The online dating scene can be pretty creepy, especially for women. According to a 2020 study by the Pew Research Center, six out of ten adult women under 34 said they’d been pursued on a dating platform by someone after they said they weren’t interested. A similar share (57%) of the same demographic surveyed said they’d been sent unsolicited sexual images or messages.
The study also showed that violent interactions are more common for young women on dating apps. Of those surveyed, 19% said someone on a dating app threatened to physically harm them, which is a little more than twice the rate reported by young men.
There are myriad dating apps available, which, according to a recent study from NordVPN, are among the least privacy-friendly apps because they request large amounts of personal data. The apps may be collecting lots of information in the background, but romance scammers and other predators are in the foreground on these platforms, and they're leading lonely hearts to ruin.
I spoke to two experts about dating app safety. They say that tweaking some of your online habits and seeking protection via a supportive community may help safeguard your emotional and physical health while finding love online. There is no way to stay completely safe while dating online, but you'll increase your chances by keeping the following tips in mind.
1. Stop Oversharing on Your Dating Profile
"Less is more" should be your guiding principle when filling out your online dating profile and choosing which photos of yourself to share. You can usually skip sections of the dating profile, for example.
"Practice safety and discernment, but at some point, to connect in the dating sphere, you cannot be anonymous forever," said Tracy Schorn, a relationship blogger who runs The Chump Lady podcast and website. Schorn has written extensively about ways to recover from abusive relationships, offline and online.
Use common sense when creating dating profiles, Schorn said, which includes keeping your kids out of your photos. Also, make up a new screen name instead of using the same one you use everywhere.
Matthew Seymour, an online dating expert at Healthy Framework, told me that it's a good idea to look at your profile from a different perspective. “Approach your photos the way someone with bad intentions might. See what information you may be inadvertently giving away."
For example, make sure the photos in your dating profile don’t show your work ID badge, street signs that indicate where you live, or other sensitive personal information.
2. Maintain Personal Boundaries While Online Dating
Dating forces us be vulnerable with someone new. Sadly, people will prey on that vulnerability, and it’s not your fault if you’re taken for a ride. “It's what you do next,” said Schorn. “Have boundaries, and when a red flag presents itself, act.”
To reinforce personal boundaries, first determine where you want to draw lines. It’s different for all of us. Are you OK with everyone on a dating app knowing your real name? How long will you chat with someone before meeting them in person? Boundaries are highly personal, so find what works for you and hold firm.
Schorn explained that anyone who pressures you to get into a serious relationship quickly or asks you for a lot (emotionally, financially, physically) but doesn’t reciprocate, could be searching for something more sinister than romance. Emotionally charged, high-pressure, or time-sensitive requests, like those used by romance scammers, are all ways to test or weaken your boundaries and make you more likely to cave in to their demands.
3. Find a Supportive Online Community
Sometimes we need help spotting red flags. Is a person’s photo a little too good to be true? Are they seeking a long-distance relationship? Do their conversation skills match their profile description?
“If a profile looks sketchy," Schorn said, "post it in a closed support group online. Chances are, someone else got the same Navy Seal who's out on secret medical missions.”
Leaning on kind strangers in the form of an internet support community can also bolster you through the emotional turmoil of a bad online romance. After an encounter with a predator, “You might be wobbly," said Schorn. “[A community] can give you some perspective you might need.”
4. React to Red Flags Fast
If you feel unsafe while communicating with someone on a dating app, follow your intuition and cut contact. Screenshot the profile, block the perpetrator on all platforms, and then circle your proverbial wagons and tell your community what happened. Talking to the people you trust about what happened to you can help you recover from a bad experience.
“Don’t feel embarrassed. Don't feel like you have some tractor beam that attracts losers to you," said Schorn. “It's a numbers game. It's nothing personal.”
Victims’ voices are often their best weapons, but the embarrassment and shame people feel from being preyed upon keeps them from sharing their stories. This leads to the false perception that you’re experiencing a unique nightmare, when in reality, you’re probably one of many.
“Make the price of f*cking with you very high,” Schorn recommended. Talk to local law enforcement if you feel like your personal safety is in jeopardy, and report any scamming activity to your credit card company and the FTC. You should also tell your family and friends what happened.
Don't Forget: Take It Slow While Dating Online
Predators who victimize people seeking relationships on dating apps will always be around. The experts say that the key to dating successfully online is the same as it is offline: Take things slow, and form relationships based on shared interests and an appreciation for your prospective partner’s personality.
Check out PCMag’s list of the best dating apps and video dating apps, and click through for thoughts from a dating app founder about ways to find love online.