‘Vanderpump Rules’: Jax and Brittany’s Wedding Episode Was as Basic and Beautiful As They Are

In these strange and uncertain times, it is so utterly comforting to know that Jax (JASON) and Brittany’s wedding on Vanderpump Rules was just as basic and beautiful as they are. I know, I know, it’s taken a handful of episodes for us to get here, but don’t all of your most basic friends turn their wedding into a Coachella-style long weekend of lineups and festivities? The princess bridal shower, the pastor blowup, the bachelor/bachelorette boat excursions, and the Kentucky pre-parties have all led up to this, and you’re colder and deader than a goat cheese ball that’s rolled underneath the bar if this episode didn’t put an involuntary smile on your face.

The first thing this episode truly accomplished was highlighting the divide between the oldies and the newbies on this show, because the drama back in LA was so pointless and inconsequential, even for this group, that it had me missing Mamaw at every turn. Hearing about the difference between brunch cheating and dinner cheating was not nearly as riveting as finding out if Schwartz could locate the exact pocket where he placed the wedding rings.

This was also a milestone for ol’ Tom Schwartz, who has JUST learned the word “dawdling” which, in any other instance, would be way too on the nose, but is all too perfect here. Also perfect: Jax, excuse me, JASON, and Brittany both making Friends references in their vows and looking like they were the first people to ever think about using the “You’re my lobster” reference, but you know what? Let them! My god, that smile on Brittany’s face — has any human being ever, at any point throughout civilization, been as happy as this woman was on her wedding day? No wonder why Shep Rose couldn’t wait to whip out his phone and document the day — and his defense, A LOT of people in the crowd had their phones out.

So let’s get to the JASON in the room. For as shocking as it was to hear His Holiness Lance Bass (who was of course the perfect choice for the occasion) refer to Jax as JASON throughout, it was also a classy touch on behalf of the couple to use his government name. Though, if you were playing a drinking game that involved taking a shot each time you heard JASON, well, you probably don’t remember much of what happened after the ceremony.

Oh, just your typical wedding stuff: someone else worrying about their own hopefully-upcoming engagement (Stassi and Beau), exes fighting (Kristen and Carter), and a single bridesmaid picking out the tallest groomsman and making out without a care in the world (you already know it’s Scheana, and good for her). Oh, and the reception was followed by a Hooters-themed afterparty because of course it was! The infamous wings restaurant even got a shoutout in the vows and I don’t want it confirmed whether this was an absolutely genius example of product placement or not.

Which is what made this episode so special. This wedding was the most Jax and Brittany day anyone could’ve ever crafted. Brittany got the beautiful celebration she’d always dreamed of and deserved and Jax’s body was so aware of how much money he was “spending” on this day that it even spared him what seemed to be an inevitable hangover headed his way. And look, for a guy like Jax Taylor, a menace to society yet a blessing to reality TV, any opportunity that actually affords him to be rather introspective for a moment is a good thing, and he was plenty of that on this day.

Leave it to an episode of Vanderpump Rules to prove to me that even when shit seems bleaker than ever in the world, there is still optimism to be mined deep down within all of us. Watching this display of love had me out here thinking, you know what? Maybe, just maybe, these two crazy kids can make it work after all! Now, did that dim a smidge after watching the mid-season trailer at the end of the episode? Well, of course. It’s what the brilliant editors of this show wanted, and they got it.

But they also gave us so much more: the new bridesmaid mantra, “Flowers down, tits out,” calculating the cost of Schwartz’s neverending best man speech, and the groom still finding time on the busiest day of his life to compliment his wife’s titties. Plus, with the realization that Carter certainly could’ve been cut from the guest list, the revelation that is Lisa’s impressions of Jax and Brittany (move over James’ Katie impression!), and the magic of watching Tom Sandoval step into his role as Postmates groomsman, delivering everything from three tampons to 60 bottles of vodka (and still only earning a B- grade on his groomsmen abilities, at best!), well this wedding was like a Stefon sketch come to life, really, because this wedding had it all. That it ends with Jax stomping around like a human alarm clock to avoid any late fees because his friends didn’t get out of bed on time, well, it’s a happily ever after only Vanderpump Rules could deliver.

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