Scandal recap: 'Hardball'

Kelly Clarkson once said, “The trouble with love is, it doesn’t care how fast you fall. And you can’t refuse the call, if you’re offered the job of press secretary even if you taught your presidential girlfriend how to throw a pitch.” Okay, that’s not the actual lyrics. But it is applicable. Tonight we jump back and forth between the American tragedy of Frankie Vargas’ assassination and a surprising world where baseball feels strangely sexy. Before we can deal with the present, we have to go back and address the past, which involves a familiar situation. Remember when a young staffer fell for the presidential nominee? No, not Olivia… Marcus. And Mellie’s that nominee. Let’s just hop in.

In the present day, Olivia meets with Abby, David, and Fitz in the Oval to reveal that shady voicemail incriminating Cyrus in Frankie’s death. After a curiously fast FBI investigation, neither Fitz nor the FBI is interested in chasing down Cyrus. But their suspect, the ever-charming white supremacist he is, turns down a plea deal admitting to the murder, instead signing a colloquial phrase the kids love to use. In his words, “It’s a less polite way of saying go have sex with yourself.” Finish the mad lib!

Fitz pulls Cyrus and Mellie into a room together to discuss how to not implode America, which, as we’ve seen, is easier said than done. But as Fitz leaves, Mellie asks Cyrus if he’s going to kill her — and then she offers up some ways to do it because she’s not only a good loser, but a creative one. But the way Cyrus chooses to blow her mind is by offering her his vice president spot. She’s not interested, because she is not ready to give up. Cyrus takes the moment to let her know he’s not responsible for Frankie’s death, but c’mon y’all.

That’s when we flash back again to Marcus teaching Mellie how to throw a baseball. They get closer and closer, eventually spooning on the pitcher’s mound because it’s all in the hips. I’ve honestly never wanted to play baseball more in my life. They almost kiss, but Mellie stops it and takes off, leaving Marcus to angrily throw the ball… as sexually frustrated men are wont to do. We come back for a moment to reality, where Abby asks for Jake’s help to prove the assassin acted alone, but who needs assassin drama when we could get back to the sexy Mellie and Marcus drama?

In another flashback, we see the results of that pitch, which in sports speak was a “slam dunk.” They’re so excited that they break into a jar of Mellie’s hooch, but again… they decide to call it a night. Yet as Marcus starts to leave, Mellie tells him not to go. This leads to more baseball speak: a home run, if you will. Marcus lifts Mellie onto a desk and, well, I’m sure you get the rest. So many bases. So many metaphors.

Back at OPA, we return to that little side plot where Quinn is marrying Charlie. She and Huck are doing a deep dive into Charlie’s background when they’re interrupted by Olivia and Charlie himself. The focus turns back to Jennifer and that crazy voicemail she left before getting blown up in the woods. Olivia meets the FBI director for drinks that night, leaving Quinn and Huck to break into the FBI as FBI Director Angela because they thrifted her fingerprint. Olivia uses the president as a talking point because high-ranking ladies love to gossip about men. Inside the FBI, Quinn scares a lower-level agent and successfully snags that evidence, and it’s just in time, because FBI Director Angela has to take off.

Why’s that? Because Abby took Jake to the assassin and convinced him to confess to shooting Frankie. And when Angela goes in to check on our low-key killer/high-key racist, it appears he’s actually peed on himself. I think we all know what Jake is capable of, but making a man pee on himself? And not even in the fun Russian-prostitute-on-the-bed way? That’s dark, man. Olivia runs off to the White House to correct the error of Abby’s ways because sometimes Abby gets a little bonkers when PRESIDENTS ARE KILLED.

But news gets around fast, so Mellie calls Marcus to tell him about the confession and asks what she should do about this vice presidency offer. He says she should spend eight years in the Senate and try again — partly because she’s young and qualified, but also because no one ever chooses Mellie, but Marcus did. All she has to do is choose him… all Meredith Grey-like in the scrub room of Washington, D.C. We flash back again! Mellie talks to Olivia about her torrid affair with her young political confidant sex panther, Marcus. Eventually, Olivia admits that she’s happy Mellie has a nice boy, but it’s clear that she’s still concerned.

NEXT: It’s wine time

In a deep dive, we find out that Olivia is why Marcus got the press secretary job, and her goal was to split up Mellie and Marcus. Of course, Mellie is devastated because at this point, Olivia Pope has a PhD in ruining Mellie’s love life. But when Mellie confronts Olivia about it, she isn’t sorry at all, because Olivia was never trying to make Mellie a doting wife… she was trying to make her president. In the middle of her angry tangent, Mellie drops the bomb that Cyrus offered her the vice presidency, but she’s not interested in taking Olivia along with her, meaning Olivia is going to have a hard time getting back to the White House. And when we flash back again, it makes sense why she might be mad.

You see, Mellie went full blown hooch-Mellie when Marcus told her about the job. She accuses him in a flashback of sleeping his way to the top and says that he used her for the job, and she’s pretty much disgusted that he would do it. Clearly he didn’t, because Olivia is the one who ruined the lovefest, but Mellie’s big speech is enough to break what she and Marcus had together. So with that, Marcus and Mellie are over (in the past), Olivia and Mellie are over (in the present), and um… Quinn and Charlie are still together.

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And when Olivia returns to OPA, she tells Quinn to pursue that (sometimes torturous but mostly healthy) love, because she’s not tethered to power and ambition like Olivia is. I can’t tell if that’s an insult or not, but Olivia is clearly broken beyond repair. She can’t find love, and with no path to the White House, she closes down the investigation. I believe it was Gandhi who once said, “Why discover the true story behind the death of a man if you can’t benefit from it?” As Frankie’s funeral takes place, though, a spark comes alive in Mellie. She goes to the White House to meet with Fitz and Marcus, because girlfriend is not ready to step out of the political spotlight yet.

Later, Mellie appears at OPA, where Olivia has just poured herself a heaping glass of red wine. As they sit down together to talk about the future, Huck arrives with some evidence he’s unearthed from those 5,000 hours of video footage he and Quinn stole from the FBI. Olivia takes it straight to the White House, where she finds Fitz cuddled up to FBI Director Angela on the balcony. (LORD do these people not understand what a private area is?) The video reveals a big argument between Vargas and Cyrus in which Vargas threatened Cyrus with imprisonment. With that, Fitz calls the attorney general and Olivia sashays away in the way only a woman slightly intoxicated on wine and the evidence behind a national tragedy can. Sashay, girl. Sashay away.