The Mourning After Page 54 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
My Son Is Also Named Dort: The Game 7 That Wouldn't End Because Refs Ref It Up
It was another primetime night for the NBA in Orlando, and generally their worst nightmare is when the refs hijack such an occasion. NBA refs can never decide if they want to be the show or not, and the indecision tends to just make it worse (credit the other sports arbiters for knowing exactly what...
Rays Manager Reminds Yankees He has Guys Who Throw Hard, Too
A shortened baseball season isn’t weird enough to keep some traditions from continuing. The Pirates suck, the Dodgers are Skynet, and Aroldis Chapman is a cowardly asshat. Tonight he thought it’d be fun to fire a 101 MPH fastball directly at Michael Brosseau’s head, which came a millimeter or two fr...
Russell Westbrook Finally Gives Thunder Fans A Moment To Remember
The Bubble Domes continued at pace last night, and perhaps the story was OKC forcing a Game 7 against the Rockets in their first-round series. Or rather, the story within the story. ...
Some Baseball Teams are Trying To Act Like it’s a Real Season
It’s kind of perfect that on the weekend when so many teams had doubleheaders due to canceled games on account of a killer pandemic, the league is trying to trudge through while pretending “just going to their happy place” is an actual medical prescription, and when the A’s became the latest team to...
Mets’ Poignant Moment on Field was Pure Mets Off it
The Mets and Marlins did not play on Thursday night, instead taking the field, removing their hats, having a collective moment of silence — 42 seconds to honor Jackie Robinson — and leaving a Black Lives Matter shirt on home plate as they headed back to their clubhouses in Queens....
Rest Assured, These Guys Are Still Complete & Utter Jerks
Oh, hey, just in case you were wondering…...
No Fans to Celebrate Giolito No-No is SO On-Brand for 2020
What happens if there’s a no-hitter and nobody’s there to cheer it?...
Herschel Shills for Charlatan; The OSU Unranked! Mamba Remembered
The Atlanta Hawks’ website has a video titled “ELDRIDGE RECASNER HIGHLIGHTS,” whose description is: “Watch some of Eldridge Recasner’s best moments with the Atlanta Hawks.”...
This Year's Indy 500 Could Have Been Great
The Indianapolis 500 was Sunday, something that would have gone completely without notice if not for the fact that digital channel guides exist, such is the state of IndyCar in general these days, and such is the state of the world because the pandemic knocked the race out of its traditional spot on...
Gross, Stupid & Sexist: Latest Bile Proves Time to Ice Milbury From NHL Was Ages Ago (UPDATED)
The NHL Bubble continued, with two more teams biting the dust in the form of the Washington Capitals and Calgary Flames. But that’s not the main story emerging from it, because this is hockey with hockey people and if you keep hockey people on TV long enough, they’ll vomit up some kind of vile, fu...
The Padres Slam Rangers Again and It is Glorious
This might just become a daily Padres appreciation moment. It’s not our fault. Sometimes what will be will be and you can’t run from what has to be. The Padres decided it would be fun to hit a grand slam off the Rangers for a third straight game, but to turn it from just a pint of ice cream into a s...
Fernando Tatis is Defecating on Baseball’s ‘Unwritten Rules’ and it’s Spectacular
The custom of baseball, after some manager bitches about unwritten rules that he very well may have made up, is that everyone wants the whole conflict to go away as quickly as possible. You’ll hear some pregame quotes about going overboard or respecting the opponent or some other boilerplate horsesh...
Luka Dončić Learns About the Playoffs the Hard Way
The NBA finally got past the opening act, and now that everybody got a beer, went to the bathroom one last time, and the house-lights have gone down, the real show has begun. The actual playoffs started yesterday, and they were a small lesson in glorious defeat. That’s kind of what the playoffs are,...
We Can Usually Count on Ohio State to Produce Top-Tier Oblivious Athletes
If you ever need to find someone who doesn’t get it, you can generally consult Ohio State to come up with a candidate for you. That’s what we have currently with quarterback Justin Fields starting a petition, which currently has 200,000 signatures, to get the Big Ten to reverse its decision to not p...
It's Gone With the Wins for the Suns, Who are All of Us Right Now
There’s probably a harsh life lesson in going unbeaten in a rearranged season and becoming one of the biggest stories in the NBA and still not even making the play-in round. This is the Phoenix Suns’ lot in life at the moment. Sometimes you can do everything perfectly and it still won’t matter and o...
Dallas Becomes the Nexus of All Our Problems
On the same day that Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said that the Cowboys will play in front of their fans when the NFL season kicks off, it must turn his incredibly stretched skin red and close to rupture to know that another team in Dallas was the first to play in front of fans last night....
Hockey Playoffs Off to Excruciating 5-OT Start, Damien Lillard Joins Wilt in Rarefied Air
The official NHL Playoffs got started yesterday afternoon, and apparently won’t ever stop. For the first time in history, one NHL Playoff game had to be bumped to the next day because another NHL Playoff game squatted on the ice for just over six hours, the kind of thing you do before David Blaine t...
Death, Taxes & MLB Players Being Stupid
It was yet another banner day for MLB, which seems to be having them one after another. They’ve sat next to the cooler at the casino, by choice, except that they’ll still walk out of the casino with most of their chips. After all, it’s not their chips they’re playing with. And if the players continu...
Why Can’t the Astros Quietly Endure Their Shame?
The Houston Astros, instead of being content to take its shaming and move on, have decided to stick with their furious campaign to be the boil on the ass of baseball. Both they and the Oakland A’s are staring down the barrel of some pretty serious suspensions after a benches-clearing brawl yesterday...
The Mourning After: Gruden Gonna Gruden, MLS Gonna MLS & MLB Gonna Step on More Rakes
We’ll start with the truly weird, or at least it would be if it weren’t the world of football coaches. We should have guessed that some coach would have taken the situation in the world and used it to perform some sort of deluded, self-designed Rorschach test on their own team. Which is exactly what...