MEMO to plumbers: Do not wear these pants under any circumstances.
Dolce & Gabbana’s new super-low-rise jeans – which debuted on the Milan catwalk Sunday – give new meaning to the term “dressing down.”
Fashion watchers say the new full-frontal jeans are only for the most daring – and physically fit.
“I don’t think any guy with a waist over 32 inches should be seen in something as revolting as this,” says Stacy London, the host of TLC’s “What Not to Wear.”
“It’s great hype for Dolce & Gabbana, but nobody over the age of 12 will fit into them. And really, what guy likes chafing?”
London dismisses peekaboo pubic hair as “overcompensation for a receding hairline,” and adds, “It makes me very uncomfortable in public.”
Indeed, the pants’ plunging belt line rides so low, wearers require “a little landscaping down there,” says GQ style editor Adam Rapoport, who advises men to wear the jeans “with great care.”
Though these samples are extreme, style watchers agree that men’s jeans are heading south – just as women’s waistlines are more modestly working their way back up the belly.
Of course, a low-cut waist has been a staple for hip-hoppers and rappers since Marky Mark flashed his Calvins back in 1993. But Dolce & Gabbana’s exhibitionism carves out new territory when it comes to dropping your trousers.
“This look makes sense on the runways of Milan, but not necessarily the streets of New York,” says Rapoport.
“But remember that there is not a sexier label than Dolce & Gabbana, and this is very exaggerated sex. On the street, jeans and suit pants are being cut much lower on the waist. A high waist is just very square.”
But even fashion editors at glossy magazines need to know there are limits.
“I bought some jeans the other day and you could see my boxers in the front,” says Rapoport. “My girlfriend was like, ‘Those are girl jeans. Take them off!’ ”
Gals we spoke to praised the jeans as they appeared on the iron-loined catwalk models – but worried that the average man might follow suit.
“The low, low, low-rise look on a model with a body like this is sexy, for sure,” says Amanda Richman, a 27-year-old law student. “The operative word, however, is ‘model.’ If I saw a man on the street dressed like this, I would say he should cover up. It’s just too Ft. Lauderdale.”
If her boyfriend came home sporting ultra-low-rise pants, 24-year-old Web developer Fiona Bora would “send him to Williamsburg,” she says. “They look so, ‘I am trying to be a hipster – but really I’m not.'”
Nicolle Austin, a 26-year-old real estate investor, says the sartorial divisions between the sexes should be respected. “I wouldn’t want my boyfriend’s jeans to be lower than mine,” she declared.
Austin need not worry, predicts London of “What Not to Wear.”
“What happens on a Milan runway should stay on a Milan runway,” she declared. “And it will – especially once average guys discover that wearing low-slung jeans gives you love handles.”
– Additional reportingby Elisa Lipsky-Karasz
TIP #1: Be an adonis: This look isn’t going to fly if you haven’t honed your “belt of Apollo” muscles to perfection.
TIP #2: Get waxed: What do you mean it’s for girls? So are low-rise jeans, unless you go for a full wax, front and back. The alternative is too horrible to contemplate.
TIP #4: Belt up: A reliable belt is essential to hold these pants in place. After all, if they slip even a fraction of an inch you could be arrested.
TIP #3: Don’t sit down: No ands, ifs or butts about that one.