Fun
Frisky
Nostalgic
Intense
Adventurous
Choked Up
Curious
Romantic
Weird
In The Mule, Clint Eastwood smuggles cocaine through Illinois to make money for his family. On the day after Christmas, I smuggled screeners to Kentucky for my in-laws. Not all heroes wear capes… or talk to chairs.
This year, as my spouse and I packed for our annual ill-advised trip to Louisville —ill-advised because traveling with two kids is consistently awful and there’s a famous saying about insanity that I no longer remember because I’m sleep deprived— I made sure to stuff my carry-on with a carefully curated a batch of DVDs. Here’s what I landed on:
- Bohemian Rhapsody
- The Favourite
- Green Book
- Vice
- A Star Is Born
- Widows
- Destroyer
- The Mule
- The Sisters Brothers
Now, was it a little nerve-wracking kicking off my shoes and placing my WATERMARKED industry screeners onto black conveyer belt where they could potentially fall into the hands of a nefarious TSA Agent looking to make some money on the side during the #TrumpShutdown? A little. But, like Clint in The Mule, I was going to do whatever it took to make my family happy. So I forged on and, thankfully, no one got hurt.
Let’s get to the awards.
SCREENER OF THE WEEK: 'Green Book'
Wow! Green Book? Do you kids know about Green Book? The Golden Globe winning Best Musical slash Comedy Green Book? It’s not actually a musical or comedy, but it is the perfect movie to help baby boomers feel ‘woke!’
“He used to call black people eggplants but now he’s hugging one” might fall short of “feel good” status by today’s standards, but for many in the far-from-greatest-generation it’s both inspirational and (let’s face it) aspirational.
The screener experience was seamless — I think there was one “Do Not Duplicate” in the beginning and that was it. Full disclosure, I don’t really remember. I was watching this in Kentucky, a land where bourbon flows freely — everything’s kind of a blur. But I will say, at no point during the film did I think “we’re watching something that will win some awards.” I was just thinking if you’re an old Italian actor and you didn’t audition to hang out with Dice in A Star Is Born or Viggo in Green Book, fire your agent immediately. This was your year!
THE CO-SCREENER OF THE WEEK (PRESENTED BY GIMLET): 'Ben Is Back'
I probably would have skipped this screener, however I’m midway through season one of Homecoming (the podcast) where every episode is interrupted by a a glowing Ben Is Back review. My review? It’s fine.
I popped this screener in while my little one was taking a nap, and thought I’d be able to get the whole thing in before he woke. But with ten minutes left I heard his little footsteps ambling down the stairs and made the decision to flip the movie off before his innocent eyes absorbed images of Lucas Hedges shooting smack under a bridge. I knew right away I probably would never get around to watching the end, so I did the next best thing; flipped on an episode of Tiny Trucks for him, grabbed the screenplay the studio sent, and read the final ten pages.
It was fine.
SMOOTH MOVE OF THE WEEK: Not Watching 'Vice' With The In-Laws
I can’t wait to dig into Adam McKay’s Vice! That said, I realized it’s probably best to wait (even though I risked life and limb to smuggle precious studio property across the country). A Dick-centric story was bound to lead to the political conversations I was actively trying to avoid this holiday season. Beyond that, the OTHER talk I was trying to avoid with the in-laws was the “you need to turn the smooth-motion on your TV off, this is a major motion picture not a home movie from the ’90s” talk. Now that I’m back in my bubble, I’ll watch Vice this week at 24fps, just the way that Yahweh intended.
A.A. Smithee is a director for hire. So, you know, hire him/her/them. (But please wait until after he/she/they has finished all of his/her/their screeners. Thank you.)
