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Dancing With the Stars performance recap: 'There's Booing in the Ballroom.'
For the second week in a row, dirty dancer Jennifer Grey and Derek (EW.com correspondent, ballroom division) claimed the top spot on the JUDGES' LEADERBOARD with a kicky jive. This, despite an alarming struggle with stamina. Jennifer basically collapsed after the dance, panting on the floor like a gold-fringed judges' pet in search of a bone. Maybe the exhaustion was primarily due to trying to keep up with Derek's level of facial enthusiasm? —Annie Barrett
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Gossip Girl recap: Class Warfare
Speaking of Daddy Dan, he's not a daddy. Milo was not his after all, and with GeorGINA still gone (in St. Bart's, apparently), Dan weighed his options. He contemplated taking the baby to social services, but changed his mind, opting instead to take on dual baby duty with Vanessa. I imagine if the baby's train of thought could be heard (in a Bruce Willis voice, of course), he would have piped up, ''Please, I'll take my chances with the feds. Maybe they won't put me in the same wool hat every week. It's summer, asshats.'' —Sandra Gonzalez
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The Event recap: In Plane Sight
TV shows survive their runty episodes with rich, complex, entertaining personalities that we enjoy hanging out with, even when they're stuck in a suck plot. I hope The Event knows this. Fleeting, sentimental flashbacks dropped into the stride of swift-moving story (think: the Sean/Leila college meet — cute in the pool, which was a very nice scene) are effectively endearing — but they're not enough. So I hope to see The Event invest in its people in the weeks to come —Jeff Jensen
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Desperate Housewives recap: There Will Be (Fresh) Blood
Renee's Ginsu-sharp tongue should also be an asset in the weeks and months to come. Her banter with Lynette snapped, crackled, and popped with the patented brand of bitchery we used to get when the Wisteria Four got together with the late, great Edie Britt. Susan asked Renee to tell the gals what Lynette was like in college. ''Absolutely fearless!'' Renee unabashedly said. ''She just kept wearing those parachute pants, lesbian rumors be damned!'' —Tanner Stransky
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The Amazing Race recap: The Country of London
At the rear of the pack, Vicki and Nick made a serious case for themselves as this season's adorable numbskulls. First, having ascended the castle, they ran around asking if any of the villagers were ''a battlement.'' They were looking for a flag. Flags were all around them. At one point, Nick actually grabbed a flag, unfurled it, and watched it blow in the wind, very flag-like. Later, when they couldn't find their boat, Nick argued, ''We might be our boat.'' What? Later, Phil asked Vicki, ''What country are you in right now?'' Vicki: ''London.'' Phil: ''Yes. The Country of London.'' —Darren Franich
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Survivor recap: The Hood, the Bad, and the Ugly
It's not that NaOnka needs to be nice to Kelly because she is an amputee, but she seems to go out of her way to be mean to her because of the phoney baloney limb. ''Don't think that I'm going to be nice to you because you have one leg,'' she said in one of her many tirades. ''I'm not gonna be nice to you. My name is NaOnka, not Fool.'' Actually, I think your name is Scariest PE Teacher in the History of the Entire World. Seriously, if she were in charge of my kids, I would be filling out transfer forms at this exact second. Not that she is incapable of teaching. After all, she was quite masterful in her dissertation on the differences between going ''Hood'' and going ''Ghetto.'' —Dalton Ross
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Glee recap: Britney, Baby, One More Time
While there were definitely moments of great Glee jukebox juice, parts of the hour felt forced. In my mind, the best Glee episodes occur when the music comes out of the storylines and fuels the plot; tonight's episode felt much more like Britney Spears' songbook getting shoehorned into a pre-existing script outline. —Tim Stack
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Hell's Kitchen recap: Rage Against the Cuisine
When Ramsay eliminated Raj out of nowhere — he was on the winning team! — I laughed harder than I had at anything so far this week. I watch so much reality TV that I feel kind of numb to the insanity of it all. Even when crazy stuff happens, like Michael Bolton crawling out of a doghouse, my facial expressions tend to fall somewhere on the spectrum between reluctant delight and dulled horror. Not so tonight. This was amazing! I was cracking up so hard I think I even rocked back and forth. I definitely slapped both knees. Ah, this show. —Annie Barrett
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Modern Family: Pucker Up and Say 'Ha!'
