Did The ‘Run’ Finale Also Devastate You On Multiple Levels?

It’s been some time since a show’s finale has made me sit up in bed and yell “What?!” even though I shouldn’t be surprised Run was the show to do this. The HBO series from creator Vicky Jones and executive producer (and guest star) Phoebe Waller-Bridge kept us on our toes (not to mention wanting more, in every way) for seven exciting half-hour episodes, but the way they left us in the finale was nothing short of devastating.

And that wasn’t the only devastating moment. This episode of television was packed with them. If you haven’t watched the show and are just curious about what left me in broken pieces of sadness, rage, and longing, you should know I’m about to reveal some spoilers. You should also know that these spoilers are even better if you watch the show yourself, and that, like life, this show was always going to be about the journey, especially taking it at all(!), and not the destination, so I still recommend taking this TV adventure for yourself. That said…

I am furious! Let’s break down the multiple moments of devastation present in this 24-minute episode of television.

Devastating in a beautiful way. 

We have to talk about Billy’s (Domhnall Gleeson) speech to Ruby (Merritt Wever) on the train. After the two have seemingly evaded the authorities after causing all kinds of problems when they were off the train for their cross country journey, namely being present for a death and not turning themselves in, they were overcome with the rush of freedom. For Billy, this meant a soul-baring monologue that people are sure to use to break up wedding days in the future.

It starts by him asking the questions he doesn’t want to know the answers to about Ruby’s husband Laurence (Rich Sommer), but has to ask: Is he funny? Is he kind? Is he gonna take you back?

Billy then morphs into the monologue that broke my heart in a good way, in a hopeful way, even, telling her, “I’m not stupid, Ruby. I know what you think of me. You think that I’m vain and full of shit and that I’m a liar — and I am. But I’m also fun and I love you to fucking pieces, so you took a break to be with me for a while. It was always just a break. The second I saw your photo of you and your family in that fucking phone man, I knew you wouldn’t choose me. I’ve known this whole trip that you’re going back to him once it ends. All I’ve been trying to do the last four days is make you like me enough that you miss me.”

And if you think that’s vulnerable, the next part is what really got me. “I want you to miss me every day for the rest of your fucking life,” Billy tells Ruby, with tears starting to form in his eyes. “I want you to think of me, want me, and love me even though you’re with him. And I need you to remember me well because you’re the love of my life. And I know you’re leaving me, again, for good, and I understand why, and you’re right.”

At this point, Ruby first calls him an “idiot” but then promises that when she returns to her husband she’s going to tell him that it’s over. And at this point I believed her because I wanted to and because that speech simply can’t exist for nothing to come of it.

Devastating in an unfortunate yet maybe repairable way?

But it’s not Billy that’s the real idiot, it’s us (me) if we think with more than three-quarters of an episode left to go that these two would find themselves walking away into an uncomplicated happy ending. Because before these two can be together, Ruby feels as though it’s her duty to get her eyes on Billy’s infamous Ted Talk, but instead watches the video of him pitching his book (of which she is an unwilling participant) and learns that their journey together has potentially been one big stupid lie.

This moment was just about as cringe as it gets, as he put on a huge, goofy grin thinking that his Ted Talk had any effect on her whatsoever, let alone such a moving impact that she had to excuse herself to the ladies’ room. It’s sad and pathetic and also earned on his part, and sure, an earth-shaking bummer on hers, but hey, these two can bounce back from this, which is clearly a misunderstanding…right?

It’s at this point I had to assess if maybe I, watching comfortably from home, was the ultimate idiot in this situation. Because it’s at this moment that I realized I was rooting for the charming Irish guy, despite his blatant lies, the disruption he’d caused in Ruby’s life, and his general messiness. I chose to believe that his previous speech was the truth and that the book pitch video wasn’t the real him. And that encouraging her to run away from her life, her family, and her responsibilities for him, an unreliable dude, was actually as romantic and exciting as it gets. But then the show got…

Devastating in every sense of the word…way. 

I refuse to believe that the entire show was only building to these last minutes of the season…but I couldn’t help but feel that way while watching it. After Ruby reunites with her husband and two sons, Billy tells her what I wanted to believe all along, saying, “I love you, okay? I know what you saw and it’s all bullshit. Everything I said on that train was true. I don’t just want you to miss me, I want you to choose me.” (Note: so if you were thinking of ruining someone’s wedding day with this speech, please make sure you’re aware of that last part.) He dares her to admit that she knows he loves her and after she stares at him for what feels like an eternity, she turns and walks away from him, towards her family, as the screen fades to black.

Again…what!?

I clicked back a minute to make sure I didn’t miss something, but nope. I didn’t. I immediately wished that the show decided to end Sopranos-style while Ruby was still looking up at Billy and then we as the audience were forced to make our own decision about who, and what life, she ultimately chose at that moment.

Did she really realize that she doesn’t want to, ahem, Run, again and was actually choosing to stay with her husband, after all that had just transpired? Or did she choose Laurence only to stick to her promise and tell him she was leaving him to be with Billy? And also: why do I need Ruby and Billy to be together so badly?

I don’t know if these two fictional characters would be good together — based on their weeklong journey that’s probably a no. But I do know I want to watch them together. Gleeson and Wever portrayed that once-in-a-lifetime energy so, so well. I don’t know if I have the guts or would’ve made all the same decisions Ruby did along the way and so it was thrilling to see her go through with so many of her choices, say fuck it to the things that weren’t leaving her feeling fulfilled or excited, and living a life far more adventurous than the one she previously found herself in. Well, right up until that moment of truth. Then it was hard not to wonder, what was all this for then? Was it not for the encouragement that sometimes it is totally worth it to take a risk to escape something boring in exchange for something nearly magical, albeit irresponsible as all hell? And even though Ruby stood up to her husband, clarifying that she’s not a baby, just as this show always does, I was still left wanting more.

It was hard not to compare the ending of Run with the ending of Fleabag. With Fleabag, even though she couldn’t be with the priest, there was still a melancholy feeling of hope hanging in the air over that fox, that the two would be okay, separately. That the journey, the adventure, the flirtation, the love, and the sex, no matter how brief, was all they needed at that moment.

With Ruby and Billy…I’m less sure those characters will be okay, especially in the long run. I’m less sure they only needed the adventure. I did, I wanted them to be one big irresponsible mess together. Ultimately this show not only felt like an escape, but was about an escape. To return to figurative captivity feels like a bummer, now more than ever. Maybe the minds behind Run are using this cliffhanger of an ending only to return with more answers and adventures in another season. But until that announcement comes, I’ll just try to let that glimmer of hope shine through my pile of feelings.

Where to stream Run