IT was Rod Marinelli who tempted the fates by kicking the ball to Devin Hester, and after the Windy City tornado cut a swath of destruction through his team, the Lions coach came up with a much safer plan in the rematch that Tom Coughlin and the Giants absolutely must implement Sunday in Chicago:
Kick the ball into Lake Michigan and make sure it sinks to the bottom.
Hester is Chicago’s most dangerous, deadly No. 23 since Michael Jordan. He is the most breathtaking, gamebreaking Bear since Gale Sayers. They called Sayers The Kansas Comet. They call Hester the Windy City Flyer. They called him Anytime at Miami (Fla.). Former teammate Tank Johnson called him He Gone. If Walter Payton was Sweetness, then Hester must be Fleetness.
“I don’t think the league has ever seen anything like this guy,” safety John Lynch said after Hester returned a punt 75 yards for one score and a kickoff 88 yards for another last Sunday to shock his Broncos.
At least not since Neon Deion Sanders, Hester’s idol and mentor. Hester has been blessed with Prime Time’s blazing speed, vision, first step, change of direction, and swagger, is bigger and stronger at 5-foot-11, 186 pounds, and after 10 touchdown returns in only 27 regular-season games, it’s no wonder why Hester-ia has swept the NFL.
If you are stubborn or crazy enough to kick to this guy, you better be ready for Devin And Hell.
“A few years ago they were saying Dante Hall was the best ever; this guy might be the best ever,” former Giants Super Bowl punt returner Phil McConkey said. “Some guys are quick; some guys are world-class sprinters; some guys have a wiggle; some guys have the toughness and are able to deflect some of the tackles . . . he seems to have it all. And probably the most important thing is the instincts . . . having 12 sets of eyes. He sees things before they happen. He looks like he’s going a million miles an hour. I’ll bet in his brain, everything going on in front of him is in super-slow motion.”
Even before Hester returned the opening kickoff 92 yards in Super Bowl XLI, Colts coach Tony Dungy didn’t need Dick Cheney to tell him that there was a weapon of mass destruction in enemy territory. “He’s a weapon, a nuclear weapon,” Dungy said.
It was Hester, remember, who broke the Giants’ backs a year ago at Giants Stadium when he returned an ill-fated 52-yard field goal by Jay Feely 108 yards.
“I probably would have downed it if I saw the defenders coming at me full speed,” Hester said.
Hester devastated the Lions Sept. 30 with 314 return yards; a month later, Lions punter Nick Harris booted the ball out of bounds three times, and placekicker Jason Hanson twice, mixed in with some squibs and pooches. The one time Harris didn’t punt the ball into Lake Michigan, Hester returned it 39 yards to set up the Bears’ lone touchdown. The last thing Coughlin should want to do is tell the world he plans on kicking to Hester.
“I don’t feel like it’s a compliment when people say they’re going to kick to us,” Hester has said. “It’s more like a threat. It’s like they’re saying they don’t feel like we can score, that we’re not good.”
The KicktoDevin.com Web site Monday honored Mike Shanahan as its first annual Coach of the Year and added: “While the season is not over yet (though the Broncos may be) we here at KTD.com feel that no other coach would be able to top what Mike Shanahan did late yesterday afternoon.”
Also from KicktoDevin.com:
“Americas Bravest Coaches (Rankings subject to change based on if our petition works or a coach shows enough guts to Kick to Devin):
Rod Marinelli (Sept. 30) . . .Kicked to Devin 12 times
Brad Childress . . .8 Kicks
Wade Phillips & Herm Edwards (tie). . .7 Kicks
Americas Most Cowardly Coaches (Ranking subject to change based on if our petition works or another coach goes Andy Reid on us)
Andy Reid Pitched a shutout . . . must be stopped
Norv Turner . . .1 kick, 1 lousy kick
Rod Marinelli (Oct. 28) Just 3 this time – Rod, what’s the deal; we had a good thing going.”
Memo to Coughlin, Lawrence Tynes and Jeff Feagles: Kick the ball into Lake Michigan.