Disgraced ex-NYPD Commissioner Bernie Kerik can’t stop crying over his fizzled friendship with former BFF Rudy Giuliani.
“I accept the distance created by Giuliani. I understand it, but inside, it’s killing me,” Kerik said.
“It’s like dying a slow death, watching him have to answer for my mistakes,” the former top cop said of the ex-New York mayor-turned-presidential-candidate.
Kerik dished up the surprisingly frank comments in a dark, F-bomb-infused interview in the August edition of Best Life magazine.
In the bizarre chat, he said he is now working for the Jordanian government overseeing its construction of “an underground, seismic-shock proof, oxygen-stowing compound that could withstand a nuclear attack.
“At least here in Jordan, I stand half a chance,” Kerik whined.
“Back home, it’s death by a thousand cuts – cuts to your emotions, finances, family and your life. Now is the darkest time in my life, and nothing I have been through has gotten me ready for it. I am truly f- – -in’ afraid.
“My wife is a wreck,” Kerik added. “And anytime there’s stress like this, whether you intend to or not, you take it out on each other – husband and wife – and you take it out on your kids.
“There are times I’m so f- – -ing depressed, I don’t want to work. I don’t want to get out of bed. You go to sleep, you wake up in a f- – -ing sweat.”
Kerik copped last year to accepting $165,000 in free renovations on his Riverdale, Bronx, apartment by a mobbed-up contractor.
He’s also been accused of everything from tax evasion, to plotting to wiretap the hubby of former Westchester DA Jeanine Pirro, to enjoying simultaneous steamy affairs with editor Judith Regan and a correction officer.
Of his guilty pleas involving the contractor, Kerik said, “I just f- – -ing wanted [the case] to be over.
“I didn’t take the pleas because I really thought I hadn’t done anything wrong,” Kerik said. “It was just, pay the f- – -in’ fine, give ’em their pound of flesh, whatever the f- – – they want. There’s a point where you just lose the ability to fight.”
Still, he said his credibility woes at home haven’t hurt him overseas.
He revealed that about a year after he was nominated for – and infamously lost out on – becoming the nation’s new Homeland Security chief, he was still asked by Syria to act as a go-between in seeking a peace-talk powwow with President Bush.