So THAT Happened: A Bunch of Adults Let Two Teens Fight To The Death In ‘Karate Kid 2’

My first pop culture memory is watching The Karate Kid. Actually, it’s my first positive pop culture memory. My first overall PCM is being petrified of the music video for A-ha’s “Take On Me.” Norwegian synthpop and comic books coming to life? No. Hard pass. Thanks for the years of night terrors, NORWAY.

My very normal and not at all weird fear of A-ha aside, The Karate Kid is a seminal coming-of-age classic. Daniel LaRusso’s inspirational tale of finding time to master karate while being forced to increase Mr. Miyagi’s property value through countless hours of free labor is a motivating underdog story of triumphant. LaRusso crane-kicking future petty crime enthusiast and probable Marlboro cigarettes devotee Johnny Lawrence in the face is etched into the iconography of ’80s cinema. The Karate Kid is a beacon of inspiration for every scrappy underdog who dares to dream the impossible dream of overcoming insurmountable obstacles.

And then there’s Karate Kid 2, which is currently streaming on Hulu.

Personally, I think KK2 is better than its 43% Rotten Tomatoes score would suggest. I am a man who would fight for this film’s honor… of being called a slightly above average ’80s movie. Riding high off his upset victory at the Under-18 All-Valley Karate Tournament, Daniel travels to Okinawa with Mr. Miyagi, who must return home due to his father’s impending death. Miyagi explains to Daniel that the one board he couldn’t karate chop his way through was the impenetrable board of love (more or less) and that his former best friend (Sato) wants to fight him to the death because Miyagi tried to marry his fiancé, which, honestly, is kind of a dick move.

When Miyagi arrives in Okinawa, Sato continues to prattle on about fighting to the death, but Mr. Miyagi is like, “Dude, you gotta get over it.” The two eventually reconcile by talking it out like two rationale adults.

Just kidding! Per IMDB:

Chozen stumbles out of the rubble and tells Miyagi and Daniel that his uncle is dead, but Sato can be seen lying in the rubble, his chest pinned by a large timber. Daniel and Miyagi try to remove the timber, but it is too heavy, so Miyagi breaks it with a karate chop.

This is a phenomenal way to end a life-long spat. But when one blood feud ends another begins, such is the circle of karate life.

Sato’s nephew Chozen hates Daniel pretty much from the get-go. He believes LaRusso has insulted his honor, and honor, as Mr. Miyagi tells his protégé/free labor meal ticket, is very serious business in Okinawa. Five minutes after ending his 50-year squabble with Mr. Miyagi, Sato tells his teenage nephew that he’s dead to him because he wouldn’t risk his life to save a child during a hazardous storm, proving that Sato really needs to invest some time in finding a little thing I like to call a hobby.

Chozen decides to extract his revenge on Daniel during the village’s O-bon festival. Zip lining into the festival like he’s about to main event WrestleMania, Chozen takes Daniel’s quasi-girlfriend Kumiko hostage by holding a knife to her throat. Yes, Chozen is a straight-up sociopath, but you can’t deny that the dude knows how to make a charismatic entrance.

Making a strong case for nurture over nature, Chozen challenges Daniel to a fight to the death, which I guess happens on the reg in Okinawa because everyone in attendance is very blasé about the whole thing. They should have at least cut to one guy nudging his wife and being like, “Wow. This is really something, huh?”

Daniel: I’m sorry.
Chozen: Apologies won’t give me back my honor.
Daniel: Umm… neither will murdering an innocent young lady.
Chozen: In their eyes it will.

Out of the hundreds of adults in attendance, nobody refutes Chozen’s last point. Fair enough. Fight to the death it is! Honor, baby! Honor.

Before Mr. Miyagi allows Daniel to march towards an almost certain death, he provides him with some of that patented Miyagi wisdom he’s been known to impart on teens he doesn’t feel like paying to perform random chores:

“Daniel-son, this not tournament; this for real.”

Yeah, obviously, Miyagi. Not your best pep talk.

Daniel crosses an admittedly adorable little bridge as Chozen releases Kumiko and relinquishes his knife, which leaves the denizens of Okinawa with two options:

1. Allow these two teenagers to fight to the death. TO. THE. DEATH.
2. Simply hop over the tiny puddle of water and put an end to this nonsense.

The hundreds of adults in attendance choose the first option, because, I don’t know, maybe the stage direction in the script said “Nobody act like an actual human being in this scene”? It’s not a moat filled with ravenous alligators, people! It’s ankle-deep water I’d characterize as, at worst, a minor nuisance.

Giving absolutely zero Fs that LaRusso is a flippin’ West Coast karate champion, Chozen begins to pulverize him. Remembering that he’s the best around and that he probably shouldn’t let anyone try to keep him down, LaRusso goes deep into his bag of tricks and attempts to crane-kick some manners into Chozen’s skull. Mr. Miyagi, half paying attention as he contemplates how he’s going to explain Daniel’s EASILY AVOIDABLE MURDER to his mother, nods as if to say, “Does this mean I have to hire professional painters now?”

That tomfoolery may have worked on Johnny “current inmate number A4815-1623 in the San Fernando Valley prison system” Lawrence, but not on Chozen, and he easily deflects Daniel’s unnecessarily complicated instrument of teenage karate tournament destruction.

Let’s pause to acknowledge a couple dozen people who actively choose to just wait and see how this whole “fight to the death” sitch plays itself out.

As the battle rages on, Chozen misses with a flying kick that literally splinters a granite statuette. You might be thinking, “Hey, no, because, you know, physics and common sense,” but earlier in the film Daniel karate chopped his way through six blocks of ice because he “focused.” Consistency, even in its silliest form, is still appreciated. At one point, Mr. Miyagi shouts some helpful “how to avoid death” advice for Daniel, but ultimately decides to not interfere on behalf of his best friend who selflessly spent his college tuition on a plane ticket to accompany him on this trip.

Growing tired of watching two teens fight to the death, the crowd decides to hurry things along so they can get to the juice and snacks portion of the evening. They begin twisting little handheld drums as if to say, “We’re here for you Daniel… emotionally. Physically? Not so much.” For reasons unknown, this act of bare minimum support inspires Daniel, and he throws a cavalcade of awkward… punches (I guess?) that brings Chozen to his knees.

*** Update from 2020: After rewatching the entire franchise, I now understand that Daniel was using the “Drum Technique” taught to him by Mr. Miyagi.***

Daniel asks Chozen a simple question: “Live or die, man?” The ‘man’ part of his inquiry seems a bit informal for a fight to the death, but Daniel is a pretty folksy dude, so it tracks. Chozen, a stone-cold idiot, chooses death. Daniel says wrong and honks his adversary’s nose, which, honestly, is probably worse than death for Chozen, who has a 24/7 boner for honor. Everyone cheers as Daniel somehow restrains himself from giving the finger to each and every person at the event. He hugs Kumiko and glances towards Mr. Miyagi as if to say, “WTF, man? Why didn’t you help me?”

Miyagi responds with a smug smirk that says, “Looks like I don’t have to hire a new landscaper.”

Take us home, Peter Cetera.

Where to stream The Karate Kid 2