A new report by a team of pediatricians makes the Hundred Acre Wood of Winnie-the-Pooh fame sound a lot like the mental ward at Bellevue.
With tongues planted firmly in cheek, the Canadian researchers diagnosed the beloved bear and his pals from the A.A. Milne children’s books with a raft of disorders that demand psychoactive drugs:
* Pooh’s daydreaming is a symptom of attention-deficit disorder, and his love of counting and lust for honey are signs of obsessive-compulsive disorder. His twitching could be a precursor to Tourette’s syndrome.
“Pooh needs intervention,” the doctors wrote. “We feel drugs are in order. We cannot help but wonder how much richer Pooh’s life might be were he to have a trial of low-dose stimulant medication.”
* Easily flustered Piglet suffers from “generalized anxiety disorder,” which could be treated with anti-panic medication.
* Tigger has a tendency toward high-risk behavior – snacking on thistles, for example – and could benefit from a cocktail of stimulants and a hypertension drug.
* Droopy donkey Eyeore should try anti-depressants and individual therapy to treat his “chronic negativism and low energy.”
* Roo, the baby kangaroo growing up in a single-parent household with only Tigger as his role model, is primed for juvenile delinquency.
The lead researcher, Sarah Shea of Dalhousie University in Halifax, Nova Scotia, said the idea of the report is to remind people how common mental and emotional disorders are.
“The world is full of wonderful people who have quirks, and we love them,” she said.
“How dare anyone say there is something wrong with someone diagnosed with attention deficit? I would also remind people that we are kidding around.”