US News

TERROR-FASHION WEEK

YES, while skinny socialites and phat rappers were trampling each other to be the first to lay down cold cash for dopey designer duds during Fashion Week, we real people were spending through the nose at survivalist stores for clothes that breathe. Literally.

Bioterror suits, gas masks, gloves and booties flew off shelves like they were Jimmy Choo spikes on the markdown table at Marshall’s. By Friday there was nary a Tyvek F bioterror suit ($45) or “Millennium Gas Mask” ($339) left in stock.

Not to be a showoff or anything, but I took my new high-alert duds for a walk on Friday. So how did cops and jaded Noo Yawkahs react to the sight of a grown woman (me) in full bioterror threads walking a dog (Leo) in Dag Hammarskjold Plaza in front of the United Nations while chief weapons inspector Hans Blix was inside delivering his Iraqi weapons-of-mass-destruction report? Tragically, nobody noticed, although one person did ask if Leo had starred in “Attack of the Fifty Foot Dog.”

It was disappointing, to say the least. Next time I’m buying the expensive, totally transparent Hagor NBC bioterror suit, with matching escape hood. Work it, baby! Work it!