‘The Christmas Chronicles’ Represents the Apex of Kurt Russell’s Facial Hair

There are so many reasons to look forward to Netflix’s Thanksgiving-weekend release of The Christmas Chronicles. For one thing, as any great loyalist of the Thanksgiving Day parade knows, every good Thanksgiving celebration ends with Santa Claus ushering in the Christmas season. (For the purposes of this observation, we’re going to pretend that stores haven’t been stocked with Christmas displays and playing Christmas music since roughly late August.) So after a long day of football-watching, turkey eating, and figuring out a way to hide a plate full of a slice of every type of pie until I’m physically able to eat again, I’m going to fire up The Christmas Chronicles and watch a couple kids help an uncommonly energetic and gregarious Santa make his appointed rounds. And why? Because that Santa is being played by Kurt Russell.

Kurt Russell! As Santa Claus! I can’t believe it took us all until right now to figure that one out. Russell makes for a big of an unconventional Santa, sure. There’s a kind of gentle placidness to Santa, despite the big belly laughs he’s known for. Casting Ed Asner as Santa in Elf will probably stand the test of time for casting Santa appropriately, but Kurt Russell as Santa is going to be a whole hell of a lot of fun. Snake Plissken as Santa! Wyatt Earp as Santa! Captain Ron as Santa! You get the idea.

Kurt Russell stepping into the red suit and black boots of humanity’s favorite nighttime visitor is also a significant career moment for a performer who has been an integral part of American cinema for about 40 years now. I am of course talking about Kurt Russell’s facial hair. Kurt Russell’s facial hair stands follicle-to-follicle with any iconic Hollywood facial hair in this or any era. That includes Chaplin’s mustache, Leonardo DiCaprio’s signature goatee, and that time Ben Affleck won an Oscar for growing a really great beard.

Kurt Russell’s facial hair has been with us since the early ’80s and has taken many forms on screen. It’s been as versatile as a face full of hair has ever been in this business. That its career would culminate in getting the role of Santa’s beard, the most famous beard of all, is honestly only correct. What other face could have credibly held up such a snow-and-pepper visage with that much dignity and character. Just … behold:

They should’ve sent a poet. Instead of those two dumb kids in the movie. Honestly, it’s fine that they sent the kids. They’ve gotta learn what superb facial hair looks like sometime, even if they won’t be able to fully appreciate it.

Let’s take a moment, though, to honor the journey that Kurt Russell’s facial hair has taken throughout the years. All the joy and drama and exquisite high-tension.

Escape From New York (1981)

In 1981, it was only beginning, but even in its nascent form, that face full of perfectly sexy scruff was obviously bound for greatness. Look at the way it accents the eyepatch without ever pulling focus. It was confident enough to know that it was a supporting player in this go-round, but would have its moment in the spotlight soon enough. (Also shout out to the Captain Ron stubble, a bit longer and more haggard, for returning to the eyepatch so seamlessly, many years later.)

The Thing (1982)

The full beard in John Carpenter’s brilliant and still somehow underrated Antarctic horror movie is likely more functional than anything else. A full beard to keep the face warm during those frigid days and nights spent in paranoid terror that one of your fellow men is really a shape-shifting alien bent on killing everything in its path. But just behold that glorious fullness. There are parts of that beard where light cannot escape its density.

Tombstone (1993)

Lest you think that Kurt Russell’s facial hair couldn’t work well in an ensemble, the neo-Western Tombstone came along to disprove that theory. Russell’s perfect handlebar mustache stood side-by-side with no less formidable a ‘stache than Sam Elliott’s mustache and still maintained its screen presence. And still had enough juice to mentor the junior ‘stache of one Bill Paxton.

The Hateful Eight (2015)

Quentin Tarantino gets credit for helping to usher in the comeback arcs of many great actors, from John Travolta to Pam Grier to Daryl Hannah, but he doesn’t ever get much credit for helping bring Kurt Russell’s facial hair back from almost two decades of clean-shaven oblivion. The untamed spirit and undefined borders of whatever the hell is going on atop Kurt’s face in this movie is a perfect reflection of the dangerously untamed American western frontier.

Deepwater Horizon (2016)

This! This is just a master of his craft toying with his audience. This is a genius at work, breaking boundaries just because he can. This is Dylan going acoustic. This glorious, audacious, back-to-basics ‘stache.

Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2 (2017)

As if training for the marathon that would be the role of Santa’s beard, Kurt Russell’s facial hair took a spin on Ego in Guardians 2, a fully realized DILF beard that communicated a freedom of purpose and just a little bit of danger. There is danger in that silver thicket, Peter Quill. Be wary. This is a beard that knows what it’s doing, because it’s played by a performer of uncommon follicular intelligence. Kurt Russell’s facial hair has never been nominated for an Academy Award, a slight that pretty much invalidates that so-called prestigious trophy forever. Give that facial hair a lifetime achievement award, you cowards! Or you might just end up on Santa’s beard’s naughty list.

Stream The Christmas Chronicles on Netflix starting November 22