Once Upon a Time recap: The Tower

Uh oh, Snow White — better keep a close eye on your mostly-pure heart.

Tonight’s episode of Once was a lengthy meditation on fear that culminated in wicked Zelena getting her once-green mitts on a very special magical item: Prince Charming’s courage, or at least “a symbol of it,” according to Regina. So far, there don’t seem to be any immediate consequences to what just happened; it’s not as though David immediately turned into a sniveling coward once his courage was gone. We can, however, infer that the Witch is on some kind of Wizard of Oz-inspired collecting spree — one that, more likely than not, will find her looking to gather up a (symbolic) heart and brain to go with her newfound courage. Given her interest in Charming’s wife, as well as the show’s historical interest in what’s beating within the princess’s chest, it stands to reason that Snow’s heart may be next on Zelena’s list. (Think a cow as white as milk and a cape as red as blood also made it in?)

But here’s the million dollar question: Where’s she going to get the brain? Because if “The Tower” is any indication, there may be a serious shortage of smarts on Once.

Okay, maybe that’s a little too harsh. Amendment: There’s a serious shortage of smarts among Once‘s royal couple.

Exhibit A: Tonight’s Fairyback, which begins with Charming having a spooky stress dream about fatherhood (dig that Exorcist doll!). He wakes up in the Fairy Land of nine months ago only to learn that his extremely pregnant-looking wife is… pregnant. Like, come on, Charming. You seriously didn’t notice the beach ball Snow’s been smuggling under her chaste nightgowns? (Also: How does she look that pregnant if it’s nine months before a present-day Storybrooke where Snow still hasn’t given birth? Watch the answer be “magic.”)

Anyway, this completely new information immediately sends Charming into a tailspin of anxiety. The last time he and Snow tried to procreate, they wound up with a sarcastic 28-year-old car thief as a daughter; how might they end up screwing up this kid? He goes to drown his sorrows in his secret stash of stable hooch — it’s got a real oaky horseyness — where he runs into Robin Hood, who’s got just the thing to distract Charming from his woes: A story about a magical fear-vanquishing plant called nightroot. (Not to be confused with dreamshade, which is hopefully localized entirely within a Never Land we’ll never have to visit again.)

And just like that, it’s questin’ time.

NEXT: Rapunzel, Rapunzel, chop off your hair!

Exhibit B of Charming’s dimness: Thanks to Robin, Charming learns that the root grows in a part of the forest known to be haunted. He then decides it’d be a great idea visit this haunted wood at night. At first, this doesn’t seem to be such a bad decision after all; David locates the plant relatively easily. He’s all set to head back to his castle… when he hears the unmistakable cry of a damsel in distress.

You just know David’s gonna be on that like white on rice — and he doesn’t disappoint, barely getting phased when he finds out that the lady he’s trying to rescue happens to be inside of an enormous tower with no discernible entrance. So he climbs up the convenient vines encircling the tower’s base, then makes it up the rest of the way via a rope woven out of what appear to be Snow White’s old wigs. You know where this is headed: At the top of the tower stands Rapunzel, played here by guest star Alexandra Metz. I have to say that the lady’s actual hair is much more awesome than her Once rug.

The “real” Rapunzel wasn’t a princess, but this one is. She explains to Charming that she doesn’t know how many years she’s been locked within the tower — good thing her gorgeous dress is still perfectly pristine — then explains that she first came to the wood in search of braverly-inducing nightroot. Unfortunately, after she ingested the root, a hooded witch appeared and imprisoned her. It’s not long before said witch appears again and starts climbing up to the tower’s window, ready to unleash some fresh hell.

Everyone in America is yelling at Charming to just cut off Rapunzel’s hair so the witch falls to her doom. For whatever reason, he doesn’t listen — that’s Exhibit C — instead trying to attack Hood with his sword once she makes her way inside. Could it be that the witch from Rapunzel’s story is none other than Zelena? Things certainly seem to be heading that way — until Hood pulls down her cloak and reveals that she’s actually a demon wearing Rapunzel’s face. Twist! See, eating nightroot creates a creepy doppelganger who represents all of your worst fears. The only way to get rid of it is to face what truly scares you, which reminds me of my favorite episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark?

NEXT: Who’s ready for Exhibit D?

