This week in '98: Rating the top 10 singles

This week in ’98: Rating the top 10 singles

The top 10 singles from the Billboard Hot 100 for the week of July 25, 1998:

10. ”Say It,” Voices of Theory
I have literally no recollection of this song, and I can’t find it on iTunes, but my brilliant coworker Jason Adams turned to his BFF YouTube and pulled up the video ? which is totally freaking me out, because now I know for a fact that I’ve never heard this song before in my life. And I have heard all of the songs, kids. In fact, I have a hard time remembering my family’s birthdays, because I am too busy calling up every word to ”Heart of the Matter” or some crap. Anyway. According to Billboard.com, Voices of Theory was a ”Latin Boyz II Men,” and this was their only real hit, peaking at No. 10. Does it help if I say it’s basically ”On Bended Knee,” but sucky? C-

9. ”My All,” Mariah Carey
Confession time: I’ve never been the biggest Mariah Carey fan… but if I had to choose, this is the Mariah I’d want to hang with. She kept the vocal histrionics to a minimum on this ballad ? the one that broke Diana Ross’ record for most No. 1 hits by a female artist, FYI ? just grazing the surface of the accompanying Spanish-tinged guitar as she quietly, desperately begs her lover to come back. Even when she lets it out (”’Cause I can’t go oh-OH-oh-aw-ohn / Living in the memory of your song”), she reins it right back in. For a woman whose strong suit has rarely been self-control, this is a major accomplishment. B+

8. ”Ray of Light,” Madonna
Hot damn, do I ever love this song. Do you guys remember when it came out? Do you remember the first time you heard it, and the resulting shock that Madge could come up with anything this fresh and relevant and frickin’ great to dance to after the shmoopy nonsense of Bedtime Stories and tragic, tragic hubris of Evita? With its irresistable club beat and the sound of actual joy in the vocals, this is quite possibly my favorite of Ms. Ciccione’s many reinventions. A

7. ”Make It Hot,” Nicole Feat. Missy ”Misdemeanor” Elliott & Mocha
Ooh, neat, she can sing really low. Whatevs. I never really got this song. It’s too dark for summer, I’ll tell you that much: all in a minor key, no good for driving, and no good for dancing because it’s just kind of creepy. Now, to be fair, it’s way more interesting than I remember — there are some kind of hooky major-key harmonies laid over all the flats, and the constant sense that it’s building to something bigger. Too bad the build just leads us to a weird Missy rap break about smoking pot. Actually, the whole song feels kinda stoned, now that I think about it. B-

6. ”Too Close,” Next
Another group aspiring to be Boyz II Men; another generic slow jam — although at least this one has a little swing in its step, and a sort of seductive female backup track. Man, did we ever have gloopy music taste in the late ’90s. And while I shouldn’t punish this song for being of its time, I refuse to give a good grade to any song that contains any variant of the line ”Baby, you know what I wanna do.” Because I don’t. What? What is it that you want to do? I want a sandwich. Can we make a sandwich? C

5. ”Adia,” Sarah McLachlan
Looking back, 1998 was a big summer for S.Mac, with Surfacing onto its third single (after ”Building a Mystery” and ”Sweet Surrender”) and another song off that album, ”Angel,” crawling up the charts courtesy of the City of Angels soundtrack. This tune makes me happy, even though it’s sad. Don’t you just love that little flip her voice does when it goes from her mix to her head? Don’t you just love that there was a time when we all loved Sarah McLachlan? I know she’s sort of a laughingstock now, post-Lilith Fair, and many, many people will deny ever owning one of her albums, but you know you did. Bottom line: You do not want to be in a car with me when this sucker comes on, ’cause I’m singing. B+

4. ”Come With Me,” Puff Daddy featuring Jimmy Page
Oh, Lord. So this is another one that’s not for sale in the iTunes store but available on YouTube, and as much as I remembered the combination of Led Zeppelin’s ”Kashmir” and Puff Daddy’s ”rapping” to be interminable, the over-six-minute train wreck is even worse if you’re watching the video. Amid a ridiculous number of Puffy’s uh-huhs and yeahs, Page himself plays guitar, which somehow makes it sadder; I never liked ”Kashmir” much until I heard this version and realized how much worse it could have been. We have the Godzilla soundtrack to thank for this monstrosity (as well as the Wallflowers’ bland-erization of ”Heroes”), and my research shows that EW gave that movie a C+. I’m knocking a full grade point off that for the moment when Diddy explodes into a cloud of doves. D+

3. ”My Way,” Usher
Either I’m going crazy, or ”Say It,” ”Too Close,” and ”Make It Hot,” when played at the same time, actually result in this song. Not Usher’s best. C

2. ”You’re Still the One,” Shania Twain
Man, she feels like a woman, and somehow that makes it okay for her to pound us over the head with treacle like this. This song from country’s first crossover queen (before Faith Hill made her look like a Canadian hick) is all slick and shiny, but I don’t believe a word of it, especially not when the simplistic background singers kick in like a chorus of really optimistic robots. There’s just no soul here, no emotion, nothing but Lange-ian polish and the confidence that comes from knowing your deeply repetitive song is going to clog the wedding halls of America for the next two decades. Contrasting this karaoke special with Mariah’s ”My All,” for example, is a really bad idea. C-

1. ”The Boy Is Mine,” Brandy & Monica
I always wanted this song to pack a little more punch, didn’t you? Brandy and Monica, fighting over a man, with nothing but microphones and some reverb as weapons? Sadly, the two divas-in-training do little more than poke at each other with their nasally little voices, and I cry for what could have been. Like, imagine this sucker with, say, Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson on vocals, fighting over a girl. Now that would be something. B