Razzies 2013: Which bad movies will/should win

All around Hollywood, the movie industry’s best and brightest are preparing for the year’s biggest awards bonanza — a starry, starry night of designer dresses, well-deserved wins, and touching acceptance speeches.

But as exciting as the Independent Spirit Awards may be, they can’t hold a candle to the Golden Raspberry Awards. Since 1980, this off-brand ceremony has rewarded the best in bad film, giving cinematic trainwrecks like Mommie Dearest, Howard the Duck, Showgirls, and Battlefield Earth the dishonor they deserve. The films in contention this year may not be quite as terrible as those that have won in years past — I Know Who Killed Me, anyone? — but most of them are certainly worthy of a $4.79 gold-spray-painted trophy.

So, which less-than-Oscar-worthy flicks will walk away “winners” at this weekend’s most important awards show? Here are EW’s picks for those that should snag “gold” — and those that will most likely end up victorious.

Worst Picture

The Contenders:

Battleship

The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure

That’s My Boy

A Thousand Words

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 2

Should win: Breaking Dawn — Part 2 leads the Razzies pack this year with a staggering 11 nominations in just 10 categories. Still, compared to Adam Sandler’s latest turkey and Eddie Murphy’s long-shelved family “comedy,” the last Twilight movie might as well be Amour. But none of these contenders is as infamous as The Oogieloves, a bizarre movie aimed at preschoolers that had the worst opening weekend in box office history. That’s got to be worth a Razzie.

Will win: That’s My Boy. Razzie voters love to hate Adam Sandler — his Jack and Jill swept the awards in 2012, winning in every single category — and this year should be no exception.

Worst Director

The Contenders:

Sean Anders, That’s My Boy

Peter Berg, Battleship

Bill Condon, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 2

Tyler Perry, Good Deeds and Madea’s Witness Protection

John Putch, Atlas Shrugged: Part II

Should win: Tyler Perry has somehow never won a Razzie. This is clearly an oversight that needs to be corrected ASAP.

Will win: Unless there’s a flood of support for That’s My Boy, expect this to be Perry’s year. (Sorry, Peter Berg; people don’t even care enough about Battleship to hate on it.)

Worst Actress

The Contenders:

Katherine Heigl, One for the Money

Milla Jovovich, Resident Evil: Retribution

Tyler Perry, Madea’s Witness Protection

Kristen Stewart, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 2 / Snow White and the Huntsman

Barbra Streisand, The Guilt Trip

Should win: Between The Ugly Truth, Killers, Life as We Know It, and New Year’s Eve, Katherine Heigl is long overdue for Razzie gold. Those previous performances weren’t even nominated — a travesty!

Will win: Kristen Stewart is catnip to haters, as well as a perpetual Razzies bridesmaid — she has four previous nominations, but no wins. Expect to see her bite her lip all the way to victory.

Worst Actor

The Contenders:

Nicolas Cage, Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance / Seeking Justice

Eddie Murphy, A Thousand Words

Robert Pattinson, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2

Tyler Perry, Alex Cross / Good Deeds

Adam Sandler, That’s My Boy

Should win: While it’s incredible that Nicolas Cage remains Razzie-less despite basically every film he’s made in the past 10 years, it’s tough to argue that Adam Sandler’s latest grating, gratuitously accented man-child deserves this one.

Will win: Sandler. [fart sound]

Worst Supporting Actress

The Contenders:

Jessica Biel, Playing For Keeps / Total Recall

Brooklyn Decker, Battleship / What to Expect When You’re Expecting

Ashley Greene, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2

Jennifer Lopez, What to Expect When You’re Expecting

Rihanna, Battleship

Should win: Wait, what’s Ashley Greene doing here? Everyone knows she’s the best thing about the Twilight movies! Clearly, the Supporting Actress field this year is pretty weak; considering the competition, Rihanna’s inauspicious acting debut is probably the most deserving performance here.

Will win: Rihanna will get sunk, if only so that the Razzie presenters can make a few Chris Brown jokes.

NEXT: Worst Screen Couple, Screenplay, and Remake, Rip-off or Sequel

Worst Supporting Actor

The Contenders:

David Hasselhoff, Piranha 3DD

Taylor Lautner, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 2

Liam Neeson, Battleship / Wrath of the Titans

Nick Swardson, That’s My Boy

Vanilla Ice, That’s My Boy

Should win: Piranha 3DD was a lame, self-referential horror movie that verged on spoof but didn’t even have the decency to be amusing; David Hasselhoff’s appearance as himself — complete with a nod to his 2007 drunk home video — was embarrassing enough to warrant a cheap statuette.

Will win: The temptation to give a Razzie to Vanilla Ice will likely be too great to resist — even though by most accounts, he was actually decent in That’s My Boy.

Worst Screen Couple

The Contenders:

Any combination of two cast members from Jersey Shore, The Three Stooges

Mackenzie Foy and Taylor Lautner, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 2

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 2

Tyler Perry and his drag get-up, Madea’s Witness Protection

Adam Sandler and Leighton Meester, Andy Samberg, or Susan Sarandon, That’s My Boy

Should win: Breaking Dawn — Part 2 is the first film in Razzie history to have two couples nominated in this category — listless Edward and Bella and sexy werewolf Jacob and the child he loves. (Yep, still gross.) Based on sheer ick factor, Lautner and Foy are miles ahead of the competition.

Will win: Just two years ago, the Jersey Shore kids would have had this one locked down. But since their relevance has faded, Sandler and co. will probably notch another victory here.

Worst Screen Ensemble

The Contenders:

Battleship

The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure

That’s My Boy

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 2

Madea’s Witness Protection

Should win: Again, it is impossible to overstate how utterly, utterly weird The Oogieloves is. For playing characters named Bobby Wobbly, Lola Sombrero, Lero Sombrero, Rosalie Rosebud, Milky Marvin, and Dotty Rounder, stars Cary Elwes, Jamie Pressly, Christopher Lloyd, Toni Braxton, Chazz Palminteri, and Cloris Leachman, respectively, should be ashamed and rewarded.

Will win: Though That’s My Boy could pull an upset, Razzie voters won’t want to miss their last chance to honor the Twilight crew.

Worst Screenplay

The Contenders:

Atlas Shrugged: Part II

Battleship

That’s My Boy!

A Thousand Words

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 2

Should win: Atlas Shrugged is a movie for Ayn Rand fanatics, by Ayn Rand fanatics — but anyone else may not be able to make sense of what’s happening onscreen, at least during the rare moments when plot interrupts another long monologue about the glories of capitalism.

Will win: Sandler didn’t write That’s My Boy, but his presence in the film makes it this category’s frontrunner. Twilight‘s Melissa Rosenberg also has a shot here, since it’s her fourth consecutive nomination — but if anything, she should get a medal for transforming the slow-paced Twilight books into serviceable movies.

Worst Remake, Rip-off or Sequel

The Contenders:

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

Madea’s Witness Protection

Piranha 3DD

Red Dawn

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 2

Should win: In terms of pure inessentiality, nothing can touch Red Dawn — a film that never may have been released at all if its cast didn’t happen to include stars of The Hunger Games and The Avengers. The movie’s post-production villain switch from China to North Korea — its producers were nervous about offending the emerging Chinese market — also earns it a place in the hall of shame.

Will win: It’s Breaking Dawn‘s to lose, especially as a consolation prize if That’s My Boy gets Worst Picture. Think hearing this news might finally get Kristen Stewart to smile?

Razzies 2013: Which bad movies will/should win

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