The real winner of tonight's episode was Ed O'Neill, who got to show off the many faces of family patriarch Jay. We saw his ridiculous side while he was squealing and slapping at a slab of chicken breast; we saw the gruff grouch we've come to know and love when his family demanded he show some affection to his son (''Don't be coy, what are you waiting for a box of chocolates? Let's do this!''); and lastly we witnessed his soft underbelly, when he kissed Manny's forehead while tucking him into bed. That's why we love Ed O'Neill, and that's why we love Jay Pritchett. —Lesley Savage
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Dexter recap: 'It was me'
Shortly after the police arrived (with Deb right behind), Dexter uttered the words that would come back to haunt him during the episode, ''It was me.'' Later, Deb would ask him exactly what he meant by that, a tinge of doubt — and maybe even fear? — in her voice. We never saw how Dexter answered, so perhaps she passed it off as some sort of survivor's guilt. But Dexter's statement — and the fact that neighbor Le Douche was crying and he wasn't — would earn Dexter a place as suspect No. 1 in the eyes of the FBI. —Sandra Gonzalez
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Jersey Shore recap: Angelina Vs.
Angelina turned into an Ayn Rand heroine, with an accent like a gangster from a 1930s movie. ''Alla youse is f?ing fake! I can't stand any of youse!'' Snooki, the champion of goodness and family values, turned to Sister JWoww. ''Hold my hoop earrings,'' said Super-Snooks, ''I got this.'' Cue hair-pulling, couch-wrestling, lots of rolling around in the fetal position, and lots of flailing girl limbs. Ronnie noted that Snooki has T. Rex arms, which sounds kind of funny coming from a shaved gorilla-man with crocodile-leather skin. —Darren Franich
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90210 recap: They Love You, Zack Morris!
I did not see this plot twist coming. The boss and her husband's creepy staring spell, praise of Annie's body parts, and invitation to come ''jacuzzi'' at their home made me think this story was taking a Never Let Me Go turn. Thankfully, Annie's organs aren't going anywhere, but she may be parting with her eggs. The couple wanted to pay Annie $20,000 for the chance to have a baby, but you've got to question wannabe parents who would lure a high school girl with an internship to provide the physiological foundation for their baby. —Archana Ram
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Grey's Anatomy recap: Recovery Plan
I wonder if someone could be denied treatment at Seattle Grace on the basis that his or her case would provide no life lessons for the angsty staff. Carrie assured everyone she was crying only because she was worried about Warren, thus calling into question the future quality of her care at this medical establishment. No, Carrie, you are here to teach us the fleeting nature of life and thus the importance of expressing our feelings in this moment because every moment may be our last! Get with the program! —Jennifer Armstrong
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Top Chef Just Desserts recap: Bake Me a (Wedding) Cake as Fast as You Can
At least Malika made the cake. Well, she tried. Kind of. Name a problem and girl had it: The cake was too soft, the icing was too warm, and worst of all, when she realized her second tier wasn't centered, she pulled it out, wrecking the whole darn thing in the process. What a sad development, because coconut custard infused with cardamom and vanilla sounded delectable. Break me off a slice of that! —Archana Ram
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Vampire Diaries recap: Game Night
Here's something I genuinely did not expect: For Katherine to have actually returned to Mystic Falls for Stefan. Of course, she never answered his question about what she was running from in 1864 when she struck a deal with werewolf George Lockwood to burn/entomb her 26 friends (and thereby fake her own death), so she could turn out to have another motive. But I do believe that she genuinely loved him, whatever ''love'' means to her. Yes, she's a manipulative, psychotic killer, but you can't totally hate her now. —Mandi Bierly
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Mad Men recap: Secrets and Lies
We saw Don and Roger fully stripped of their likable armor. For all his jackassery, Don lives by an arbitrary moral code. He is the alpha male in every room, the strong man with a twisted but real definition of honor. That folded last night, retched out of him as he scrambled to save himself. And Roger! He's always been a spoiled narcissist, but he is the sly fox you can't help but love. Yet last night he was wrung out of one-liners, bruised by age and a pathetic self-absorption. —Karen Valby
