When I was 8, I learned that families weren’t supposed to eat in front of the TV. “Meal times are for talking to each other, not for staring at that box,” said Jenni-Lynn’s mom, who babysat for me when my parents worked late. I had asked if I could watch “Mork and Mindy” while eating my plate of Sloppy Joes.

八歲那年，我了解到一家人不應該邊看電視邊吃飯。在我父母工作到很晚的時候，詹妮-林恩(Jenni-Lynn)的媽媽負責照看我，她說：「進餐時間是用來互相交談的，而不是用來盯著那個盒子。」此前我請求一邊吃「邋遢喬」三明治一邊看《默克與明蒂》(Mork and Mindy)。

“That’s not how we do things here,” she said. My cheeks burned as I caught the exasperated look she exchanged with her husband before she sat me down at their long wooden table.

「我們家不是這樣的，」她說。安排我在他們的長長的木餐桌前坐下前，看到她和她丈夫交換了驚訝的表情，我感到臉頰發燙。

But that was how we did things in my home. My parents, Chinese immigrants who moved to San Francisco in the 1970s, communicated to us that it was dinner time by blasting the “Family Feud” soundtrack from the kitchen TV. As Richard Dawson smooched the ladies, Mom set the table. Dad slumped in his chair, grumpy from the 12-hour days he spent folding other people’s underwear and towels.

但我們家是這樣的。我的父母是1970年代移居舊金山的中國移民，廚房的電視響起《家庭問答》(Family Feud)的配樂會告訴我們，到吃飯時間了。媽媽在理查德·道森(Richard Dawson)親吻女士的時候擺好桌子。因為每天12小時摺疊別人的內衣和毛巾而心情煩躁的爸爸癱坐在椅子上。

By the first question, we were slurping soup and reaching across the table with our chopsticks. By the second question, we were playing along. Sometimes we joked about the matching outfits we’d wear on the show. Other times, my sister and I used our awkward Chinglish to translate phrases like “name the most macho guy in Hollywood.” Dad insisted that if we ever made it onto the show, one of his daughters must play the head of household role.

節目裡問第一個問題時，我們吸溜著湯，用筷子越過桌子夾菜。到第二個問題時，我們會參與答題。有時我們開玩笑說，我們上台的話會穿統一服裝。有時我和姐姐用笨拙的中式英語翻譯「說出好萊塢最有雄性魅力的男性的名字」之類的短語。爸爸堅持說，如果我們有一天能上節目，家長角色需要由他的其中一個女兒來承擔。

Other evenings, we ate to the CBS Evening News with Dan Rather. The day the space shuttle Challenger exploded was one of the few times we let the food grow cold. As the president addressed the nation, Mom couldn’t help but repeat what we had already heard her say dozens of times.

有時我們晚上會邊吃飯邊看丹·拉瑟(Dan Rather)的CBS晚間新聞。「挑戰者號」穿梭機爆炸的那一晚，我們任憑食物慢慢變冷。在總統向全國講話時，媽媽忍不住重複了我們已經聽她講了幾十遍的話。

“Baba shuai,” she said, using the Mandarin word for handsome. “Look like Chinese Ronald Reagan,” she said, gesturing toward Dad’s jet-black hair, molded with Dippity-Do into the same tornado-resistant shape.

「爸爸帥，」她說，「長得像中國的羅納德·雷根(Ronald Reagan)。」她指著爸爸那頭烏黑的頭髮，用Dippity-Do髮膠塑造成龍捲風也吹不亂的形狀。

When these shows were over, dinner and the only time we spent together were over.

節目結束時，晚餐這段我們唯一的共度時間也就結束了。

As a child, I knew families were supposed to plant carrots, drive to Christmas tree farms, and tell campfire stories. I knew my parents were supposed to sit across from me and ask me about school. But we did none of those things. Family time for us meant sitting with our chairs angled, as they always were, toward that box.

