Is ‘Locked Down’ a COVID Story Done Right?

When the trailer for Locked Down—a new Anne Hathaway and Chiwetel Ejiofor movie coming to HBO Max tomorrow—dropped, there was a sense that this wasn’t just another COVID story. Just when you thought it was going to be a lackluster Zoom-based comedy about a couple quarreling in quarantine, the trailer hit you with a masterful twist: a diamond heist. For those who saw Hathaway unhinged in Ocean’s 8, everything clicked into place. It wasn’t a regular quarantine movie, it was a cool quarantine movie, and the people were ready.

Unfortunately, they won’t get what they want from Locked Down, directed by Doug Liman (The Bourne Identity, Mr. and Mrs. Smith) and written by Steven Knight (Closed Circuit, Dirty Pretty Things). This is not the fun, antics-riddled pandemic heist movie that folks were hoping for. Instead, it is, more or less, just another COVID story, and one that doesn’t even consistently respect COVID protocols.

We meet Linda (Hathaway) and Paxton (Ejiofor) after they’ve broken up. Unfortunately, thanks to the government-mandated lockdown to curb the spread of the COVID-19 pandemic, they are stuck cohabitating for the foreseeable future. Professionally, things aren’t going great, either. Paxton has been furloughed from his job as a driver, while Linda is wrestling with accepting a promotion from an immoral corporation that forced her to lay off her entire team over Zoom. Sadly, we’ve got nearly 80 minutes of this to go before the idea of a diamond heist is even floated.

If you’re hoping that Locked Down is a COVID movie with an actual plot, don’t hold your breath. (That said, do hold your breath if you ever run into Hathaway or Ejiofor’s characters on the street; neither can seem to keep their mask over their noses.) We touch on Paxton’s history of drug abuse and violence, Linda’s affair with Paxton’s sister-in-law, and the couple’s past lives as wildcards. Much time is spent setting up random details to justify the circumstances for a heist, like Paxton’s fake ID, and why Linda’s corporate job might require her to do a jewelry store pick-up. Little to no time is spent on the heist tropes you know and love, like gathering accomplices, planning their entrance, or actually carrying out the deed.

There are some funny moments for supporting roles via Zoom. Dulé Hill, Ben Stiller, and Stephen Merchant all stand out as highlights. Ejiofor, who was nominated for an Oscar for his outstanding performance in 2013’s 12 Years a Slave, does his best with a loosely defined character and manages to deliver a fascinating take on Paxton, particularly when he’s at his most manic. If you love unhinged Hathway, you’ll certainly get what you want from her performance as a former-wild-child-turned-corporate-shill.

And one can imagine that COVID restrictions severely limited what Liman was able to do in production. More than once, you get the sense that the Zoom calls between actors were recorded separately, leaving them unable to play off of each other. But the real weakness in Locked Down as a COVID storyline is the way it fails to integrate the virus into a story we actually want to watch, something many shows and movies tackling the pandemic have suffered from, as Decider’s Kayla Cobb pointed out. Audiences don’t want to see characters being cavalier when it comes to safety protocols around this deadly virus, as Vulture writer Kathryn VanArendonk pointed out in her essay analyzing the haphazard use of masks on network TV. But viewers also want an escape, one that can only come when the current pandemic lockdown is part of the tapestry, not the main focus. The Locked Down trailer suggested that even if it didn’t totally hit the “using masks correctly” thing, at least it would be more heist movie than pandemic reminder. Unfortunately, the plot doesn’t deliver on either promise.

No doubt these are extenuating circumstances to be making film and TV under. Movies like the Michael Bay-produced Songbird have stumbled, according to reviews, by trying to capitalize on the current moment instead of telling a worthwhile story. Others, like the upcoming Malcolm & Marie starring Zendaya and John David Washington aim for a simpler approach, telling a story of a relationship falling apart, and time will tell how successful they are (the movie hits Netflix on February 5).

But the thing is, a few people have managed to pull off respecting COVID protocols, while still telling a fun story. The first season of Staged, the meta BBC comedy starring Michael Sheen and David Tennant as themselves, is now streaming on Hulu in the U.S. while the second season is currently airing in Britain, and it is delightful. The premise follows a young director (Simon Evans, also playing himself) desperately trying to carry rehearsing a play over Zoom, while managing the egos of his arrogant stars, Sheen and Tennant. The majority is filmed over Zoom, with some portions filmed by Sheen and Tennant themselves in their own homes, with special appearances by their wives. While there are some undertones of Locked Down‘s “going crazy in quarantine” theme, the main focus is making us laugh at how self-centered actors can be, buoyed by Sheen and Tennant’s easy chemistry, as first seen in Good Omens. It’s exactly what you want from a COVID show: light-hearted, fun, with no one violating mask-wearing etiquette.

All this is just to say: there have been COVID stories done right. Locked Down just isn’t one of them.

Watch Locked Down on HBO Max