Bagel Bites are Finally Having a Moment

Ask any ’90s kid about the three most significant innovations of the decade and you’ll routinely receive the same response: The Counting Crows’ seminal debut album “August and Everything After,” the introduction of Sonic the Hedgehog’s plucky pal Tails, and Bagel Bites.

Oh, and a handful of people may substitute Tails for the proliferation of the internet. To each their own.

Inspired by God but created by culinary luminaries Stanley Garkzynski and Bob Mosher, Bagel Bites evolved into a ’90s snack staple by introducing one simple concept: If you combine pizza, an Italian dough-based delicacy generally enjoyed at dinnertime, with a bagel, a circular bread product most associated with satiating appetites between the hours of 5:30-11:45 a.m., you could, theoretically, eat pizza anytime.

Much like their older sibling Hot Pockets, Bagel Bites are known for the humbling combination of sizzling hot cheese on the outside and icy cold dough on the inside, a merciless mix that taught a generation of latchkey kids that sometimes in both life and snacking it’s best to embrace the cozy comforts of mediocrity. The lasting legacy of these microwavable morsels of technically edible heaven, however, will now and forever be the iconic Bagel Bites commercial jingle.

Pizza in the morning, pizza in the evenin’
Pizza at suppertime!
When pizza’s on a bagel
You can eat pizza anytime!

This melodic marvel of musical excellence was available in both a female country version and overly-aggressive divorced dad variety. While Bagel Bite references are no stranger to pop culture (The Office, Community, The Tonight Show, and Steven Universe among many others have all name dropped these snacks), two shows have semi-recently introduced a new generation of viewers to this classic jingle: Hulu’s PEN15 and NBC’s Superstore.

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confused b/c in y2k everyday is #nationalpizzaday <3 #PEN15show

A post shared by PEN15 I A Hulu Original (@pen15show) on Feb 11, 2019 at 3:40pm PST

The Recording Academy’s refusal to award Anna Konkle an honorary Grammy for her soulful rendition of the Bagel Bites song is an indictment of the staggering lack of decorum in this country. I’m not saying Konkle’s execution is necessarily better than Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper’s “Shallow;” I’m just saying the two performances are comparable.

If PEN15 was the only recent show to unlock the comedic potential of Bagel Bites — a snack that Wikipedia asserts has been awarded two Michelin stars, which if true is perhaps the best argument for nihilism I’ve ever read — I’d chalk it up to happenstance. But last night, Superstore also hopped aboard the ’90s nostalgia train during their cold open.

It’s official: Bagel Bites are finally having a pop culture moment, and honestly, it’s about damn time. Could Bagel Bites piercing the zeitgeist lead to a deluge of ’90s references on television? Maybe Tom Selleck’s character on Blue Bloods plays with a Skip-It? David on Schitt’s Creek is forced to care for a Tamagotchi? Perhaps Nadia finds a crate of Dunk-a-roos at an Alphabet City bodega on Russian Doll?

The possibilities, much like the probable shelf life of Bagel Bites, are endless.

Why exactly do we find ourselves in the midst of a Bagel Bites renaissance? Easy. It’s because Bagel Bites are beloved, an opinion I’m about to turn into fact with a little help from a folksy duo I like to call Ma and Pa USA. The snack currently possesses a 4.7/5 rating on Walmart’s website and 3.7/5 rating on Amazon.

You don’t receive praise like “addictive” with five exclamation points or “I eat these during lazy days” without making an incontrovertible impact on the way Americans consume breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner. Why all three? Because when pizza’s on a bagel you can eat pizza anytime.

Superstore and PEN15 are currently streaming on Hulu. Bagel Bites are probably available for purchase at your local market.

Where to stream Pen15