小時候，我知道一家人需要種胡蘿蔔，開車去聖誕樹農場，講篝火故事。我知道我的父母應該坐在我對面，問我在學校裡的事情。但是我們沒有做任何這些事。對我們來說，家庭時光意味著坐在朝向那個盒子的椅子上，而椅子永遠保持那個角度。

I moved out for good in the mid ’90s. But whenever I visited, it was the same routine, except that I got more of my favorite foods: Cantonese poached chicken with ginger oil, stir-fried Chinese broccoli, and tofu in soy sauce and Shaoxing wine. Dad bought dan tat, or sweet egg tarts, so we’d have dessert as a reason to linger at the table for one more show.

我從90年代中開始離家自己生活。但是每次回來還是那一套，不同的是我吃到了更多最喜歡的食物：廣式姜油燉雞、炒芥蘭、豉油和紹興黃酒做的豆腐。爸爸買了蛋撻，這樣我們就有了甜品，也就有了在餐桌上多看一個節目的理由。

What we watched, however, started to change. I introduced my parents to “Friends.” Mom’s favorite was Joey because he was lovably hu li hu tu, or scatterbrained. But when it came to Ross, she thought Rachel could do better.

但是，我們在電視上看到的東西開始發生變化。我向父母推薦了《六人行》(Friends)。媽媽的最愛是喬伊，因為他的糊裡糊塗很可愛。但是當談到羅斯時，她認為瑞秋可以選個更好的。

My sister was more daring. She invited Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte to our kitchen table.

我姐姐更大膽。她把嘉莉、米蘭達、薩曼莎和夏洛特請到了我們的廚房餐桌。

“Aiyyaaa,” was all my dad could utter, shaking his head in disapproval. Even in its syndicated version, there was no avoiding the fact that “Sex and the City” existed in a different galaxy than “Mork and Mindy.”

「哎呀，」我父親能做的只有哼唧，不認同地搖頭。即使是重播，也無法避免《慾望都市》(Sex and the City)與《默克和明蒂》屬於兩個世界的事實。

My sister wasn’t the only one to bring tension to the table. About 10 years ago, Fox News started joining us for dinner. Before that, the only political critique I had ever heard my parents offer was that George W. Bush’s eyes were too close together. That, Mom insisted, was a bad sign. But now, egged on by cable news pundits, my parents started something new: ranting.

我的姐姐不是唯一一個把緊張局勢帶上餐桌的人。大約10年前，福克斯新聞開始與我們共進晚餐。在此之前，我聽過父母提出的唯一政治批評是喬治·W·布希(George W. Bush)的兩眼相距太近。媽媽堅稱，那是一個不好的面相。但是現在，在有線電視新聞專家的推動下，我的父母開始了新的嘗試：發牢騷。

“Too many immigrants. Taking jobs. Not respecting the way we do things here,” my dad said out of the blue one evening, after we had just sat down to braised pork belly and bok choy.

「太多移民了。搶了工作。不尊重我們在這裡做事的方式，」一天晚上，在我們剛坐下準備吃紅燒肉和白菜之後，我父親突然說。

I didn’t know whether to laugh at the irony of his statement, or to rage back my disagreement. I did neither. Habit took over and I just changed the channel. Although Richard Dawson was long gone, I was never as grateful as I was then to hear the familiar game show theme song.

我不知道是否該嘲笑他這種言論的諷刺意味，還是要以我的反對意見來反擊。兩個我都沒選。我習慣性地只是換了頻道。儘管理查德·道森早已不在，但聽到那熟悉的遊戲節目主題曲，我是感激不盡的。

About a year ago, they noticed their cable bill inching up toward $200, and decided it was just too much. After many discussions, we settled on a $40 digital antenna. They would still get the same live TV experience, but no more cable news, I warned. The idea of free TV forever, however, overrode all else. And with that, my 80-year-old parents cut the cord.

