THE most draconian, cruelest sentence of this Gilbert and Sullivan operetta of sex, lies and videotape has been visited upon the august chamber of the magnificent Senate.
How dare anyone tell them they cannot talk in the Senate chamber? Truthfully, if you listen carefully to the yeoman of the guard, you can go to jail if you talk.
This is cruel and inhuman punishment for a bunch of men and women whom this country elects to make oxygen out of gas: my friends the Republicans, who lose their toes in hunting accidents, and those evil Democrats, who would like people like me banished to an Albanian village.
In the Senate chamber, silence is golden. But in front of the press, a good loud voice to the point of boredom is a trifecta.
How do we understand Sen. Bob Byrd (D-W.Va.), who has as much white hair as Congressman Henry Hyde, telling us on Jan. 15 that Bill Clinton had displayed “a shameless arrogance, the likes of which I have never seen?”
Fast forward. Senator Byrd last Friday: “End this sorry and sad time for our country.” And he signaled for dismissal.
What a difference 10 days make. Yeah, Woodward will write it “Ten Days In January.” The shame of a canary Byrd who can sing but can’t fly.
Oh, and the Republicans were about as subtle as a broken rib when it came to wanting witnesses. Of course they wanted to shove it to the president, as if reciprocal reception was not warranted.
They were like a 14-year-old on his first date with a red-haired girl in a darkened park. Everything came too easy … and too fast.
Now, these bums, Democrats and Republicans, are cutting deals behind closed doors. No public. No press. A lot of people died for that freedom.
Go ahead, and try to get a criminal trial behind closed doors. What is this, Belgrade?
This is a trial.
Sen. Tom Harkin (D-Iowa) correctly put us on the right path. Yes, the House Republicans were the prosecutors, but the Senate is not a hundred people on jury duty as is popularly perceived.
They are judge and jurors. OK, right.
But every Republican, every Democrat I know, gets on talk shows and gives interviews to anyone that stops them in the hallways. So much for silence.
If, as Harkin says, they are “judge and jurors,” then he, together with his pompous bunch of senators on both sides of the aisle, should join Lance Ito teaching law in the University of the South Pole.
Could you imagine a judge or a juror gas-bagging during a trial?
Then these bums disappear from the public and play their political poker behind closed doors so they don’t embarrass each other. Whatta club.
You know, there is a reason why people say: “Get it over with.”
And the reason is that the people, the public, have had nothing to do with the whole process.
But the process has been handled, mishandled, botched, bungled and burglarized with the two industries that this country, and many countries I have lived in, distrust most:
Lawyers and politicians.
Let’s go back to Shakespeare: “Kill all the lawyers.”
But let’s talk about my mates in the pub: “Did you hear about the politician who told the truth?” Pause. “The independent counsel asked him to take a lie-detector test.”
What a mud bath concocted by people who think they are better than you and I.
Lawyers and politicians.