'Bones' recap: The truth (about Angela and Wendell) is out there

Truth: I am not an X-Files fanatic, so aside from the show’s theme song being a ringtone and guest star Dean Haglund (X-Files‘ Richard ‘Ringo’ Langly) playing the murderer, you’re on your own to point out references. I am, however, a David Boreanaz fan, so I can tell you that Rocketship 7, which Booth mentioned in the diner/UFO Museum Research Center, was a children’s TV show hosted by his father. There, I’m not totally worthless!

The “X-Files episode” seemed long overdue, seeing as how in the pilot of Bones, Booth refers to he and Brennan as Mulder and Scully, and Bones shoots on The X-Files’ old stage. But it was worth the wait (even if they could’ve used B&B being in Roswell alone, under the stars, to advance that romance plot). Remains of a female (“Earth female?” asked Booth) were found in the desert. She was a UFO hunter, who, we ultimately found out, had thought she’d seen a real one but had only captured a battery company dumping its chemical waste in the Mexican desert near some Mexican flannelbush, which are on the verge of extinction. You thought the killer was the American woman (Penny Johnson Jerald of 24 and The 4400) in charge of waste disposal — she’d confronted the victim in the diner and wanted to buy her footage. But it was actually the diner owner, who’d overheard the argument, believed like the victim that it was a real UFO she’d filmed, told her he’d meet her in the desert with a buyer willing to pay millions, took the ball bearings out of some of his museum toys, loaded them into a zip gun from his memorabilia wall, and shot and killed her.

One: I liked that the local cop, who was still played as a bit of a buffoon, was actually smart enough to figure this all out. That’s a change on Bones. Two: In addition to learning that prisoners hide things in their mouths by dangling them from a tooth with dental floss (how the victim hid her memory card, which Angela was able to work her magic on) and just how badass cockroaches truly are (could they be aliens?), we also got to see what I’d argue was the best Hodgins experiment to date… After super-smokin’ Wendell insisted he tell Hodgins that he’s sexing Angela, Hodgins insisted the three of them go out to lunch to show how fine they all are with it. Sweets, picking up takeout, stopped by their table to tell them they’re not fine, and Hodgins finally realized it and showed up at Sweets’ office for some emergency couch time. Sweets told him he didn’t think he was jealous, he was just grieving the loss of the relationship he thought would last forever. All he needed was time (and, off the record, alcohol). Hodgins asking to just sit there for a few moments with Sweets was a nice moment. I wish when I was having a bad day, John Francis Daley would come into my office and just sit quietly on the big inflatable yellow chair I have in one corner. (Promo swag from GSN, but useful.) I suspect he has that calming effect in real life, too. And if not, he could distract me by being adorable and funny… Anyway, the experiment: Hodgins got a bit more therapy when they needed to test what kind of firearm would have sent ball bearings into a skull but not fracture it. He put wigs and faces on the melons: his, Wendell’s, Cam’s, and Angela’s. Watching him blow the top of Wendell’s head off (“I’ll shoot you!”) was awesome; Angela’s melon being “the one” was poetic. He’d like to hurt her but he wouldn’t want to see her suffer. Or, screw up her pretty face.

Now, I’m gonna get a little spoilery here: At press tour, Emily Deschanel told EW’s Michael Ausiello that there will be an engagement and a wedding on Bones this season — maybe not the same couple. I feel like the obvious answer is that Angela and Wendell will somehow get engaged, and at the ceremony, Hodgins will object, and since Wendell is such a decent guy, he’ll say you’re right, and Jack and Angela will end up finally getting married. Now, I have no idea how they would make an Angela and Wendell engagement convincing. I love me some Wendell (“I can be very bad when the time is right”) and think he’s a man, but even with all we know about his background, he still seems too young a soul for Angela. How do you want this triangle to play out? All I ask is that there’s no more use of slo-mo when Hodgins sees Angela and Wendell giggling or kissing, please. Also: That Angela keeps my beloved Wendell out of the Egyptian storage room, which is where she used to take Hodgins. Sure, it’s kinda hot there, but Wendell deserves his own place. (Knowing Angela’s sex drive, I fear that the hotel of afternoon delight is going to get awfully expensive.)

So, what did you think of “The X in the File”? What was your favorite line? A few suggestions below. And how psyched are you for next week’s JFK-themed episode?!

“Okay, let’s do it your way.” “You mean talk to Hodgins or…?” — Angela and Wendell, in bed

“Important blogger? Talk about an oxymoron.” — Booth, to the most important UFO blogger in the world (I did not take this personally)

“It’s very satisfying to use an insulting colloquialism, even when it isn’t accurate.” — Brennan to Booth, after she called the murderer a moron

“No probing! No probing!” — Booth, realizing that Brennan could be an alien if they are, in fact, nice anthropologists