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1.27 mi | ASHBURN 20147
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On This Day in History Sh!t Went Down Paperback – October 10, 2023
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Those who cannot remember the past . . . need a history teacher who says “f*ck” a lot.
Nazis are bad. The worst kind of bad. There are no very fine people among them. If you disagree, you won’t like this book.
Still here? Cool. You are about to receive an education unlike any you’ve previously experienced. In this uproarious and informative tour from ancient times to the modern day and everything in between, James Fell, the self-proclaimed “sweary historian,” reveals a past replete with deeds both noble and despicable. Throughout the book, he provides insightful analysis of all the sh!t that went down. Behold!
• In 1927, actress Mae West was sent to jail for “corrupting the morals of youth” with her first Broadway play, titled Sex. She served the time and followed up with a play about homosexuality.
• In 1419, church reformers in Prague, vexed over their leader having been burned at the stake, defenestrated city leaders from a high window. They died, because those kinds of Czechs don’t bounce.
• If you were in the province of Shaanxi in China on January 23, 1556, then it sucked to be you. It wasn’t the biggest earthquake ever, but it was the deadliest day in history.
• In 362 B.C.E., a battle between Greek city states debilitated both sides, making the region ripe for conquering by Phillip of Macedon—aka Alex the Great’s dad—and spelling the end of Greek democracy.
• In 1343, the husband of noblewoman Jeanne de Clisson was unjustly executed by the king of France. Furious, Jeanne became a pirate, selling all her possessions to fund a fleet and exact revenge.
• During World War II, three Dutch teens used their beauty to lure Nazis into the forest with the promise of a good time, then out came the guns and BLAM! They sent them off to Nazi hell.
If reading history doesn’t make you want to swear like a mom with a red-wine hangover walking barefoot through a LEGO-filled living room, then you’re not reading the right history. Across the ages, over 100 billion humans have lived and died. Some were motivated by greed, others by generosity. Many dedicated themselves to the art of killing, while others were focused on curing. There have been grave mistakes, and moments of greatness. And that is why . . . sh!t happens. Every day.
- Print length432 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherBantam
- Publication dateOctober 10, 2023
- Dimensions7.34 x 0.92 x 9.06 inches
- ISBN-100593724089
- ISBN-13978-0593724088
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From the Publisher
![History at its irreverent best.](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/S/aplus-media-library-service-media/177f968e-6bfa-4a71-8bec-af22b61e14f7.__CR0,0,970,300_PT0_SX970_V1___.jpg)
![Those who can’t remember the past… need a history teacher who swears a lot.](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/S/aplus-media-library-service-media/daefc108-b4af-4a73-babe-62596e6cb403.__CR0,0,970,300_PT0_SX970_V1___.jpg)
Editorial Reviews
About the Author
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Does a bear shit in the woods? Duh. Does a horse shit in the house? If you don’t want it stolen by mutineers during the American Revolution and the best place to hide said horse is in a second-floor bedroom, then yeah, the horse shits in your house. This, in part, is the story of Tempe Wick.
Tempe was a woman, not a horse. The horse’s name was Colonel. Anyf***ingway, mutiny.
The Pennsylvania Line Mutiny began on January 1, 1781, among Continental Army soldiers. If you’re American, those were the good guys. Regardless, they were pissed about not getting paid for being shot at by those tea-drinking asswipes in the red coats.
The Pennsylvania soldiers were treated like shit. In addition to no pay, the housing conditions were deplorable. Even General George Washington agreed. Literally, their rights were being violated; the state of Pennsylvania disregarded their terms of enlistment. So, they mutinied in Morristown, New Jersey, shooting one of their captains in the process, and headed for Philadelphia on New Year’s Day. Yes, alcohol was involved.
Why Philadelphia? Because that’s where the Continental Congress was located. They intended to confront the assembled Founding Fathers and other rich white dudes and say hey motherf***ers army life sucks make it suck less please. For anyone paying attention on January 6, 2021, such banging on the doors of Congress may seem eerily familiar. Except not really. Unlike the deranged followers of Tangerine Palpatine, the 1781 mutineers had no intention of actually harming any members of Congress.
