'The L Word' recap: A hot and crazy season premiere!

They said this day would never come! They said there wouldn’t be another night of good scripted TV for months! And I think they spoke too soon, PopWatchers! Because last night was very good to TV buffs drowning in a sea of lame reality television. The highbrows got their Wire, the mainstream got one last visit with the Housewives, and I got the fifth-season premiere of The L Word. I think you can agree that on the evening of January 7, 2008, the winds of change were blowin’ through America’s living rooms, and everybody was a winner. Unless, of course, you voted for American Gladiators.

So? What did you think? Season 5 of The L Word is upon us, and thankfully our hot little hour is less frenzied than it’s been in years. Major props for chucking Angus and Papi (goodbye, friends—you will not be missed); major props for throwing Helena in prison and paying homage to costar Pam Grier’s 1971 grindhouse classic The Big Doll House. Me likey. Now all we need is the glorious return of Peggy Peabody, and I’m all set. Come back, Holland Taylor—your gays need you!

Whatdja think of Bette and Jodi’s big reunion? All I noticed wasthat Jodi still appears to have a giant stick in her ass. Do you thinkit’s permanently lodged there? I’m all for difficult artists (see: mydiscussion of Crazy Jenny’s complete disconnect from reality in thelast paragraph), but really, Jodi, Bette puts down a freakin’tablecloth and you react by pitching a fit, blindfolding her, andforcing her to have sightless sex?? Cranky! (Or hot, depending on howyou roll.) I’m not sure this affair is meant to last, anyway; thewriters are clearly setting up a (season-long?) tap dance between Betteand Tina, who appear to be rekindling, well, something this year. Icould have done without last night’s over-the-top preschool screeninginterview, by the way. Tell me they didn’t talk about how they “rotate”their “art collection” for little Angelica’s sake. (That poor kid mustbe sick of all things Baby Einstein.) I didn’t know people actually“rotated” their “art.” Is that common? Is that like when I “rotate” the“issues” in the “magazine holder” on the “floor” of my “apartment”?

Now, you know how I love Crazy Jenny, so let’s move on to the mostglaring question on my mind: How the L (har!) did she get back toshore? I mean, I’m sure any answer to that question would be totallyimplausible—yeah, yeah, I know we’re talking The L Word here—soI’ll let it slide and just bask in the glow of her ongoing crazy, whichreached typically asinine heights last night, especially when sheverbally bitch-slapped Tina, who was trying to offer some “stickynotes” about her newly revised screenplay of “Lez Girls.”Really, am I the only person who thinks Mia Kirshner should startshowing up on Hollywood’s WGA picket lines as Jenny herself? Somethingtells me bringing her particular brand of crazy to the bargaining tablecould actually help end this—uh-oh, here it comes…I can’t stopmyself…acccck!—lowly, loathsome, lollygagging strike.