“They kept asking me, ‘But Axl Rose was crazy, huh? He started a riot and went nuts on his supermodel girlfriend, didn’t he?’ It was like
they were throwing bait
at me . . .”MARC SPITZ, playwright
IF you adore guilty-pleasure shows like VH1’s “Behind the Music,” “The Fabulous Life” or “Best Week Ever,” get ready for a reality check.
You know those fast-talking commentators who wittily expound on the trials and vices of your favorite celebrities?
Most of them are faking it. And a smart new show, called “The Name of This Play Is Talking Heads,” is exposing the way TV commentators are spoon-fed their lines and jokes.
I’ve been there. I once participated in an episode of “The Fabulous Life” about Cameron Diaz. The producer asked questions like, “Wouldn’t you say Cameron has a real knack for combining high and low fashion?” and I was expected to parrot back, bubbling with enthusiasm, “Cameron has such a knack for combining high and low fashion!!”
Although I didn’t cooperate, I was invited to do more shows, but declined.
It was a series of similar experiences that prompted Marc Spitz, a senior writer at Spin magazine, to write his play, a 45-minute, five-man production playing at the intimate Under St. Marks Theater in the East Village.
The play deals with the travails of Pete, a writer at “Headphones” magazine who is invited by an unnamed music channel to record some segments for a show called “The 100 Most Rockatrocious Moments.”
“These shows are evil,” says Spitz. “They’re like a virus in the culture. When I started doing them to promote magazine pieces, they were a bit more sincere. But they’ve gotten worse.”
Spitz finally lost his cool after doing a show on Axl Rose. “They kept asking me, ‘But Axl Rose was crazy, huh? He started a riot and went nuts on his supermodel girlfriend, didn’t he?’ It was like they were throwing bait at me, and I wouldn’t say what they wanted me to say and I just walked out.
“But,” he adds, “they make you sign a release, so they can keep using your most embarrassing clips forever. It’s like posing for glamour shots at 18 and seeing them run it again and again.”
Parts of Spitz’s play are true, acknowledged Michael Hirschorn, a vice president at MTV who has seen the show – but “parts are ridiculous,” he said.
“All production involves some kind of steering and coaching, but we love to have a wide variety of opinions. Are we into fascist mind control? No. But you have to articulate things in certain ways to make them make sense on TV.”
Chaunce Hayden, editor of Steppin’ Out magazine, calls his appearances on VH1 “a very weird experience . . . They tell you the name and what to say about the person. Like with Winona Ryder, they kept getting me to say, ‘It takes a thief!!’
“You end up looking like an idiot.”
Sarah Lewitinn, a colleague of Spitz’s at Spin Magazine who used to work at VH1 and saw the show on Saturday night, said, “It’s not always like that – sometimes they let you ad-lib. But there was this one time when I had to go in to do ‘Awesomely Bad Hair,’ and they had me talk about people I have never seen or heard of in my life.”
So why does she appear in them? “It gives my mom a kick,” she says.
“The Name of This Play Is Talking Heads,” at the Under St. Marks Theater, 94 St. Marks Place (between First Avenue and Avenue A). Thursdays and Fridays at 8 p.m., and Saturdays at 8 and 10 p.m., through 26 March. Tickets: $15.