So, a horse shits in a house. The mutineers raided supplies for their journey, including horses. Tempe Wick, age twentytwo, lived in Jockey Hollow, New Jersey. Her father recently deceased, she cared for her sick mother and mentally ill brother. Her mother’s health took a downward turn, and Tempe rode Colonel to fetch the doctor. Along the way, three mutineers intercepted her and said give us that f***ing horse. She said okay, asking the soldier holding Colonel’s bridle to help her dismount. Chivalry not being dead, he said sure and the moment he let go of the bridle she said, “Psych!” and kicked Colonel into a gallop.
January 1, 1781
The soldiers knew where she lived, so putting Colonel in the barn wouldn’t suffice. She led the equine upstairs and had him stand on a feather mattress to muffle his hooves, hiding him there for three weeks. Three weeks? That’s a whole mess of horseshit. Fortunately, the soldiers never thought to search the second floor and she got to keep the family quadruped.
And the mutineers? The British said hey come fight for us we’ll pay you. They said we’re mutineers not traitor traitors, so get fornicated. Then the Pennsylvania government cut a deal with the mutineers in midJanuary that brought an end to the crisis. Inspired by this, the New Jersey Line mutinied days later and Washington said not this bullshit again and crushed the mutiny by force.
Lotta crazy shit happened in Spain in 1492. The crown financed Columbus raping a continent, they kicked out the Jews, and they also finally kicked out the Muslims. I say “finally” because they had been fighting since the Muslims invaded the region over seven centuries earlier. The Spanish victory was deemed a reconquering of their own territory. That’s why they called it the Reconquista.
January 2, 1492
By 711, a mere century after it had begun, Islam had spread across North Africa and crossed the Strait of Gibraltar to invade the Iberian Peninsula. How did it spread so far so fast? The same way many religions spread, not through peaceful explanation of the revelations of the prophet but by the sword. Convert, or die.
At the time of the Muslim conquest, the region that would come to be known as Spain and Portugal was a divided Visigoth kingdom that could not mount a unified defense against Muslim invaders, and over the next fifteen years the invaders conquered most of the peninsula, with the exception of the northwest corner. And it was from that corner the Reconquista launched, pretty much right away, but wow was it slow going.
Almost eight motherf***ing centuries of fighting to take back the territory, which of course involved the forcible conversion of Muslims (and Jews) to Christianity. On January 2, 1492, the Emirate of Granada in the southeast of Spain, the final Muslim stronghold on the peninsula, surrendered to the Christian forces.
The interesting thing is that during the Islamic occupation of Spain, the invaders had been pretty tolerant of other religions, and many Christians and Jews and Muslims lived side by side, mostly in peace. Muslims had little tolerance for polytheists because ONE GOD! But since Jews and Christians are monotheists (mostly), you could keep those faiths if you were willing to pay extra taxes for the privilege.
But as the reconquest moved south, the tolerance for anything not Christian was paltry, and this included Jews. A few months after the surrender at Granada, there was a decree that any Jews remaining in the country had to convert to Christianity or get the f*** out. And many did convert, but others refused. Approximately 100,000 Jews were expelled, and thousands died during their flight.
They say no one expects the Spanish Inquisition, but they kinda telegraphed that shit.
The focus of this story takes place a decade previous, but I must begin by saying that the end of the shogunate in Japan deserved a better Hollywood telling than Tom Cruise as a white savior for a lost cause in The Last Samurai. Watching that movie, I kind of wanted the samurai to lose. And lose they did, because they brought knives to a gunfight. They were really big and very sharp knives, but the guys fighting for the Meiji Empire had rapid-firing rifles. Some putz with a few weeks’ rifle training can kill the shit out of almost anyone who’s spent their life studying the blade, so long as they keep their distance.