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Project Runway recap: Mondo's Big Secret
Raise your hand if you cried during this week's episode. I did. And no, it wasn't out of frustration for the stilted delivery from HP Big Shot Whatshername. But those tears would be perfectly acceptable, too. No, I cried, of course, for Mondo. This season's most talented, interesting, and lovable designer broke my heart with his deeply personal and moving confession — first to us via video diary, then to the judges during the runway Q&A. His courage and spirit made for the most emotional episode in Runway history. —Missy Schwartz
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The Apprentice recap: Barking Mad
David is spectacularly unsettling in general, but I'm pretty sure James maniacally screaming ''A BINDER CLIP INTO A NAIL!'' will haunt me for weeks. I'm also haunted by.... A CRIPPLING FEAR OF DOGS. Just like Mahsa! You know Mahsa, right? Have you been to her mom's salon? She's worked at the front desk for the past 100,000 years in what we can only assume will be the greatest leading role of her lifetime. Let her tell you more about it. She worked the front desk at her mom's salon. She worked the front desk in her mom's salon. Shut up, Mahsa! Anyway, Fortitude's project manager, Tyana, has no interest in watching Mahsa sex everyone up in a little black dress. Tyana would get to play pretty pretty receptionist, and in a stunning display of viciousness, she assigns dog-fearing Mahsa to A BACK ROOM FULL OF BIG DOGS. —Annie Barrett
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30 Rock recap: It's a Dad Dad Dad Dad World
Lemon, who is cute, like a pretty refugee on the news, learns from lip-licker Jenna that ''being with someone makes people want to be with you.'' Naturally, she proceeds to strut around the office wearing a cowboy hat a Kiss FM DJ once called a 'sweet lid' and attempts — successfully, it seems — to flirt her way into some quicker title edits for TGS. Head editor Richie (Paul Giamatti) laps up the rare female attention with a fervor he usually reserves for shouting ''Death to Lincoln!'' —Annie Barrett
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America's Next Top Model recap: Hat's All, Folks
Kacey decided to throw a barbecue with the model dudes from last week, and visions of cycle 2 danced in my head. Remember in Milan? The night of the great Shandi scandal? Ah, memories. Instead, Kacey threw an unbearably awkward ''mixer'' (as Jane put it), and no one had fun. Maybe there's a ''no booze'' rule in Chez Modelhaus these days, but oy, that party had ''seventh-grade disaster'' written all over it. We were basically one first period away from an actual middle-school dance. Save us, Judy Blume! —Margaret Lyons
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The Office recap: Opposing Counsel
Toby was all ready to administer Michael's required therapy sessions, and his social work degree didn't go to waste: Despite many of Michael's comical efforts to thwart Toby's counseling, up to and including pretending to be a werewolf, eventually the World's Best Boss couldn't resist a few rounds of Connect Four. (''It's working! I'm doing it!'' Toby beamed.) As Phyllis acutely put it, Michael ''has a lot of issues, and he's stupid,'' plus he hates Toby, so the healing process barely got off the ground. —Margaret Lyons
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Supernatural recap: Battle in the 'Burbs
Time jump: Welcome to one year after Sam jumped into hell. Location: Casa del Dean, where salt is used as a seasoning (not a demon deterrent), where you sleep in a bed next to a woman (and not across from your brother in a grody motel room), and where your toolbox consists of hammers and wrenches and such (not an apocalypse-stopping arsenal). Oh, and you wear workout pants. (WTF!?...and yet...yum!) Sound normal? Good. It is. Sound like a life for Dean I-kick-ass-and-ask-questions-later Winchester? Nope. But is that bad? Well, that's what we need to explore. —Sandra Gonzalez
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The Biggest Loser recap: Medieval Torture
Bob is already starting out really strong in my favorite area of his expertise: One-on-one heart-to-hearts that make him seem like a 98 percent benevolent/1 percent sinister/1 percent flirtatious cult leader. Don't get me wrong, I love Bob. The 1-percent flirtatious flicker in his eyes is what makes him so genius to me. Bob does the same thing to Elizabeth, staring her down with his dreamy bedroom eyes. ''It's time to start taking care of Elizabeth now, isn't it? Yeah baby. Got your breath back now. You're in the right place.'' Knife-sharpening sound effect! These are the Biggest Loser moments I live for. —Annie Barrett
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The Real Housewives of D.C. recap: 'Do you think Obama will remember us?'
