosebleed? No, it’s only a highly contagious staph infection. Whew.

Tim asks Tyra Cockatiel if his outfit is “fierce.” In a cautionary tale, Tim remarks that he’s made more bad decisions at 3 in the morning than he can count. Everyone giggles. Oh dear Tim. I love you Tim.

It’s morning and Chris is snoring on the couch. Steve is having trouble getting his shizz together. The Cockatiel says – AGAIN – that the judges might die over the others’ outfits or die because of them. Outfits are finished and the show begins, and these ladies work it. The Cockatiel is victorious. Poor Steve gets lambasted for his wedding dress concoction, which is deemed “a French maid’s outfit.” (L) I am sad to see Steve go – he was entertaining with his “Oh dear God”s and his uncanny Tim Gunn impressions. Oufveardersane, Steve.

New episode next week! Your homework until then is to design an outfit out of leftover green bean casserole. You have thirty minutes to sketch. Good luck.

– Nicole Homewood