'The L Word' recap: Realism not included!

Let’s start with the text message that greeted me when I got out of bed and turned on my cell phone this morning. The following arrived courtesy of a close friend and lesbian who winces her way through watches The L Word despite what she claims is her better judgment.

I’m gonna pretend I never saw that ending. It just insults my intelligence.

Look, she has a point. We all know The L Word takes place in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe, but last night, it seemed to enter The Twilight Zone. We can start with Shane. Feel free to correct me if you think I’m wrong, PopWatchers, but don’t you think Shane should have spent the hour, oh, maybe mourning her breakup with Paige and maybe, just maybe, dealing with the fallout from the destruction of her skate shop/hair salon? But that ain’t how Shane rolls. Instead, she shows up to do hair at a wedding (pictured), and half the women in the bridal party—including the bride herself, of course—either make out or have sex with her on the spot? Like I said: Neighborhood of Make-Believe. Not that I’m surprised. I knew we were in for this mess when Shane first entered the ladies’ lair, mostly because it appeared that she had walked into the opening scene from an Emmanuelle movie. If Shane ever decides to rebuild her gutted hair salon, here’s a free suggestion for its new name: Coif ‘N Boff.

Who’s loving Phyllis this season? I could do without the too-obviousU-Hauling jokes and Jane Lynch’s RichardLewis-by-way-of-Paula-Poundstone ensembles—not to mention the namesPhyllis and Joyce—but it’s nice to see Cybill Shepherd actually actingher age again. Phyllis was entirely too much last season, but I’mrooting for her now that Shepherd has toned down theembarrassing antics. Poor, clueless Phyllis fell in lust too quickly,and now she’s looking for a way out of Joyce’s death grip and back intothe dating scene that she’s never really explored. Seems fair to me.How long do you think these two will stick together?

I think Crazy Jenny may have finally met her match last night, andher name isAdele. That’s right: Adele. (What is it with the names on this show?)At first, I thought we were seeing the latest in Max/Moira’snever-ending lineup of mousy potential girlfriends, but once Adelestarted gushing about how Jenny saved her life and why yes, she wouldlove to lick her boots and grovel at her feet, I got to thinking: Yep, Eve Harrington.Which is great news for Crazy Jenny fans, because she needs a swiftkick in the rear from someone who can bring an equal amount of Crazy.And if Tina’s not going to provide it—does nobody else see the hugemissed opportunity for a Krystle/Alexis throwdown between these two?—then maybe Adele is our girl.

But let’s move along to the scene that I know you really want me totalk about: the prison shower. I…don’t really know where to go withit, to be honest. The apparent message seems to be that the onlyoverweight, scroungy, weathered lesbians in the Neighborhood ofMake-Believe exist inside the walls of its local prison—not, Godforbid, anywhere near The Planet. Truth be told, I kind of loved the entire sequence, it was clearly played for camp value, and it made me laugh out loud. It wasn’t the show’s crowning moment, but let’s be real: As with Shane and the horny wedding harem, you knew it was coming.

Funfacts: Helena and Dusty’s post-shower prison sex was not the first timethat sexual relations have taken place in a prison cell on The L Word.(Bette and a contractor took that prize a few seasons ago.) Also, Ijust did a little research on Lucia Rijker, the newcomer who playsDusty. I’ve since learned that Lucia is a four-time world championkickboxer (ow!) who has been dubbed “The Most Dangerous Woman in theWorld.” According to her official website,she is also an “honor graduated student of the University of livinglife.” No idea what any of that means, but since I am neither dangerousnor a graduate of any such university, I’ll be refraining from anysnarky comments about Dusty for the remainder of her tenure on theshow. It’s best that way.