Stream It Or Skip It: ‘The Real Love Boat’ On CBS, A Dating Show With Lots Of Princess Cruises Product Placement

The Real Love Boat is a dating series that takes place on the Regal Princess and various ports of call around the Mediterranean. Real life married couple Jerry O’Connell and Rebecca Romijn host, and are joined by the ship’s captain, Paolo Arrigo, cruise director Matt Mitcham and bartender Ezra Freeman. What does this show have to do with the classic series The Love Boat? Well, it takes place on a Princess Cruises ship. Anything else is purely coincidental.

THE REAL LOVE BOAT: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

Opening Shot: On the massive Regal Princess, Jerry O’Connell is lying in a room watching an old episode of The Love Boat. That’s when his wife, Rebecca Romijn, comes in and reminds them that they’re on The Real Love Boat.

The Gist: Initially, five single men and five single women board the ship in Barcelona, meet each other and get to know each other for a bit. But Romijn and O’Connell explain the rules: In each port, there is a “Sail Away Ceremony”, where whichever group is in control — men and women alternate — will pick whichever person they want to pair up with. Whoever’s left is eliminated and is left at the port. The couple that makes it to the end gets $50,000 and a luxury Princess Cruises vacation (that’s different than the one they’re already on).

There are ways to win advantages when it comes to picking: In the first episode, an icebreaker where everyone introduces themselves leads to a vote for “Catch of the Day”, who gets to pick someone for an intimate date at the captain’s table as well as the first pick during the Sail Away Ceremony. Oh, and at every point of call, new singles will come on board to throw the selection process into chaos.

What Shows Will It Remind You Of? Bachelor In Paradise or Love Island, but on a cruise ship.

Our Take: Besides product placement and connection with Paramount-owned intellectual property, The Real Love Boat has very little to do with the 1977-87 series. Sure, Ted Lange shows up during a cocktail party dressed like Isaac, and it seemed like the 24-37 year old contestants recognized him, but the connections with The Love Boat are more than tenuous.

That would be okay if the show itself was stronger. But between the generic daters and the confusing game rules, the first episode was a slog to get through. There were a couple of contestants who stood out a little bit. Shea-Lynn seems to have her head securely screwed on and knows what she wants, as does Daniel. Brooke can click like a dolphin. Emily, all of 24, has been “looking for love for years”; considering we didn’t get married until we were almost 40, we rolled our eyes at that statement.

But there’s nothing about the dating activity itself, even the challenges that will be awaiting the couples at each port of call, that makes the show unique amongst the bevy of group dating shows already out there. Even the idea of throwing new singles into the mix every week isn’t new, and it makes little sense to do it during the first day of the contest, where no one really knows each other. Then the selections go purely on looks and physical chemistry, which is about as boring as it gets on a dating show.

Sex and Skin: Very little skin, and no sex… yet. Even if there is sex, it’ll all be shown on grainy hidden camera footage with everyone under the covers.

Parting Shot: The two men who aren’t picked — in the first episode, two last-minute newbies join the group to make things more difficult — wave goodbye to the ship from the port.

Sleeper Star: Did we mention that Brooke clicks like a dolphin?

Most Pilot-y Line: Captain Paolo, Matt and Ezra are there to be the show’s eyes and ears, talking to the daters and encouraging them to follow their instincts on a person. In on segment, Ezra encourages a dater to butt in on a “hot tub date” the woman he likes is having with someone else. The exchange sounded about as natural as the nighttime on-deck backdrops on The Love Boat back in the ’70s.

Our Call: SKIP IT. The Real Love Boat isn’t much more than Paramount squeezing 45-year-old IP for all its worth, and a long infomercial for Princess Cruises. If the singles were more interesting, it all might be worth it. But the first episode was boring and confusing, a deadly combo for a dating reality series.

Joel Keller (@joelkeller) writes about food, entertainment, parenting and tech, but he doesn’t kid himself: he’s a TV junkie. His writing has appeared in the New York Times, Slate, Salon, RollingStone.com, VanityFair.com, Fast Company and elsewhere.