Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.
This week we hear from Demi*, a 27-year-old journalist living in London, who met her boyfriend George* back in February.
They’re both bisexual but, even though Demi is confident about her sexuality on the inside, she can get a bit shy talking about it.
She’s also on anti-depressants, which she believes has impacted her sex life. ‘Before taking citalopram I had a high sex drive, I don’t get as turned on any more and it takes me ages to orgasm – they’re also not as powerful,’ Demi explains.
The young writer began taking anti-depressants a year and a half ago, after suffering with anxiety and depression on-and-off for years. When a bad breakup made things worse, she turned to therapy and medication to see if it would help.
Demi says: ‘They have really helped me, but they’ve also altered my sex drive. I don’t want to take them forever and am thinking about stopping soon.’
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‘I still enjoy sex, but it can feel like a lot of work sometimes. Often I’ll be close to orgasm and it will just go away, which is very frustrating. I’m better at knowing how to make myself come now, but I still get miffed by it sometimes.’
Without further ado, here’s how Demi got on this week…
The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work.
What to know about anti-depressants
What is citalopram used to treat?
Dr Lawrence Cunningham for UK Care Guide, tells Metro.co.uk: ‘Citalopram is indeed a common anti-depressant, widely prescribed for the treatment of depression and sometimes for anxiety disorders.
‘It is part of a category of medications known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), which are often the first line of treatment due to their relative safety and efficacy. Many patients I’ve treated have responded well to citalopram, finding it helps to stabilise their mood and reduce symptoms of depression.
Considering coming off medication?
‘It is crucial to consult a doctor before discontinuing citalopram. Stopping the medication abruptly can lead to withdrawal symptoms, which can be quite distressing and include dizziness, irritability, nausea, headache, and a return of depressive symptoms.
‘A doctor can provide a tapering schedule to gradually reduce the dose, minimising the risk of withdrawal effects and ensuring a smoother transition.’
Can anti-depressants impact your sex life?
‘SSRIs like citalopram are sometimes known to affect sexual function, and reduced sex drive is a well-documented side effect.
‘It can indeed make the genitals less sensitive and make it harder to achieve orgasm. The increased serotonin levels can inhibit other pathways in the brain involved in sexual arousal and climax. I always recommend discussing these side effects with your doctor, as they are quite common and can significantly impact quality of life.’
What other side effects are there?
‘Aside from sexual side effects, citalopram can cause a range of other side effects. Commonly, patients may experience nausea, dry mouth, sweating, tremors, and sleep disturbances.
‘These side effects are usually mild and tend to diminish over time as the body adjusts to the medication. In my practice, I’ve guided many patients through the initial adjustment period, reassuring them that these symptoms often improve.
‘However, some side effects can be more persistent or troublesome. For example, weight changes and increased anxiety at the start of treatment are not uncommon.’
Monday
I had quite a heavy weekend, so I’m feeling pretty tired and groggy. I decide to work from home but it’s hard to concentrate.
I’m in a mid-distance relationship so I only see my boyfriend on the weekends, but he’s on holiday at the moment, so I’m missing him.
It’s early days in our relationship and I’m daydreaming about him a lot. It makes it harder to focus on work.
In the afternoon I start to feel horny. Sunny afternoons always make me feel frisky for some reason, and after midday is always when I’m at my most sensitive. I wonder if there’s some reason behind this.
I think I’ve got a slight two-day hangover which also adds to the horniness – I always want sex after a night of drinking. I start to crave George even more, all I can think about is him lying on top of me.
I’m trying to work but I’m feeling really turned on and distracted, so decide to quickly masturbate with my vibrator – I know using my fingers will take too long.
Since being on citalopram I can only really come with some electronic assistance, unless I’m really really turned on, or someone else is touching me. I’m so much less sensitive than I used to be.
But right now I’m pretty worked up, and think I may also be ovulating, so I finish relatively quickly. It’s a disappointing orgasm but my cravings are satisfied for now.
Tuesday
I have a good day at the office. After work I go and watch Challengers in the cinema and it really turns me on. It’s one of the horniest films I’ve ever seen and the bisexual plotline is really sexy to me. I wish I could go home to my boyfriend.
When I get home I send George a nude and initiate sexting. I’m lying on the bed in a black thong, trying to capture the best angle of my bum – which I know he loves.
I’m having fun taking pictures and writing sexts but finding it hard to maintain feeling turned on. I have found this happens to me all the time since taking my anti-depressants; sometimes it just turns off like a switch.
I start to touch myself but I’m not feeling very sensitive. I eventually move on to my vibrator. I can’t text and touch myself at the same time so it’s quite hard to keep the momentum going.
After sexting back and forth my boyfriend tells me he’s finished and goes to sleep but I’m still feeling frustrated. Before he goes, my boyfriend asks me not to wear a bra the next day and to send him a picture. I really like it when he tells me to do things like that. It makes me feel submissive and sexy.
Despite all the pictures and sexting, I’m really struggling to finish myself off. I eventually orgasm with an intense vibrator sesh while re-reading the texts he sent me, but my vulva feels like it’s been pummelled. Sometimes it’s more work than it’s worth.
