Stream It or Skip It: ‘Heathers’ on Paramount Network, a Modern Satire That’s Out-Of-Step with Today

Once upon a time, Heathers was a jewel in the new Paramount Network’s crown. But after being part of the new channel’s big marketing push, the show–a reboot of the 1988 black comedy of the same name with a flipped power dynamic–was shelved over its casual and campy depiction of high school violence. Now, almost eight months after it was supposed to debut, the show’s being burned off over a 5-night stretch. The question is, was all the drama justified?

HEATHERS: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

Opening Shot: We dolly in on a quaint but ritzy suburban house. It’s night, 8 years ago, and this sweet montage of idyllic domesticity is interrupted by a hot pink can of gasoline, a lit match, and a mom (a Shannen Doherty cameo) with a gun.

The Gist: An adaptation of the cult classic ’80s black comedy, Paramount’s Heathers has one crucial twist: this time around, it’s the marginalized kids doing the bullying. The Heathers, originally a group of prissy and pristine it girls, have been reimagined as a trio of queer, gender-disrupting cool kids who’ve taken on a fourth, the aggressively average Veronica Sawyer (Grace Victoria Cox). Melanie Field plays Heather Chandler, the leader of the clique and a vicious “social justice” warrior who’s weaponized her hundreds of thousands of Instagram followers to ruin the lives of the jocks that do anything she deems inappropriate. By her side are Brendan Scannel as Heather Duke, a gender-queer high schooler with a mastery of withering cut-downs, and Jasmine Mathews as Heather McNamara, the “black lesbian” member of the group who scandalously may be just black.

The pilot uses the premise of the movie as a springboard, showing us Veronica’s growing disillusionment with being part of the it crowd and her increasing, albeit confused, infatuation with a broody bad boy named J.D. (James Scully). Together, Veronica and J.D. plot to ruin Heather Chandler’s rep using their own brand of social justice, but their attempt turns deadly when the mean girl dies. They fake a suicide, and things only get more #dramatic from there.

It’s also impossible to view this reboot unless through the lens of aaaaaall the production woes. There’s a reason this series, initially at the forefront of the Paramount Network’s major launch, is being dumped in a marathon airing over one weekend almost 8 months after it was originally supposed to air. Turns out dropping a show about a whole lot of teen-on-teen violence when school shootings are a regular occurrence isn’t a good look. The mass shootings at Stoneman Douglas High School and Santa Fe High School in February and May pushed the show further and further back, ultimately leading to Paramount pulling it completely. Now an edited version, one reducing the amount of violence and gunplay throughout the season, is airing two episodes a night over the course of five nights.

Our Take: Where to even begin? I’ll start with what Heathers is trying to do, its intentions as eye-catching as the neon lighting throughout the pilot. It’s obvious that Heathers is satirizing some very real, very raw issues currently tearing apart the younger generations. The show turns social justice into a literal war, where the proponents of equality (the Heathers) do so in bad faith. They dunk on the ignorant not because they genuinely want to defend the defenseless (Heather Chandler venomously shouts over the 1/16th Native American kid she disingenuously claims she’s trying to stick up for). They’re doing it for the likes and for the internet fame, and they flash their badges of otherness, be it their body size or gender identity or race, to prove they’re better than the white, cis, straight kids who do stupid racist things. This is a lot to take in, but it is relevant in an era where real people’s lives are actually ruined because they made one bad tweet. The apology, if they tweet it and even if it’s sincere, is never as viral as the offense. There is something to be mined here.

But.

I think that mine is closed in this 2018, especially in October 2018 when the right is falsely claiming that the left is a mob insincerely arguing for women’s rights against sexual harassers, when the current administration is trying to literally erase trans people from existence, and when explosive packages are being delivered to seemingly every politician, celebrity, or news network that criticized the administration. This is the problem I have with Heathers: it feels like satire beamed in via Paramount from a different reality, one that I actually would rather live in TBH. In the world Heathers is satirizing, queer kids are accepted and the right isn’t engineering bots and enraging trolls to get liberals doxed and fired. If those two things are the reality, then what the new Heathers is saying works: maybe people do bully others under the righteous guise of “justice.” Then, if all that’s true, go for it. Satirize it. Call it out.

The problem is, that’s not true, not right now. For people immersed in day-to-day politics (A.K.A. Heathers‘ target audience), Heathers feels… kinda conservative. And to show just how much the news affects shows like Heathers, shows that are trying to say something big about the culture we live in for an audience that is plugged in to Twitter trends, I don’t even think I would have called Heathers conservative had I watched it back in March when it was originally scheduled. But just watch how Heather Chandler maliciously harasses the hot jock in the racist t-shirt. Maybe in March 2018 that comes across as provocative with a wink; in October 2018, it feels upsettingly close to how conservatives really vilified everyone rallying to Christine Blasey Ford’s side, arguing that the “liberal mob” was operating in bad faith just like Heather C.

Just to really highlight… all of this… it helps to know that the pilot was written before the last presidential election and it was filmed in November 2016. There is truth to the claim that this is being beamed in from another reality, one where Hillary Clinton was presumably the next president, one where a woman finally led the free world, one where trans rights weren’t under attack. Heathers would have still been a hot topic, for sure, but it wouldn’t have felt like defaming the marginalized–and asking us to sympathize with the hot white jocks?–when they’re already down. Timing is everything, and the timing is not right for Heathers.

Sex and Skin: There’s one oral sex scene in a parked car, but it gets interrupted when Veronica notices some series-changing drama on Instagram.

Parting Shot: In a major departure from the film, SPOILERS, it’s revealed that Heather Chandler isn’t dead. She jolts up in the final scene, day-old glass shards embedded in her face, only to discover that her edited-to-Insta-perfection “suicide video” has been liked 27 million times. She’s angry about being framed until she realizes that she’s finally famous.

Sleeper Star: As the Heathers with the most to do in the pilot, Brendan Scannell and Melanie Field chew scenery and spit out catchphrases with gleeful menace that’s fun to watch.

Most Pilot-y Line: Here’s broody J.D.’s nihilistic thesis, delivered to Veronica: “Take a look around, Ms. Sawyer. What do you see? An entire generation raised to love and accept ourselves no matter what, without ever realizing that sometimes a little self hatred is good for the soul.”

Our Call: Heathers has snappy dialogue and committed performances that should make it a must-watch for those of us that love camp, satire, and campy satire. All the ingredients are right, including the fantastic costume design (Heather Chandler’s intro look is up there with the best Drag Race werk room entrances) and cinematography. It’s a gorgeous show. All the ingredients are right, but this is a pop culture cake that was left in the oven too long and now it’s burnt. If you’re already stressed about all this [gestures towards the entire world], I have to say “skip it.”

Stream Heathers on the Paramount Network