‘Riverdale’ Named a Character Benjamin Button and It Broke My Brain

My coworker Josh Sorokach often reacts to the names on Riverdale with a mix of a wince and a disbelieving stare. From gang members named Sweet Pea, to the daughter of a cult leader named Evelyn Evernever, I get it. They’re a little weird. Sorry, not everyone can be named “Josh,” Josh! But last night’s (October 17) episode “Chapter Thirty-Seven: Fortune And Men’s Eyes” named a character Benjamin Button and I think it broke my brain.

To give you a little background (and spoilers for the show past this point), last week’s episode brought Ben (Moses Thiessen), a weirdo who has lurked in the background of Riverdale for the past few seasons, to the forefront. He was (we’ll get to the past tense in a second) friends with Dilton Doiley (Major Curda), playing a mysterious Dungeons & Dragons-esque game called Gryphons & Gargoyles. At the end of the premiere, Dilton and Ben were lying prone on the ground in the woods half-naked, markings carved on their backs, green foam gurgling from Ben’s mouth. All of this was in front of an enormous bone and stick sculpture, a shrine to the mysterious Gargoyle King.

Pretty cool so far. Super cool.

This week, we found out that Dilton died, and Ben was in the hospital. Eager to find out more about the cultish murders, Jughead (Cole Sprouse) and Betty (Lili Reinhart) went to visit him, only to find him in a comatose state, his mother by his side.

“Mrs. Button?” Jughead said, and that’s the point where I literally turned into the human equivalent of the blinky guy GIF.

At first, and second, and also through most of the episode I thought I had misheard Juggie. But nope, later on his Dad, FP Jones (Skeet Ulrich), called the kid “Ben Button.” His name is Benjamin Button. They named a character Benjamin Button.

I’m just repeating it because I still can’t believe it happened.

And it might seem like a ridiculous detail to focus on, what with multiple deaths in the episode, a meat monster on the loose, and Archie (KJ Apa) about to join a secret prison fight club. But nope, this was the thing that broke me.

The reason I’ve been fine with the naming structure on Riverdale is that it is part and parcel with the comics the show is ostensibly based on. Reading them from when I was a kid inured me to calling people Jughead, or Weatherbee, or even new characters like Sweet Pea. Having a gangster called Papa Poutine was A LOT, but again, it seems in-world. Same with Evelyn Evernever, an obscure character from the comics. And alliteration comes with the comics territory, from Peter Parker to Lois Lane.

Benjamin Button is a character from a David Fincher movie played by Brad Pitt. Mind you, one based on a 1922 F. Scott Fitzgerald short story, but let’s be real, the show that referenced “Mad World” as “that Donnie Darko song” isn’t referring to Mr. Great Gatsby.

Not only that, but BB is a weird character, one mostly played by Pitt in CGI as he ages backwards from an old baby to a baby old man. As far as I can tell, the Ben Button on Riverdale… Does not do that.

And in fact, he doesn’t do much of anything: at the end of the episode he throws himself out the hospital window so he can “be with Dilton.” Which means dead. They essentially introduced and killed a character named Benjamin Button in one episode, which is insane even for a show that also ended with Veronica (Camila Mendes) dressing up in a clearly fake wig as a “clever” disguise to avoid her father.

Moses Thiessen, who plays Benjamin [checks notes] …Button… Does a fine job with what he’s given. You probably recognize him from earlier episodes where he was serving hot dogs at the drive-in, or when he was the last person to see child molester/music teacher Mrs. Grundy alive before she was killed by The Black Hood. Other than scant appearances on Riverdale, he only showed up in real life in a blink and you miss it role on the pilot of Chesapeake Shores. Hopefully he’ll float his way on to other roles after this.

Look, I get that the show is obsessed with David Fincher movies. Season 2 was heavily influenced by Zodiac. There might even be a Fight Club type thing going on with The Gargoyle King, a dissociative personality that allows someone to dress as a bone creature and then promptly forget about it. But Benjamin Button??? That just feels like a step too far.

Anyway, really looking forward to next week when we meet Archie’s sparring partner, Tyler Durden.

Riverdale airs Wednesdays at 8/7c.

Where to stream Riverdale

Where to stream The Curious Case of Benjamin Button