Stream It Or Skip It: ‘A Family Affair’ on Netflix, a Throwback-y Rom-Com Starring Nicole Kidman, Zac Efron and Joey King

The sorta-trad-ish throwback-y rom-com continues making a comeback with A Family Affair, the latest of far too damn many generically titled movies on Netflix. The question is whether the movie has the oomph to exceed the expectation set by those three bland-ass words – an expectation that’s fairly low, to be honest. And you’d think it wouldn’t be hard, considering the film features its share of charismatic headliners in Joey King, Nicole Kidman and Zac Efron. And please note which name I led with there, because this movie convinced me it’d be sucko without her.

A FAMILY AFFAIR: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

The Gist: Chris Cole (Efron) is a capital-M, capital-S Movie Star. His life as a paparazzi target, magazine coverboy and serial egotist stems from playing a superhero named Icarus in a blockbuster franchise. We meet him as he Dear Janes his latest girlfriend the way he does with all his girlfriends: sending them packing with a goodbye gift of diamond earrings, then mercilessly chewing out his personal assistant for not getting him the earrings fast enough. We’re not here for the girlfriend, but the assistant, mind you. Zara (King) was stuck in traffic and she doesn’t deserve the chastisement because it’s not her fault, obviously, but Chris isn’t a logical person. He’s a capital-M, capital-S Movie Star, remember. And the only reason Zara doesn’t tell him to piss up a flagpole and eat her shorts is a lingering promise that he’ll give her career a boost and make her an associate producer on one of his movies. E.g., the latest wretched Icarus chapter, which has something to do with the hero murdering terrorist elves in order to rescue Santa Claus.

Read into this a little bit: Zara is 24 and she still lives at home with her mother because, you know, why bother to have your own place when you’d never spend any time there anyway, since your Hollywood narcissist employer gets you out of bed late at night to fetch him protein powder at the grocery store? Granted, wherever he goes, he gets mobbed by fans and leeches, and you kind of feel for him when he sadly says he hasn’t been to a grocery store in a decade. Anyway, we need to get to Zara’s mom, Brooke (Kidman), a Pulitzer-winning writer who lives in a luscious seaside home full of books and lovely rugs, and who, the dialogue routinely points out, is in incredible shape and looks very young for her age – and considering this movie kinda spoofs movie stars and the movie biz, when you consider how often the script boosts Kidman’s ego like that, the meta-commentary pretzels itself up so tightly all the salt falls off. Anyway, it’s very clear that this movie is about your average normal people with insanely successful careers and impeccable houses and tons of money, and all of us obviously find that highly relatable.

But remember, the pains of the heart are universal and, as ever, apply to White people lounging around on massive investment portfolios. Brooke is 11 years a widow, and in a bit of a career rut. After yet another incident of Chris’ abusive employer syndrome, Zara tells him to take this job and shove it. He comes to his senses and drops by the house to talk her into taking the job back, but Zara’s not home and Brooke is home, and in incredibly great shape. Brooke and Chris have a little liquor and end up talking and kissing and doin’ it, which sets up a horribly awkward scene in which Zara comes home and walks in on them, you know, in medias res. Intercoursus interruptus. Zara chokes on a grape and slams her head on the door jamb. But hey, at least this gives Zara a bargaining chip: She’ll come back to work for Chris, but only if he never sees her mom again. Deal? Deal. And now is when I’d say Chris and Brooke forget all about their magical connection and move on with their lives of privilege and everyone’s just fine, but that would be a lie. No movie is like that, especially not one on Netflix with a lousy generic nonsense title like A Family Affair. 

What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: Didn’t Anne Hathaway find herself in a similar older-woman/younger-famous-guy/everyone-has-a-beefy-bank-account situation just a couple months ago with Nicholas Galitzine in The Idea of You?

Performance Worth Watching: As a card-carrying member of the Joey King fan club (registration no. 2383, dues paid with membership in good standing since Ramona and Beezus debuted back in July 2010), I appreciate the good sense she brings to this movie, bringing nuance to her slightly knotty character and only going big when she has to (and being a good sport about the dopey slapstick scene). She’s the superglue that holds A Family Affair together.

Memorable Dialogue: One of the more subtle running jokes in the movie finds Sherry Cola playing Zara’s friend Stella, a talented screenwriter who works walking dogs and organizing closets for rich people. And having exchanges like this, re: Chris Cole’s latest stupid-ass movie:

Stella: What’s the movie even about?

Zara: It’s Die Hard meets Miracle on 34th St.

Stella: So it’s not about anything.

Sex and Skin: Fairly brief glimpses of Efron and Kidman’s abs when she climbs on top of him and rips his shirt off. (Note, it’s not nearly as hot-under-the-collar-and-the-waistband as the sex scenes in The Idea of You.)

Our Take: A Family Affair adheres to many of the silly cliches of the rom-coms of 20 years ago, from the glossy look, silly script and breakups-and-make-ups to the extravagant living spaces in which the characters exist (although it stops short of being Nancy Meyers-style look-at-those-COUNTERTOPS! (and, gasp, the CUPBOARD SPACE!) kitchen porn). It functions as a pretty funny movie-biz satire, with a little bit of inside baseball that people who watch too many movies would get, although people who watch too many movies (and notably aren’t film critics, cough) probably don’t watch movies like this, because movies like this are aimed at people who watch one movie a week, on Netflix on a Friday night with a slice of pizza on their laps. And the movie’s ultimately for the latter audience, who’s more likely to enjoy a broad, matters-of-the-heart comedy than one dead-set on bullseyeing the illogic and dysfunction of Hollywood.

There’s an almost-fresh angle or two to this material, although there are a couple touches that are too cutesy for their own good, and the conclusion drags through an everyone-gets-an-earnest-speech section – movie productions like this don’t hire four stars like King, Kidman, Efron and Kathy Bates (playing the stereotypical wise grandmother role) without being contractually obligated to give them heartfelt, self-examination spiels that make everything All Right In The End. The key is in the cast’s ability to sell the borderline-hacky situations, and work through a bevy of montages and a Hallmarky peppermint bark-and-expensive-booze holiday-comedy sequence. The dialogue is pretty consistently funny, which helps, and everyone capably straddles the sincere and the snarky, especially Efron, whose sense of comic timing likely has never been better. 

The question is, how do we feel about all this? For a movie that jokes about high-concept superhero films with nothing to say, it seems weirdly unaware that it’s a high-concept rom-com with nothing to say beyond what we already know: Love pops up in the strangest places sometimes, especially if you’re in a slightly overwritten movie like A Family Affair. The snake eats its own tail here for sure.

Our Call: STREAM IT. A Family Affair can be formulaic and a touch sloppy, but it inspires just enough laughs to get it over the low bar of our expectations.

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan.