'The L Word' recap: It's a wrap

It’s so appropriate that The L Word‘s fifth-season finale took place on Easter Sunday, because right around the 55-minute mark of theshow, I chirped up with a joyous little “She is risen!” as Jenny piped upfrom the back of the Les Girls wrap party and barged onstage. It was a night filled with game-changing, long-in-coming confrontations — Jennyand Adele, Dawn Bimbo and her lover Cindi, Helena and Peggy, Phyllis and Shane,Jodi and Bette… ooof, it was a rough night in West Hollywood, wasn’t it?

We’ll start with the returns of a few old friends: CrazyJenny appears to have returned from a stint in Boringtown, Peggy Peabody reenteredthe scene via helicopter and gurney (so fussy!), and her daughter Helena came backfrom wandering around like a fool with Dusty to basically buy back ThePlanet and bag Lover Cindi. Never mind that she’s a criminal on the lam. Randomaside No. 1: The supreme awesomeness of Peggy Peabody (and, by extension, HollandTaylor) was reconfirmed last night when she used the words “peccadilloes”and “willy-nilly” and answered a question of Helena’s with the phrase, “As isyour wont.” What is not to love about this woman? Random aside No. 2: Theunbearable tedium of Kit Porter was reconfirmed last night when she greetedHelena’s return with, “Girl! Girrrrrrrl! Girl… Girl!” I’m not lying. Those werethe first four words out of her mouth. But wasn’t that a predictable plot development,having Peggy give Helena the money to buy back the Planet? I’m hoping that’snot the last we’ve seen of Dawn Bimbo and her Lover Cindi. (We all must simplyrefuse to call her by her actual name, even if she did finally reveal it duringone of last night’s more inspired moments.) Do you sense that the show’s finalseason will draw out the enmity between Dawn and “the skanks”? And how silly isit that the girls are now BFFs with Lover Cindi?

addCredit(“The L Word: Paul Michaud”)

Do you ever wonder if Daniela Sea, the actress who playsMax/Moira, actually films more than the five or six lines she typically says inany given episode? I’m curious to know if she stuck around to say more than the”Hey guys!” that made it in last night. Max/Moira has achieved quite a dubioushonor on a show that’s populated entirely by divisive characters; there may beno more roundly hated member of the canvas than the little half-tranny that could. Ifanybody out there thinks that Max/Moira still has a reason for being on this show, could you please share your insightwith me? Otherwise, can we drop this character and make room for morescenes with Alice? That is, if she can have her old personality back? Because NOTHING she’s done this season hasresonated — The Look plot never felt fleshed out, the spark with Tasha is completely gone, and Aliceherself has behaved more like a judgmental shrew than the free-spirited lovershe once was. I welcomed the growth that happened after Dana’s death, but I worrythat Alice grew… bland. And Alice should never, ever be bland.

Which brings me to SHANE OH MY GOD SHANE HOW COULD SHE?! NONO NO! UNACCEPTABLE AND HYPOCRITICAL AND SELF-SABOTAGING AND ROTTEN! Whyyyyyyy,why? Why? I can’t believe Shane (Katherine Moennig, pictured) did it again. And with Niki, of all people!Oy, who’s kept count? How many times does this make? Once again, reality andauthority got up in Shane’s face, and because Shane didn’t like it, Shane madea mess. I don’t know where to start with this one. If I wanted to fight alosing battle, I’d go with the compulsive need for wanton outdoor sex (woo!Cheri Jaffe’s pool!). But all we can do is remember that Shane has been Shane since the very first episode of The L Word. We all knew exactly who she was from minute one, and no amount of personal happiness or trauma — self-inflictedor otherwise — is going to change much. That became astoundingly clear whenshe told Alice that Tasha’s military trial “never had anything to do with you.”Uh, yes it did. It kind of had everything to do with Alice, and to insist otherwiseis crazy talk. (I’m not arguing that Alice owes Tasha anything, but Shane’sclaim is preposterous and not all that helpful.) Phyllis really did say it best a few weeks ago: “She’s a lotharioand a cad, and the kind of boy you used to fall for in high school before youknew better.”

And then there was Jodi. The less I say about Jodi, probably the better. She’s irritated mefrom the start, and last night’s final f-you to Bette — which lost a lot of itsdramatic power with me when I started to realize that the accompanying music sounded like this (link contains NSFW language) — justgave me more reason to wish her good riddance already. We discussed her manicbehavior last week,and she was up to all the old tricks again this week. Firstshe walked away from the entire group when Bette dared to address her,and thenshe played nice, though for all I know that was just her way of gettingBette to finally stophovering and making puppy-dog eyes. Seriously, that was annoying. Isuppose I should have expected something insanely provocative from aJodi scorned, but beyond the fact that her big installation seemed tohave been throwntogether in record time, the whole thing was simply too over-the-top,unimaginative,and desperate to be taken seriously.

So here’s where we stand as The L Word heads toward its final season: Bette’s humiliated for awhile, which is fun since I alwayslike it when somebody pricks her bubble of pretension but not fun because now she’lljust be more of a Debbie Downer than usual.At least she’s back with Tina (YAY!). Alice is stuck in a holding pattern withTasha and flirting with that dippy Aussie girl who annoys me almost asviolently as Tattoo McGillicuddy over on American Idol. Helena is presumablyback, Shane just blasted a hole in her friendship with Jenny, Dawn Bimbo losther ongoing war with Kit, Les Girlsawaits its newly heterosexual, studio-ordained ending, and Max/Moira awaits theday when his so-called closest circle of friends engages him/her beyond “Hey,guys!”

What about you? What did you and your Lover Cindi thinkabout last night’s season finale?