You're the Worst: Ranking Lindsay's worst offenses

The You’re the Worst crew are no angels, but Lindsay (Kether Donohue) took their depravity to a whole new level on Wednesday night’s season 3 premiere when she stopped chopping mushrooms to stick her knife into Paul’s (Allan McLeod) side. Suddenly, making herself pregnant with leftover sperm seems straight-up sane. Or, at the very least, vaguely understandable.

On the occasion of Lindsay’s descent into physical violence, we’ve ranked her worst offenses — impregnating herself with her ex’s leftover sperm included.

6. She steals her brother-in-law’s prescription drugs.

This isn’t the most sisterly thing to do, but also, her brother-in-law is a jerk, and what’s the point of family if you can’t borrow their stuff in times of need?

5. She freezes Paul’s sperm without telling him.

This is pretty bad, but it’s also, like, not terrible. There’s a big difference between intention and action, and she could just be freezing his semen for the hell of it, to say that she did. Maybe it’s a fun, harmless prank! “Hey, Linds, can I have this popsicle?” a stoned Gretchen asks one day before taking a lick, and, well. See? Fun!

4. She cheats on Paul.

Sleeping with someone else isn’t the solution to a struggling relationship — and it’s also a crappy thing to do to someone you’re married to. But, at the same time, Paul sucks, and Lindsay will go on to betray Paul in much more, uh, intense ways.

3. She toys with Edgar’s feelings.

2. She heats up the frozen sperm and inserts it in herself.

Okay, now this is terrible.

1. She stabs Paul.

Lindsay’s hurt Paul emotionally before, but this is the first time (that we know of, at least) that she makes it physical. Everything else on this list can be defended — maybe not defended well, but defended nonetheless. Stabbing your husband, less so. Breaking up is the answer to her problems here, not breaking skin.

You’re the Worst airs Wednesdays at 10 p.m. on FXX.