Giants, Cowboys, and Tim Tebow, oh my

For millions of people who have literally dozens of dollars riding on their fantasy football season, yesterday was a crucial Sunday as many pretend-leagues began their playoffs. So good luck trying to segue into the shocking Boardwalk Empire finale when your boyfriend is staring blankly into his bowl of Cheerios, lamenting his poor decision to start Matt Hasselback over Mark Sanchez. Say nothing. Give him time to mourn. But if he sulks a little too long, give him some tough love: “Why wouldn’t you go with Sanchez in December? Have the last two seasons taught you nothing?” And then run.

At the office, you can expect more of the same. Here are three things you need to know to keep up with the rehash of yesterday’s NFL action.

1. “Turns out Eli was right: He and Tom Brady are in the same class after all.”

Giants quarterback Eli Manning was ridiculed this preseason when he told a New York radio station that he considered himself in the same class as New England’s three-time Super Bowl-winning QB. Well, last night, he was. He brought the G-Man back from 12 points down in the final six minutes to shock the Cowboys, 37-34. He was Brady-esque. Meanwhile, in Washington, Brady was doing his best Bad-Eli impression, missing open receivers and tossing a red-zone interception that could’ve cost the Pats the game. Then, he ended up in a sideline screaming match with his offensive coordinator. On second thought, maybe they weren’t really in the same class yesterday.

2. “Tim Tebow plays quarterback like John McClane fights terrorists.”

There’s not much left to say about Tim Tebow, who rallied the Broncos to another overtime victory against Chicago, that hasn’t already been expressed. His play is never polished, and there are moments where you wonder how he’s made it this far with some of his errant throws. But then there he is, with the game in his hands, and you can’t look away. He’s like Bruce Willis in the Die Hard films. Though I suspect the wholesome Tebow celebrates with the edited-for-TV, “Yippi Ki-Yay, Mr. Falcon!”

3. I believe it was Yeats who said, “Being a Texans fan, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy.”

Okay, maybe this won’t get you anywhere at the watercooler, but Houston’s third-string rookie quarterback, T.J. Yates, clinched the franchise’s first-ever playoff berth with a last-second touchdown pass. They’ve now won seven in a row and are still in the hunt for home-field advantage. I suspect Houston fans are still a little reluctant to rejoice, but if the Cowboys fully collapse and miss the playoffs altogether, this will be even sweeter for long-suffering Oilers/Texans fans.