Post-SSRI sexual dysfunction (PSDD)
Demi* is experiencing an impact to her sexual function while taking antidepressants, but it is possible to also deal with side-effects long after coming off them. Post-SSRI sexual dysfunction (PSDD) is a condition which can persist for many years after stopping medication. Symptoms include a total loss of libido and genital numbness, permanently affecting sexual function. There is currently little research into the condition. For more information visit the PSDD Network.
Wednesday
I’m in the office today and remembered to forgo my bra when getting dressed.
Still thinking about last night, I text George a no-bra selfie from the toilets in the office. I’m stood there rubbing my nipples trying to make them hard so you can see them through my top.
I feel really cheeky and get such a rush from it. I’m not really turned on but it’s exciting, fun and silly. It’s a naughty little distraction from work.
He tells me he’d be too distracted working in an office with me and would always be checking me out. I love it.
He’s obsessed with my hips and bum and asks me to send a picture of them. I’m wearing baggy jeans but am trying out all the angles in the work toilets trying to get a good shot.
I feel a little bit ridiculous, but it’s just a bit of fun. I think that’s enough excitement for me for the day.
Thursday
I have a long day. I’m really tired and just want to sleep but I often find it hard to drift off. I’m probably spending too much time looking at Tiktok before bed.
I think an orgasm before bed might help, but it ends up making things worse.
The first time I masturbated on anti-depressants I was frustrated, left in a sweaty, panting mess on the bed after failing to orgasm. Now I’ve forgotten what a full-blown orgasm feels like.
I still get pleasure from coming but it is dulled down and not as intense. It also requires serious concentration. Today feels quite similar to that first time.
I get out my vibrator but I’m not particularly turned on, so I’m not getting much pleasure out of it. I just feel like I’m blasting myself in the vulva. When it’s like this, I feel an intense sensation down there but it’s not pleasure.
Sometimes if I persist it gives way to pleasure, but this just isn’t happening to today. It actually kind of hurts. After 30 minutes of trying, I give up. I feel like I’ve woken myself up more instead.
I’m lying in bed feeling awake, annoyed and my sheets are soaked with sweat.
Friday
I go with my friend to a lesbian bar after work. Obviously I’m in a happy relationship with a man, but there are a lot of attractive women there.
I would never cheat on my boyfriend, or want to, but I am thinking about how nice it would be to kiss a woman.
My friend is also bi and seeing a guy, and we are discussing our dilemma. We talk about potentially being in open relationships. George is bi too, so he might be into it.
I’ve asked him before if he misses having sex with men now that he’s with me, but he says he doesn’t. I worry that I’m going to really crave being with a woman at some point though, but I’m scared to tell him this. We haven’t been together for too long and it feels too early to bring it up.
I’ve also never thought of myself as someone who would want to be in an open relationship – it seems complicated and people could easily get hurt. I think I would get jealous.
I go home after a few drinks, pondering my bisexual conundrum, and feel bad for thinking about being with other women.
Saturday
I’m excited to be seeing George for the first time in two weeks. In the afternoon we go to the park and I feel really horny lying next to him on the grass. We go home and have sex and I’m really into it, but my he doesn’t make me finish.
I’m frustrated, but I don’t say anything. I regret this later and wish I could be more assertive and ask for what I want.
We go out for a negroni-filled dinner and it’s really romantic and fun, but when it comes to bedtime my earlier excitement seems to have faded. We’re kissing and I start to get into it, but when George touches me it’s no way near as sensitive as it was earlier.
It could be to do with the drinks. Sometimes I lose all feeling in my vulva so easily. It can be like flipping a switch. I’ll feel something and then suddenly it will go completely numb.
He’s touching me for ages but nothing is happening, so I tell him to give up. Later when we are lying in bed talking he asks to see my vibrator.
I’m shy at first but then get it out to show him. It’s a big pink rabbit so I feel quite silly, but he asks me if I want to use it on myself. It’s quite powerful and loud so I keep laughing at first, but then I get into it. I’m using it and he’s kissing me, which is really hot. After I come he tells me he was really turned on by it.
Sunday
Being in a new relationship, Sunday mornings now usually start with sex. I’m a bit hungover and tired, but my boyfriend starts to initiate by gently touching me while we are spooning.
I’m enjoying the kissing and closeness but am feeling quite dead down there. I’m not really turned on, and when he puts his hands inside my knickers I can’t really feel anything. He touches me for a while and I can tell he wants to make me come, but I’m numb.
I eventually warm up a bit but know I’m not going to finish. I tell him I’m not going to. We then have sex which is really nice, and I don’t feel like I need a big orgasm. I am always less sensitive in the mornings.
It’s raining in the afternoon so we decide to stay in and watch a film. Halfway through we start kissing and then things heat up. George is going down on me but I’m really in my head.
It feels really good but I’m self conscious it’s taking me too long to come. I’m worried he’s getting bored or tired because it’s taking me ages. I know I have to really concentrate to finish, which means lying completely still with my eyes closed.
It makes it seem like I’m not enjoying it, but I am! Eventually I do come and it’s a great release, but I wish I could have relaxed more.
Afterwards, I go down on him and it makes me feel incredibly sexy and in control. I’m so turned on by it, and because I’ve already had my orgasm I can really relax during the sex. I really enjoy myself and he finishes when he’s inside me and on top.
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Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.
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