Beware of manic breakfasts.
They’re a sure sign that the “family” sitcom you’re watching promises to be no different than dozens of others that have come and (quickly) gone in seasons past.
The manic breakfast – in which the members of a busy sitcom family race through the kitchen screaming at each other before they each leave for their crazy, busy days – is just one of a handful of cliches running rampant in prime-time these days.
Not only do shows that rely on similar cliches often fail, but the application of these identical motifs also serves to illustrate the famine of creativity that afflicts network television.
So far, I’ve come across manic breakfast scenes in the pilots for “Center of the Universe,” the new CBS sitcom starring John Goodman; and “Rodney,” the new Tulsa-based sitcom on ABC starring comedian Rodney Carrington – two sitcoms that are highly unlikely to see a second season.
There’s also a manic breakfast in “Clubhouse,” the CBS drama about a bat boy – which is especially disturbing since the show’s protagonist is a growing boy for whom a nutritious breakfast is paramount (or so I’ve read on the side panel of my cereal box).
“Rodney” is emerging as this fall’s cliché champ since it straddles two categories of loathed TV cliches – the manic breakfast and the dreaded narrator.
You know this narrator – the overworked dad, the harried housewife, the cynical teen – who is heard at the opening of a new show saying in a tired voice, “This is my house,” “This is my office (school),” “These are my kids (friends),” “This is my boss (teacher)” and, “This is the wacky neighbor who lives across the street” (cue eccentric guy wearing a beekeeper’s suit while mowing the lawn).
Besides “Rodney,” some of the shows that are resorting to narration this fall include ABC’s suburban drama “Desperate Housewives,” narrated by a dead housewife; UPN’s “Veronica Mars,” narrated by a world-weary teen (Kristen Bell); and ABC’s high school drama “Life As We Know It,” narrated by three horny teen-aged boys.
Listening to these people moan about their lives is about as pleasant as swallowing seawater.
Moreover, relying on a narrator to explain a show’s situation and define its characters has got to be the laziest way ever devised to introduce a series.
Hey, you lazy TV writers: Instead of telling us, show us. This is television – a visual medium.
If I want to hear someone tell me a story, I’ll go buy an audiobook.