“Child Star Confidential”
Today at 5 p.m. on E!
(two stars)
IF you prefer to think that old child stars end up committing suicide or knocking over convenience stores, then “Child Star Confidential” is not for you.
Or at least today’s season premiere is not for you. For one thing, it’s more like a puff piece in Hello magazine than a down and dirty, warts-and-all look at former child stars.
Today’s episode, “Boy Crazy,” features former ’80s and ’90s teen screamers like Kirk Cameron, Ricky Martin, Mario Lopez, Malcolm Jamal Warner, Rick Schroder, Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Jonathan Taylor Thomas.
Except for the mention of one gorgeous, albeit not that-well-known former male model – who lost his looks, his teeth and his life to heroin – nearly everyone in this “Where are they now?” look at former child stars has done well.
I’m not saying that we should only know the good side of the business, nor should we go on believing that all former child stars end up with the nightmare lives of the “Diff’rent Strokes” kids.
But unfortunately it’s just not all-that-interesting to see the lives of people who simply started out on top and didn’t waver too much from there.
Like a good story, a good profile needs a bit of the old roller coaster to make it interesting.
At any rate, you’ll be happy to know that Ricky Martin went from Menudo to living la dolce vita because of “Living La Vida Loca” with a giant music career.
You’ll also be happy to know that Kirk Cameron married a co-star, has six children and has become a Christian proselytizer with a method known as “The Way of the Master.”
He’s got a Web site, videos, a radio show and a Chris tian reality TV show which teaches Chris tians how to “share their faith effec tively and in offensively.”
Cameron even claims to explain what happens when you die. Who knew that little Mike Seaver was really the savior?
Malcolm Jamal Warner (“The Cosby Show“) has an active showbiz career, as does Lopez (“Saved by the Bell“), including playing famed diver Greg Louganis in the TV movie.
The show touches ever-so-lightly and as “inoffensively” as Kirk Cameron would say, on Taylor Thomas leaving “Home Improvement” after seven seasons so he could fill out college applications and announce that he wasn’t gay to GLAAD.
You’ll also learn that Cameron still has a billion-dollar smile, Schroder is directing, Martin is on his 10th album, Lopez is producing, Gosselaar replaced Schroder in “NYPD Blue” and Taylor Thomas has done many, many guest spots.
The bottom line? If you’ve never gotten over “Saved by The Bell,” you’ll want to tune in – but really, this one isn’t a groundshaker.
Future “Child Star Confidential” episodes will feature “Teen Starlets” (Brooke Shields, Jodie Foster, Tatum O’Neal, Drew Barrymore, Dana Hill) and “TV Princesses” (Jessica Biel, Lisa Bonet, Shannen Doherty, Claire Danes, Christina Applegate and many others).