Shabana Azmi on Honey Irani’s reaction to her affair with Javed Akhtar: ‘She felt rejected’

Azmi revealed that Akhtar put in a lot of effort to rebuild a healthy dynamic with Irani. She said, “We decided that there should be no bitterness involved. Of course, in the beginning, she was very bitter, she felt rejected. But he kept at it, he kept at it, he kept at it. And today, what’s come from it is really something that I’m proud of.”

Infidelity can leave deep emotional and psychological scars on all parties involved. Gurleen Baruah, organizational psychologist at That Culture Thing, explains, “To fully grasp these impacts, it’s important to first understand why infidelity happens. Research indicates that infidelity often stems from a mismatch in expectations within the relationship. While it can be a personality trait in some individuals, more often than not, cheating occurs when the current relationship is not meeting perceived or real expectations.”

Common emotional and psychological impacts of infidelity on the individuals involved

When it comes to entering a relationship, mutual consent is required, but breaking it can be initiated by just one person. This can lead to several emotional and psychological impacts on the betrayed partner such as:

Denial and suppression: Many betrayed partners may refuse to acknowledge the infidelity, even when there are clear signs. This denial, often referred to as the “ostrich fallacy” (if you can’t see it, it doesn’t exist), can lead to suppressed emotions. This suppression can manifest in other behaviours and feelings such as frustration, irritation, loneliness, and isolation.

Erosion of trust: Infidelity breaks the fundamental trust in a relationship. The betrayed partner may feel they cannot trust anyone in the future. This breach of trust can lead to self-blame, questioning one’s judgment, and in extreme cases, self-harm.

Many betrayed partners may refuse to acknowledge the infidelity (Source: Freepik)

Self-Esteem issues: Being cheated on can severely damage a person’s self-esteem. It can make them feel unworthy and rejected, leading to thoughts like, “Why wasn’t I good enough?” This erosion of self-worth can have long-lasting effects on their confidence and self-image.

Sadness, emptiness, and grief: Infidelity can lead to deep sadness and a sense of emptiness. The betrayed partner may feel profound grief over the loss of the relationship they believed they had. This grief can be compounded by feelings of abandonment, leading to depression, anger, and in some cases, destructive behaviors like self-harm.

Social isolation: Infidelity can also result in social withdrawal. The betrayed partner might feel embarrassed or ashamed and may avoid social interactions, leading to isolation.

Factors that determine whether a couple can successfully rebuild their relationship or decide to part ways

For a relationship to heal, both partners must genuinely seek forgiveness and offer sincere apologies, says Baruah. “This involves acknowledging the hurt caused and demonstrating a commitment to making amends. Both partners must be committed to working through the issues that led to infidelity. This includes addressing underlying problems, improving communication, and rebuilding trust.”

Understanding the context in which the infidelity occurred is crucial. While not justifying the act of cheating, if it was a result of a genuine mistake – such as stress, impulse, or unmet needs—and the cheating partner regrets their actions, there might be a chance for reconciliation.

Seeking help from a therapist or counsellor can provide guidance and facilitate productive conversations. Professional support can help address underlying issues, improve communication, and develop strategies for moving forward, Baruah suggests.

Strategies individuals can employ to rebuild their self-esteem and trust in relationships after experiencing infidelity

Rebuilding self-esteem and trust after experiencing infidelity can be a challenging journey, but there are several effective strategies individuals can employ:

Lay down your own needs: Start by prioritising your own needs and desires. Take time to reflect on what you want in a relationship and what your non-negotiables are. Clearly communicate these to yourself and, when ready, to potential partners.

Take therapy alone: Consider individual therapy to work on yourself and understand your emotions better. Therapy can help you build a healthy sense of self, process the emotional fallout of infidelity, and develop strategies for healing.

Take time out and enjoy alone time: It’s essential to give yourself space and time to heal. Enjoy activities that you love and allow yourself to experience solitude and introspection. 

Be open to dating new people: When you feel ready, consider dating again. Understand that there are plenty of potential partners out there, and each dating experience can teach you something valuable about yourself.

Look for values match: When exploring new relationships, prioritise compatibility in values, lifestyles, and long-term goals. Consider what kind of life you want to share with a potential partner and ensure that your visions align.