STUFF the Hamptons. Don’t even think about the South of France.
We are sitting in the approximate center of the known universe – on a derelict patch of the fabulously scummy Brooklyn waterfront, with a trillion-dollar view of the Manhattan skyscrapers directly ahead.
And garbage you would not want to analyze in a lead suit and under the influence of antibiotics, strewn to our back.
Not a bad spot to put a beach!
This summer, someone with a wicked sense of humor and forward-thinking real-estate sense, has decided to dump a pile of sand onto this nauseous spot of urban decay. What’s more, an actual, seven-lane swimming pool has been floated, on a barge, to this nasty oasis, turning an eyesore into a place of temporary paradise.
The whole shebang is called – for reasons I can’t begin to ponder in this politically correct age – the Floating Pool Lady.
Did I mention it’s free?
“This is like the greatest thing!” cried Briana Cordero, who is 16 and lives in Fort Greene. “Why go all the way to Long Island?” piped up Shameeka Harris, 35, a New York City Transit station agent. Why indeed?
On a hot July Sunday, I counted Manhattan yuppies and Crown Heights teens, jet-setters from Argentina, not to mention Cobble Hill hipsters who could barely roll off their tar beach roofs and doff their American Apparel threads to dip in the pool or retire to the sand.
“The whole skyline – and a pool. This is truly surreal!” said Jason Eiland, of Kensington.
Don’t analyze it too much, guy. Blink your eyes, and it might float away.
This, my friends, is democracy as you’ve never seen it, and probably never will again. People of all colors, incomes and modes of transportation, here together – sticking their various body types into the same, chlorinated tub. And liking it.
“Too many kids, though,” moaned Shannon Krause, 22, of Fort Greene, in a string bikini.
The people drove, hopped a shuttle bus or hoofed it from Brooklyn Heights along a treacherous sidewalk, directly beneath the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway. There was Tiffany Ramirez, 22, and 2-year-old Nevaeh, who came from Jackson Heights, Queens.
Zoe and Melanie, no last names necessary, stomped to the pool in their rock T-shirts, miniskirts and combat boots – and were promptly asked to lose the shoes or leave. Shouldn’t you be in the Hamptons, girls?
“Is that a serious question?” Melanie, or maybe Zoe, snarled.
Off to the side was parked a serious-looking combat ship – a British “anti-terrorist boat,” I’m told. Crew members, in dress whites, looked to be about 12.
“Good day!” they cried as they walked by, looking jealously at our beach.
“I keep thinking there’s going to be a catch,” pondered Jason Eiland. “Because it’s free.”
Shhh. “Just keep it quiet,” said Mark Steele, of Brooklyn, “or everyone will come.”
Yesterday, everyone did come. Tomorrow, there will be more. And more.
Too good to last.