Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet

1 Party of Five Charlie, the oldest sibling, gets cancer. It’s their ”upbeat” episode.

2 TV Sweeps Who needs a calendar? You know it’s November when networks start airing Hooters: A Hidden Camera Special.

3 Red Corner Richard Gere is tried for murder in China. Wouldn’t Johnnie Cochran travel?

4 A VH1 Fashion Award The thing weighs 11.4 pounds. It’s a life-size replica of Kate Moss.

5 Stephen King Anyone with $17 million can have his next book. The bad news is you’ll have to go to Bill Gates’ house to read it.

6 NYC Marathon 30,000 people running 26.2 miles. It’s either a race or a mall parking lot after Thanksgiving.

7 Riven The sequel to the maddening, best-selling computer game Myst. For people who enjoy feeling like a disgruntled postal worker.

8 Van Gogh’s Sunflowers An art expert says the famous work may be fake. The black velvet background gave it away.

9 Johnny Rotten The ex-Sex Pistol won a case in front of television’s Judge Judy. He threatened to perform if he lost.

10 Wayne Gretzky His wife is unconscious in the stands, and he continues to play hockey. To the surprise of absolutely no married women.

11 Quentin Tarantino He got into a fight with a producer at a restaurant. He thought the guy said ”Let’s do punch.”

12 The Spice Girls They’ve canceled a concert in Sweden. They don’t perform in countries where the audience looks better than they do.

13 Critical Care A film about hospital bungling. Is there a Medic Alert bracelet that says ”Please Don’t Kill Me”?

14 Grizzly Adams Mountain man Dan Haggerty is returning to movies. He’s spent the last few years vacuuming the dirt floor of his cabin.

15 The Great American Smokeout Most smokers resent being treated like children. And nothing says you’re a grown-up quite like lung cancer.