Debra Newell On The One Detail Missing From Bravo’s ‘Dirty John’

By Lea Palmieri @littleleap
Published Jan. 14, 2019, 1:00 p.m. ET

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Now that Bravo’s Dirty John series has come to an end (how about that finale, omg!), there’s still a lot to learn about the real life Debra Newell and this crazy, traumatic situation she’s been through. That’s why Oxygen’s coming through with Dirty John, the Dirty Truth, a documentary special airing tonight at 8pm that gives Debra and other experts a chance to share their side of the story, which can be admittedly a bit less glamorous than Connie Britton and her gorgeous hair.

When Decider sat down with Newell and renowned criminal behavioral analyst Laura Richards, we got even more insight into this experience — which is sadly more common than you’d think.

Newell described the entire process, including the original LA Times article and subsequent podcast, and then the Bravo series and Oxygen special as “surreal,” but ultimately said that “when you’re talking and trying to make a difference, there’s a healing process to all of it.”

And to think, Newell wasn’t so sure about the Bravo series at first. “I was a little apprehensive about doing it, because I felt some of the things on the podcast, in my eyes, were not portraying me or the situation correctly.”

“The show’s better,” she stated, but did point out the one specific thing she felt was missing from the series. “I still feel there was a lot of time [I was] investigating John that’s missed in it, I’ll be honest with you. There were some months of hiding that took place and a lot of looking into [him]. I had two lawyers, I had a private investigator on the case, and I had a forensic psychiatrist on the case.”

Which is why she was eager to participate in the Oxygen special. “That is where I wanted Laura to come in, to explain to people what John did. That was really a big deal to me. I think it was all the victims, or should I say survivors,  that were all speaking out about their experience. So I think it was more factual than the series.”

As Richards explained, “This was Debbie’s chance to really claim their narrative and to talk out about coercive control, and to ensure they educate other girls and women and professionals in the process.”

For fans of the Bravo series that might be unfamiliar with the term “coercive control,” Richards broke it down for us. “A lot of people think that it’s about threats and somebody being very overtly abusive. But coercive control is much more insidious, it’s this drip-drip-drip, under-the-skin behavior, and the romancing can be part of the campaign. So people are like, ‘He makes you smoothies, he takes your stuff to the dry cleaner, what’s the problem? He’s doing these incredible things, what are you complaining about?'” But as Richards went on to explain, those smoothies aren’t just a delicious morning treat, they were also a way for someone to “edge you out of your life by closing every aspect of it and giving you very little room to breathe and entrapping through isolation.”

And while Newell had to admit, “Those smoothies did look good on the show,” she didn’t actually get one of those every morning. “Every once in a while I’d get a protein drink when I was trying to lose weight, but no, he’d go to Starbucks every morning and get me Starbucks. So I was getting a drink, but it wasn’t a smoothie.”

But the reason why the drinks matter, and the way John really sold this con? Richards said, “People, I don’t think, really understood how busy [Debra is]. He was so good because that was his project, Debbie was his project: his work was her. She’s very successful at what she does work-wise. You have little time to do those little, thoughtful things to take care of yourself and here’s a guy who’s now enhancing her life and bringing to the table these incredible things that make Debbie operate at a much higher level. Of course the likability increases significantly in a very short time. It’s like an aphrodisiac, it’s like oxytocin, it’s hormonal. He was very good at that part of his campaign.”

“I deal with a lot of these cases, thousands and thousands,” Richards said, “And women rarely come forward because they feel ashamed and they feel that they’ll be blamed and they feel that they’ll be judged.” So before you go judging Newell and her experience, know that for her to come forward and share this with the world, is not only brave, but could be quite successful in helping many other women remove themselves from similar dangerous situations.

“It’s almost as if I’m reliving it, to some degree,” Newell shared about watching the show. “Eric did an incredible job. The daughters get the feistiness down, but there’s also another layer — or many, other layers, of my girls. My one daughter, the middle daughter, she happens to have a really sweet, nurturing side, also. I think they missed that.”

Though, as anyone would be, Newell was quite pleased with Britton’s portrayal of her story. “It was so cute how she really wanted to portray me the best way possible. She is down-to-earth, she’s just a very warm, loving, good person.”

And while having Connie Britton play you on a hit drama series is pretty cool, not all of the aftermath of the experience has been great for Newell. When asked if it’s been good for her business, she replied, “It did the opposite, to be honest with you. When the podcast came out, we lost a couple big builders. At this point, we rebranded, I sold the business to my daughter and daughter-in-law. In the meantime I’ve gone to Vegas and opened up a store and a design company there.” Luckily, she says this new life change has been “fun and more hands-on” for her. “When you’re running a business, you’re not getting to do the creative things. So I’m doing what I love right now.”

Which is perhaps the message Richards finds most important to get across to other women. “I always like victims to understand there is life after abuse. That’s what makes this story stand out, that actually Debbie did take all the measures necessary, took advice, very similar advice to what I would’ve given her, to keep her and her daughters safe.”

Dirty John, the Dirty Truth airs tonight at 8pm ET/PT on Oxygen. 

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