Fun
Frisky
Nostalgic
Intense
Adventurous
Choked Up
Curious
Romantic
Weird
I have pretended to understand “inconceivable!” and Inigo Montoya references since I was about ten years old. There’s no particular reason that I’ve never seen The Princess Bride – it’s just something I inadvertently missed during my years of formative pop culture consumption. My parents were bigger fans of courtroom dramas and action classics; they didn’t think to indulge in a fantasy film for our Friday night family movie. Why get romantic when you could watch Ed Norton square off with Richard Gere in Primal Fear? (Nowadays, I’m partial to both kinds of movies, but I think my folks were more likely to reach for Jerry Maguire than The Princess Bride when it came to romances – they couldn’t get too carried away with fantasy).
Thirty years after the film’s release, I decided to finally find the the time to sit down and watch The Princess Bride and finally catch up with all the pop culture references that have gone over my head since my infancy.
So what’s the deal with The Princess Bride? Here’s what I know going in. My queen Robin Wright has long, flowing blonde hair and is probably the object of someone’s affection. There are some serious mustaches in this movie, some sword fights, and from all the Inigo Montoya lines I’ve heard quoted, some revenge. I’m assuming there’s a happily-ever-after situation here, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself. EVERYONE loves this movie. Parents, kids, critics, film buffs. So here we go.
As you wish, here’s a play-by-play of my first viewing experience of The Princess Bride.
The first clue here that pretty much gives away that I’m going to love this movie is the “directed by Rob Reiner” credit. Who KNEW?! I’m ready for this.
The film opens with an adorable little boy playing a baseball video game in a very 80s room. I am confused. I thought this was a fantasy film? I’ll be quiet. Maybe this is a clever framing device.
This kid really doesn’t want his grandpa to come over and keep him company while sick, which seems super unappreciative ESPECIALLY given his grandpa’s knack for dressing well and making an entrance.
I was right about that framing device. (And it is an admittedly adorable one). Mother of GOD, Robin Wright is beautiful. Who else can work that kind of a middle part?! Even with her goofy English accent, she’s still perf. PLUS, she’s really good at mean flirting. My kinda gal.
Oh, SWEET JESUS, who is this and how does everyone not want to have his babies?! How did I wait this long to watch a movie with a floppy-haired, blue-eyed love interest?! SOS.
Awwww yeah! Love a good sunset kiss.
This kid (WHO I JUST REALIZED IS BABY FRED SAVAGE?!) is NOT here for any “kissing books”, Grandpa. Get to the action already.
Alright, I may not have seen this movie, but I know enough to be 100% certain that Westley is not really dead and Buttercup is NOT going to be down with marrying this royal dork.
I have SO many questions.
A few things: I now get the “inconceivable” references, and yeah, fair. I also feel much better about my lisp. And I recently watched The Incredibles again and can tell you that the character this guy voices is basically the same as this one except he works for an insurance company.
THIS IS NOT A DRILL. I JUST REALIZED THIS IS MANDY PATINKIN AND HE IS 200% A BABE. (Though I am admittedly still a Westley gal). ALSO, HE “DOES NOT SWIM”.
This canNOT be comfortable for anyone involved. Homegirl was almost just eel dinner. Can she catch a little break?
Talk about the greatest fencing match/gymnastics competition of all-time. I also desperately need these two to be best friends.
Now that “inconceivable” guy smarted himself to death and everyone else is out of the way, our two lovers can finally reunite. Girl, I know that mustache may throw things off, but CAN’T YOU SEE HIS “EYES LIKE THE SEA” THROUGH HIS MASK?
I cannot, in good conscience, condone this tiny ponytail, but I CAN endorse a passionate reunion between two very hot blonde people.
Apparently, the ground just spits fire and giant rats now. I’m not here for this.
It’s the SIX-FINGERED MURDERER OF INIGO MONTOYA’S FATHER! AND HE’S ABOUT TO IMPRISON OUR BELOVED WESTLEY. I hate this guy.
Hold UP. He’s going to murder Buttercup on their wedding night to start a WAR?! Well, we have one thing in common. I am going to murder whoever thought that hair was a good idea.
Oh, praise BE. Some hope in the darkness. Inigo pulls a serious Tyrion Lannister here and gets some help from his big friend sobering up. This team-up and search for Westley is my DREAM.
0/10 would not want to die this way. (WESTLEY CAN’T BE DEAD THOUGH, RIGHT? ESPECIALLY NOT AT THE HANDS OF PRINCE FANCY HAIR).
It took me all of five seconds before I shrieked “IS THAT BILLY CRYSTAL?!” at the screen. Yes. His finest work. Plus, he brings Westley back to life, so we all owe him a LOT.
BACK IN (PARTIALLY PARALYZED) business, baby!
Sacha Baron Cohen will play the “mawwiage” guy in the inevitable remake of this movie.
HOW YOU GONNA DO INIGO MONTOYA LIKE THAT?!
I, too, would immediately lose all suicidal thoughts if I turned to find THIS waiting on my bed.
That’s RIGHT. Prepare to DIE.
Just two hotties sitting in a window sill inconceivably still alive after taking what seemed to be some pretty mortal blows. I’m not complaining, though. LOOK AT THEM BOTH.
I KNEW I’D GET MY HAPPY ENDING. NOW WHERE IS THEIR LITTER OF GENETICALLY FLAWLESS CHILDREN WITH GOLDEN HAIR, DRAMATIC BONE STRUCTURE, AND TINY PORES?
Also, of COURSE baby Fred Savage came around and wants to hear the story again. This is a tale for the ages. His grandpa loves him but is also probably like, “shit, I should have just gotten him the audiobook.”
The verdict? I have no idea how it took me so long to watch this magical movie. It’s full of heart, charming, and hilarious – even more so thanks to the fact that they play so many of the scenes so straight. I have emerged from my first viewing of The Princess Bride a changed woman who will spend her life searching for a clone of Cary Elwes (who I also just realized plays the asshole in Twister) and wishing she had Robin Wright’s face (though this is not a particularly new revelation).