大約一年前，他們注意到自己的有線電視費用已逼近200美元，並認為這太高了。經過多次討論，我們決定購買一個40美元的數字天線。我提醒他們說，他們仍將獲得同樣的直播電視體驗，但看不了任何有線新聞。然而，永遠免費的電視節目超越了一切。我80歲的父母就這樣和有線新聞一刀兩斷了。

Since then, we’ve discovered how eclectic the programs can be on locally broadcast channels. I go home now to find my dad watching GRIT, a station devoted entirely to old Westerns, or my mom engrossed with a chubby, middle-aged lady in a Hello Kitty apron showing viewers how to make Taiwanese oyster omelets.

從那以後，我們發現本地電視台的節目實在是五花八門。現在我回到家，會看到爸爸在看專放西部老片的GRIT台，或者看到媽媽聚精會神地看著一位胖乎乎的中年女士穿著凱蒂貓圍裙，教觀眾怎麼做台灣蚵仔煎。

When I was a child, I decided it was better to lie to teachers or other well-meaning adults when they asked what kinds of things we did as a family. It felt easier than admitting the truth — that we didn’t do anything together except watch TV.

小時候，如果老師或者其他好心的大人問起我們一家人都在一起做什麼，我覺得最好還是對他們撒謊。這好像比承認事實要容易多了——除了看電視，我們什麼都不一起做。

After four decades at the same white table with its wobbly yellow legs, I now understand that we were, despite what Jenni-Lynn’s mom thought, communicating deeply with each other after all. We just needed a way to convey the things we couldn’t express directly because of language, cultural or generational differences. The TV became our universal translator.

四十年來，我們一直圍坐在一張白色的桌邊，黃色的桌腿有點搖晃，現在我明白了，不管詹妮-林恩的媽媽怎麼想，我們終歸還是在進行深入交流。我們只是需要一種方式來表達那些因為語言、文化或代際差異而無法直接表達的東西。電視成了我們的萬能翻譯機。

Through our favorite game show, my parents acknowledged how much they relied on me and my sister to take the lead for them. Through my favorite sitcom, Mom conveyed, implicitly, that she knew how lonely I was after my first breakup, and that I deserved better, just like Rachel. And through my parents’ political outbursts, I have grudgingly come to accept that they are, after many decades of feeling like outsiders, expressing a sense of belonging by claiming this country as their own.

通過我們最喜歡的遊戲節目，父母承認他們要依賴我和姐姐來指揮他們。通過我最喜歡的情景喜劇，媽媽含蓄地表達了她知道我第一次分手後有多麼孤獨，我應該像瑞秋一樣得到更好的生活。通過父母在政治上的衝動，我也勉強地接受了這樣一個事實：幾十年來，他們一直感覺像是局外人，如今，通過宣稱這個國家是他們自己的國家，他們是在表達一種歸屬感。

Because of Covid-19, I only recently started seeing my parents again, after many months away. Despite everything going on, I still come home to find a young Ronald Reagan appearing in “Santa Fe Trail” or “The Last Outpost,” looking like the all-American hero my parents remember him as. Without fail, my mom describes how handsome my dad was as a young man, with his perfectly gelled copycat hairstyle. I resist the urge to tell her she’s said this hundreds of times. I just remind myself that there are fewer of these dinners together ahead of us than there are behind us. I just listen as I reach for more food. And, together, we all smile back at the TV.

由於新冠病毒，離開家好幾個月之後，我最近才得以再次去看望父母。儘管發生了這麼多事，一回到家，我還是會看到年輕的羅納德·雷根(Ronald Reagan)出現在《聖菲小路》(Santa Fe Trail)或《最後前哨》(The Last Outpost)當中，看起來就像是父母記憶中的典型美國英雄。媽媽總是說，爸爸年輕時噴著髮膠，留著完美的模仿髮型，是那麼的英俊。我忍著沒有告訴她，這話她已經說過幾百遍了。我只是提醒自己，今後我們一起這樣吃晚飯的機會，比我們以前在一起吃飯的次數要少了。我只是邊吃邊聽。然後，我們一起對著電視微笑。