Charming catches onto this surprisingly quickly. He encourages Rapunzel to face her literalized demons — the worry that she isn’t good enough to lead her kingdom — and just like that, the princess finds a hitherto unknown inner strength. Before you can say “Let It Go,” she finally lets her hair down, as it were — chopping off the weave-braid and sending Hood back into the ether.

As a result of his little adventure, Recent Past David is fully ready to become a father for a second time. Present Day David, however, is in freakout mode once again — though even this can’t explain Exhibit D. Shortly after he, Hook, Emma, and Regina discuss how they need to find the Wicked Witch — who, as Regina reminds everyone, will look like just another normal person in Storybrooke — Charming begs off to go meet the new midwife Snow has been raving about. And even though he’s never seen said midwife around town before — and even though her overwrought kindness is just the teensiest bit suspicious — and even though she’s got a name that could only belong to a wicked witch who can’t be called Elphaba due to copyright issues — Charming never thinks to pull Snow aside and say, “Listen, there is a 100 percent chance that your new pal is the freakin’ Wicked Witch of the freakin’ West.” Honestly. Honestly.

In Charming’s defense, naive Snow also never thinks to question Zelena’s motives or identity. Neither does Belle, who’s running the pawn shop in Rumpel’s absence and finds herself on the business end of Zelena’s magic when the witch heads there to retrieve, you guessed it, some nightroot. Zelena slips the demon-maker into Charming’s tea, then watches with a gleeful glint as Charming heads off to meet up with Hook and Emma, who have tracked the Witch to a farmhouse on the edge of town. (Ten bucks say her sister’s remains are buried beneath its foundation.)

While the savior and the pirate are enjoying a bit of regulation sexual tension, David finds himself stuck in the woods with another hooded figure who — yep — turns out to be his fears manifested. And even though the whole thing is more than a little Dementor-esque, this Hood, like Rapunzel’s, is genuinely creepy. David nobly fights his Hood, even when the spirit slices off his sword’s blade. And just as he’s about to get reinforcements in the form of Emma, Hook, and Regina, the prince finally manages to dust the demon for good by sticking what’s left of his weapon into its chest.

NEXT: Good (?) news for Belle, plus Breadcrumbs

Oddly enough, the hilt disappears into a swirl of green magic as Hood dissipates — which is when Regina informs us that the witch now has hold of Charming’s courage. (Okay, mystery solved; she’s got to be the brains of this operation, right?) Another odd thing: When the gang heads back to the farmhouse, they discover that the door to its root cellar has been unlocked — even though it was closed securely when Emma and Hook left. They head down the stairs, finding nothing but an empty cage. Well, mostly empty: It contains a spinning wheel, some straw, and more than a little gold. Looks like Rumpel is officially on the loose again. Hey la, hey la, Belle’s crazy boyfriend is back!

Breadcrumbs

– Before he escapes (or is released from) the cage, we see Zelena taunting Rumpel in a short but sweet scene. Looks like she’s controlling him via the Dark One’s dagger — and like the imp isn’t actually her father after all. (Here’s what we do know about Zelena’s dad: He was a drunk, but a cleanly-shaved one. So Homer Simpson is out.)

– Charming’s nightmare contains one of the dreamiest dresses Once has ever seen, and Jennifer Morrison looks absolutely stunning in it. I mean, the leather jacket is nice and all — but wouldn’t you like to see Emma get to be a pretty pretty princess more often?

– As Hook points out (with just a hint of smug), one of the flying monkeys may well be Nealfire. Next week’s preview seems to imply that he’s still his scruffy human self, though.

– Topographical update: While the rest of the crew is on its witch hunt, Regina buys Henry ice cream and takes him for a walk around a lake I didn’t know Storybrooke had. Also, there are some real impressive mountains visible from Zelena’s farmhouse. Vancouver! How do you be so pretty?

– Nine-months-ago Regina gave Robin some gold-tipped arrows as a thank-you for helping her break into the castle. When a lady gives you deadly weaponry, that’s how you know she’s into you.

– Between the accent, the schoolmarm garb, and the cheeriness, who else got a serious Mary Poppins vibe from Zelena tonight?

– The other thing I thought of when we learned who the hooded demons were: Shawn unmasking the “killer” in this episode of Boy Meets World.

– Next week, we’ll apparently learn how Zelena resurrected Rumpel, and there will be witch puns aplenty. Sounds like a good time!