'90210' recap: When the boys get amorous, the girls go to St. Barts

They sure do like some delayed gratification on this show, but this week all our hard work watching thin, pretty young(ish) people pretending to be rich teenagers with problems finally, finally, finally paid off! God bless the holidays and their hiatuses.

First we got a totally lovesick, humbled Teddy, who went soft once he fell for Silver while helping her care for her sick mom. (Props for the whole breast-cancer-awareness Warriors in Pink shout-out. I’m all for that product placement.) He seemed pretty awful when he first came to West Bev, but this romantic act is working nicely on him, even if he does look like he’s two decades out of high school. (Or at least one.)

Then we got a lovesick Liam (what are they putting in the Bev Hills water these days?), who was mooning over Naomi after telling her he’d slept with her sister on prom night. (Yes, it’s so weird how the girl didn’t absolutely swoon over that one, because it’s so much more charming than him sleeping with her random, not-that-close friend, Annie.) “You could’ve put a stop to this months ago, Liam,” she told him, echoing my thoughts of the last, um, months. “Why didn’t you tell me what happened prom night?” (Just think of how much free time we all would’ve had on Tuesday nights if he had. We could’ve all been building boats instead of watching 90210. But we’ll get to the boat in a moment.)

Clearly needing a moment to collect themselves from all this heartbreak, the boys came together for one of their now-classic feeling-sharing summits, which resulted in Navid telling Teddy to “show her your heart.” This was at the same time that Naomi and Silver were discussing their St. Barts holiday plans, and Naomi was detailing her preparations for the topless beaches: “Don’t worry,” she told Silver. “I’ve been tanning my tatas in anticipation.” Score one for the girls, with extra points for alliteration.

Also talking about feelings, suddenly, were Mama Wilson and Dixon, who, it turns out, is adopted! And black! Who knew? Not that I want them to harp on this every week or anything, but it was nice to see them acknowledging that this couldn’t have been the smoothest transition. “It was like I woke up one morning surrounded by white people I was supposed to bond with,” he said, thus setting us up for the Obligatory Birth Parent Finding story lines to come when the show returns.

Teddy, meanwhile, decided that the way to show Silver his heart was on the Blaze TV channel closed-circuit deal at school. Totally cheesy (and made me think fondly back to Seth jumping on the coffee cart on The O.C. to declare his love to Summer … miss you, good years of The O.C.!), but effective nonetheless. Even better: Silver shot him down. He wasn’t about to get off easy here.

And he was right, she did look beautiful at the dance — not everybody can pull off wearing, like, 2 square feet of shimmery material and make it look classy. (Nor can just anyone freak out about forgetting to match their cell phone cover to their outfit while remaining endearing, but that is why we love Naomi: “Baby blue? Kill me now.”) Because we hadn’t had quite enough schmaltz yet, we got a blizzard of it at the dance, complete with Teddy kissing Silver on the dance floor and saying, “If you can honestly tell me you didn’t feel anything, I’ll stop trying.” (Maybe because he’s never had to actually romance a girl, the only moves and lines he knows are from a thousand movies?) Naomi tried to talk some sense into Silver when she once again rejected Teddy, urging her to give it a try: “Otherwise the moment could pass and the guy you like will end up with some she-male who only has one pair of shoes.” (That would be Liam and Ivy.)

As if all of this weren’t Christmas gift enough, we got a resolution to the lingering Jasper story line as well! Annie finally believed he was a drug dealer, after her former friends (with whom she’s slowly making amends) staged an intervention of sorts. Didn’t really buy that seeing Annie with him, of all things, would be what prompted Adriana to rat on Jasper. (One would think the guy putting the love of her life in the hospital would’ve done the trick.) But I’ll take it anyway. Then, when Annie finally confronted him about it, he dropped the bomb on her: “I accidentally pushed Navid down the stairs. And you accidentally ran over my uncle.” At last!

Then Dixon kissed Silver instead of telling her Teddy really liked her!

And Ivy texted Naomi to tell her to go to Liam’s and they made up and kissed! And he showed her (and us) what was under the tarp! And it was … a boat? Okay, sure. “They told me at the wilderness program to redirect my anger,” he explained. Huh. Well. Anyway. Now these two ridiculously attractive people can be happy together and have hot sex again and we don’t have to wonder what’s under the darn tarp! Merry Christmas to all!

What did you think, PopWatchers? Were these resolutions the answers to all of your holiday wishes? What are you most excited about seeing when 90210 returns? Annie’s comeuppance? Dixon and Silver? Dixon and Teddy? Which phone cover Naomi will use next?