''You work hard, you give a lotta love, you end up at the White House,'' bragged Michaele in the limo ride to the State Dinner. That, or you end up on the Today Show refusing to answer questions. Or in your attorney's office, offering to pay legal fees in bottles of Oasis pinot grigio. Or in the mouths of every late night host cracking jokes. Just give love! —Karen Valby
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Dancing With the Stars results recap: Dog Gone
Michael Bolton-in-jeopardy told Brooke backstage about his disappointment with Bruno's Monday night comments. Bruno had called Bolton's ''Hound Dog'' jive, in which the singer had crawled out of a doghouse in search of a tasty bone, ''probably the worst'' jive in the series' history. ''Last night, I think Bruno was inappropriate and disrespectful,'' said Bolton during Tuesday's results. Good for him; he should get to speak his mind. But was Bruno not allowed a judgment call? It was harsh, yes, but I didn't mind the sudden gust of honesty for once. I'm never sure where the official ''line that dare not be crossed'' exists with this show. —Annie Barrett
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Bones recap: George Clooney's Killing Spree
Bones has approached its central couple in a unique way: Booth and Brennan have talked through their mutual attraction more than any other will-they-or-won't-they pairing in TV history. (They've basically had three years of couples therapy, thanks to Sweets.) They navigated the delicate emotions of the 100th episode beautifully. So I'm trying not to be too skeptical. But is it really the best idea to bring in a beautiful blonde plot contrivance? —Darren Franich
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Nikita recap: Totally Nuts
Alex was stuck in scary orphan land, and spent quality time with Amanda, who will presumably be torturing a different character on a weekly basis. Alex kept having mysterious visions from her past, but for some reason lied about it to Amanda. Nikita was annoyed that her mole was M.I.A. when she needed her, but I still think it's unrealistic for the two of them to communicate via computer. It's not like Alex is sitting around Division drinking wine and working on her night cheese before bed. No, she's got busy days filled with drinking Amanda's crazy tea and wearing the crazy suit as a result. —Emily Exton
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Cougar Town recap: Slap Out of It!
I have to tip my hat to and put on my invisible opera gloves for the Cougar Town writers and Courteney Cox for somehow making this mother-son relationship so incredibly inappropriate yet simultaneously hilarious. Umbilical cord that might be something else! Motorcycle hugs! Matching toe rings! It could have been as ridiculous as fishing off a boat and onto a road. But sometimes Cougar Town-crazy is crazy-relatable. Jules just assumed she and Travis would hug, she'd wave, and he'd look back at her from his car with ''some meaningful glance that sort of summed up our relationship.'' I almost cried just thinking about that, because it's true — that's exactly what a mom would want. —Annie Barrett
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Star Wars: The Clone Wars recap: It's 1999 All Over Again!
You've got to hand it to the folks at Lucasfilm for having some major guts. In the scant 11 years since he burst onto the screen like a fuchsia lightning bolt, Jar Jar Binks has become one of the most reviled characters ever to enter the pop culture pantheon. Considered annoying comic relief at best, a Rastafarian caricature at worst, Jar Jar has found few fans. And yet, amazingly, Lucasfilm has maintained faith in the appeal of the character, and ''Supply Lines'' was the seventh episode of The Clone Wars in which he's appeared. —Christian Blauvelt
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Brothers & Sisters recap: Four Seconds of a Funeral?!
At the heart of the premiere, though, were Nora, Kitty, and Justin, who had returned home from yet another tour of duty. We learned that Nora actually lashed out at her son before he redeployed, insisting that maybe he should go if he really felt he was dying and losing the war at home. He was dying! ''THEN GO!'' screamed Nora in a stunning hybrid of pain, fear, tears, tender love, tough love, mega-bitch, and Boniva that truly only Sally Field can pull off. So Justin went. —Annie Barrett
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Big Bang Theory recap: Veggie Fail
Sheldon's campaign to make it to the Singularity folded in on itself, and he fashioned his own rudimentary robot to serve as his personal Mobile Virtual Presence Device. Kudos to the Big Bang production crew, who for the second week running created what appeared to be a fully-operation robot. Looks like that move to Thursdays came with a wee bit of a boost in the show's bottom line; that, or look for a lot of one-set episodes come February sweeps. —Adam B. Vary
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Boardwalk Empire recap: Ribbon & Blues
Margaret reads Henry James' The Ivory Tower in the hospital before heading home, her appetite for unspeakably corrupt people with money recently whetted by her friendship with Nucky. Sheriff Elias visits her to present yet another envelope of cash and remind Margaret that her husband Hans could have been involved in the bootleg shootings. Margaret was clearly hoping that the announced ''Mr. Thompson'' had been Nucky instead of Elias. She'd tied a blue ribbon in her hair and everything. And now Nucky will never see the ribbon...because creepy Van Alden swiped it from her kitchen table after questioning her relationship with Nucky! —Annie Barrett
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Lone Star recap: Why Did Bob Get Married Too?
Last night's episode wasn't as masterfully paced as the premiere, but it still brought us deeper into the hot-blooded, semi-mythic world of Bob/Robert Allen, his beloved daddy, and his two sets of in-laws. More importantly, it kept things dangerous. —Darren Franich
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