Dear Sarah Palin: Refudiate the Mama Grizzly, For She is Pro-Choice.

July 20, 2010 by 5 Comments

I was thinking about this “mama grizzly” model of womanhood and decided to do a little research, since this, according to Ms. Palin, is the way of America’s future. It turns out the Mama Grizzly’s maternal excellence—the reason Sarah Palin chose her as her symbol—is a direct function of her ability to become a mother when circumstances are precisely right, and not before. In a nutshell, Mama Grizzlies abort.

What I found: Not only do female grizzlies like to play the field—with multiple partners, and repeated encounters that last up to an hour—they also terminate the pregnancy if the timing is poor.  A female grizzly won’t carry a fetus to term unless she is in “peak condition” and has the wherewithal to support her offspring. As is the case with other bears, “if the mother has not accumulated enough fat to sustain herself as well as developing cubs,” the fertilized embryo will be reabsorbed into the not-going-to-be-a-mother-yet’s body.

From Mountainnature:

After mating, the female may be pregnant, but that does not mean she will give birth to cubs. There is an old joke that you can’t be half pregnant, but bears have proven this statement to be false. Bears, weasels and some seals have developed a process called delayed implantation. The fertilized egg develops into a small embryo called a blastocyst. This is where the interesting stuff begins. After this brief period of development, of the fertilized egg suddenly stops growing and simply floats freely in the uterus for several months.

If a sow is in peak condition when she heads into her winter den, the embryo implants in the uterus and begin to develop. She’ll wake up during January or February to give birth. …

If the sow is not in peak condition at the onset of hibernation, her body will reabsorb the embryo and not give birth that year. This gives bears more control over their reproductive rate than just about any other animal.

Humans included.

Keep your paws off my uterus and no one gets hurt.

M

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When Papa Bear Meets Mama Grizzly

July 11, 2010 by 2 Comments

Bill O’Reilly interviewed Sarah Palin on immigration reform. Here’s how that went:

He used some old chestnuts straight out of the O’Reilly “How to be a Jerk to All” playbook. This one goes like this: when talking to a woman, make it clear that the only reason you’ve allowed her to speak for as long as you have is that you’re a tolerant, decent man. Not so polite as to be thought effete, though. When you interrupt, it’s because you’re a sensible man too, and there are limits to how much female nonsense you’ll listen to. If she keeps talking, indulge her. Play her little game, as you would with a child. Say everything in a tone of disbelief: “President Palin.” “Mama Grizzly.” And make it clear, once you’re done talking to her, that you need a towel with which you will wipe off your contempt. (He does a less measured version of the same thing when he talks to Dana Perino in the follow-up interview.)

What’s interesting about this, though, is how Palin responds. He railroads her, and she resorts to nervous smiles, head-bobs and petulant smirks. She looks like she’s arguing with her dad.

The fact is, she has limited choices. She can’t control how O’Reilly talks to her because it’ll damage how she markets her “strong woman” approach to politics. A strong woman, in the “Real America” that is Palinland, has no tools with which to knock down a Real American Man.

See, if the particular kind of woman-power you’re selling relies not on policy or equal rights but a gender-specific role, the role of the “mama” of the grizzly family, you’re in trouble when you’re attacked by the “Papa Bear.” This is because your model is one that assumes there’s never disagreement between the sexes, and that Papa Bear will always act in your best interest. Mama Grizzly and Papa Bear don’t fight in Mother Goose’s grizzly-land, where Father Knows Best.

Mama Grizzlies defend their cubs and America from the biggest threat to them: humans (a.k.a. liberals). They do not fight their own kind. If Mama Grizzly fought Papa Bear on his own turf, she would look subversive and scary. She would be undoing the Real American Family. She would be threatening the Real American Man. She wouldn’t be attractive and “sparky.” Worst of all, she wouldn’t be a mother, or a bear, but a human being.

As Walt Kelly put it, “We have met the enemy, and he is us.”

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