It hits me on my way to get my tummy tattooed that I’ll actually have to get my tummy out when I get there. I start to walk slower.
I’ve been insecure about my stomach my entire life.
It began in ballet classes when I was only four, with my teacher constantly reminding us to ‘suck in’ to create a ‘nice straight line’ with our movements.
Twenty years on, I still find myself breathing in to get rid of that little bulge – a movement so drilled into my subconscious it feels unnatural to have the full capacity of my lungs.
Despite hang ups over my stomach, I’m incredibly body positive. I eat healthily, enjoy walking, and regularly go to yoga and pilates classes – not to keep in ‘good shape,’ but to be strong, feel good in my body, and look after my mental health. It’s all self-care, an act of appreciating my health and making sure it continues.
But, for all of this, I can’t get over my tummy hang-up.
I’ve always had a little pot belly that protrudes in the middle of my lower stomach. It’s simply where I carry weight. But rationalising has done nothing to help me get over it.
To hide it, I’ve long relied on high-waisted silhouettes, loose skirts with elasticated waistbands, and baggy shirts. The look leans into my boho, floating style but, especially as we approach summer, I’m reminded of what I can’t comfortably wear.
I haven’t worn jeans or trousers in years – their tight-to-the-tummy silhouettes putting me off. My wardrobe is devoid of bodycon and a-line dresses. And bikinis are something I can’t even comprehend buying.
This year, I wanted that to change. So, late one night, I impulsively booked in to get my stomach tattooed.
I’m a relatively heavily tattooed person, with an array of designs tattooed across my arms, legs, fingers, chest and neck. I love the look of all this artwork and, if I was body positive before, getting tattoos has made me fall even more in love with the skin I’m in.
Ergo, could I offset my disdain for my tummy by putting a nice piece of art on it?
I settled on a dragonfly design simply because they’re cute. Accidentally fitting, as later research informed me that, in almost every part of the world, dragonflies symbolise a moment of self-realisation or change in perspective.
It was this change of perspective I tried to embody when arriving at the tattoo studio.
I booked in with an artist I’d known and loved before, hoping her sweet and friendly demeanour would help as I stripped off in her presence and revealed my tummy to another person for the first time in half a decade.
As she placed the stencil on my stomach, I tried not to look for judgement in her eyes but couldn’t help myself. My eyes scanned the rest of the studio waiting to catch a glare or hear someone make a comment on my belly.
‘Is the placement OK?” she asked. I didn’t even look before shooting back my: ‘Yes’.
When she finished, relief flooded my veins. Not only was the searing pain over, I could get my tummy safely back under the waistband of my skirt.
But when I stood to look at the finished tattoo, my breath caught in my throat and I let myself really look at my stomach.
It was beautiful.
The round curve of my belly gives the insect’s stick-thin body, which runs down the centre of my stomach, the feel of movement – of being alive.
Its wings, spreading out across my body, seem to be mid-flight and its tiny legs reach up towards my belly-button as though wanting to hold it close. I only just managed to keep in my tears.
I won’t lie, I still feel tearful whenever I look at my stomach. But I have been looking, which is new.
Every morning and night, the dragonfly is lovingly cleaned before I rub moisturising cocoa butter onto it.
My eyes linger now, taking in the beauty of the art on my stomach; art that has made me love the canvas it sits on.
Still, have I been flaunting my belly in low-rise jeans and crop tops for the past week? No. But I have sneakily pulled up the hem of my T-shirt to show off my tummy to friends in pub gardens, unafraid that onlookers may also catch a peak.
My belly also made its first appearance on Instagram and TikTok, with the tattooist posting photos proudly showing the bulge of my belly post-tattoo to display her work. When I saw it, I didn’t freak out. I even re-posted it for everyone to see.
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And if that wasn’t enough, I’ve just ordered my very first bikini. Weather pending, my stomach is set to see its first rays of sun this summer – and I’m actually looking forward to it.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk.
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