Now to our story. In 1600, after winning the Battle of Sekigahara, the Tokugawa Shogunate came to rule Japan by ending the period of civil wars that had lasted over a century. One of the first things they did was kick out all the dirty foreigners, especially the Christians trying to convert their population. Thus began a period of over two centuries of peace, prosperity, and isolation from Western influences.
By the mid-nineteenth century, the shogunate was in decline, and in 1853 the American navy showed up to negotiate a treaty to open the country to trade. The Japanese took one look at how technologically advanced these foreign ships were and went oh f*** we need to get some of that. And so, there was a revolution to overthrow the isolationist factions of the shogunate and restore imperial rule in Japan and open the country to foreign technology so it wouldn’t be colonized by countries with far superior weaponry.
Product details
- Publisher : Bantam (October 10, 2023)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 432 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0593724089
- ISBN-13 : 978-0593724088
- Item Weight : 2.31 pounds
- Dimensions : 7.34 x 0.92 x 9.06 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #15,889 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #11 in History Humor (Books)
- #23 in Trivia (Books)
- #29 in Women in History
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
![James Fell](https://cdn.statically.io/img/m.media-amazon.com/images/S/amzn-author-media-prod/fhse4mb4d6lvn6jfli2j9dha2c._SY600_.jpg)
James Fell has written columns for the Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Chatelaine, and AskMen. He has also written for TIME Magazine, NPR, Guardian, Men’s Health, and Women’s Health.
After a dozen years of writing about fitness and motivation, he suddenly switched genres to begin writing about history, a subject for which he has a master’s degree, in a sweary and sarcastic manner. Much to his surprise, it proved immensely popular, instantly garnering millions of readers each month. He continues to post history stories daily on his Facebook page (@BodyForWife) and is one of the most popular writers on Substack at JamesFell.Substack.com.
Customer reviews
Customer Reviews, including Product Star Ratings help customers to learn more about the product and decide whether it is the right product for them.
To calculate the overall star rating and percentage breakdown by star, we don’t use a simple average. Instead, our system considers things like how recent a review is and if the reviewer bought the item on Amazon. It also analyzed reviews to verify trustworthiness.
Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the writing style well-written with nice little details. They also describe the book as easily digestible, with bit-sized morsels of daily history. Readers appreciate the humor, saying it makes the book funny and salty. They say the historical content is amazing and creative, making it interesting and entertaining. Customers also appreciate the storytelling, saying the book has great storytelling and interesting facets.
AI-generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers find the historical content amazing, funny, and well-placed. They also say the author is knowledgeable, factual, and hates Nazis and racists. Overall, readers say the book is an indispensable addition to anyone's library.
"...It is written in quick reading chapters and makes history much easier to take in than it might otherwise be...." Read more
"...His accounts of historical events are highly entertaining, and perfectly accurate. He has opinions. He tells you what they are...." Read more
"This is simply the best history book ever. The writing is spot on, and the telling is hilarious...." Read more
"...The stories are well researched and engaging to read. Some people get upset by the liberal use of profanity used by the author...." Read more
Customers find the book's content interesting and entertaining. They say it gets kids reading actual history that really happened at a level most people do. They also mention that the book brings history to life in short, daily snippets that are easy and entertaining to read.
"...It is amazing how much context he can fit into a page...." Read more
"An amusing little history book. Nice little details, clever insults, and a good dose of not following the more traditional approach...." Read more
"...It's a fun way to learn about history in daily chunks, bigger than the bites one might get from a page-a-day calendar or similar, yet smaller than..." Read more
"...fraction of it, but it does it well, with great storytelling and interesting facets...." Read more
Customers find the humor in the book interesting, snarky, and creative. They say the book is written in a way that entertains as well as informs.
"...He uses a wide variety of creative profanity. His accounts of historical events are highly entertaining, and perfectly accurate. He has opinions...." Read more
"An amusing little history book. Nice little details, clever insults, and a good dose of not following the more traditional approach...." Read more
"...The writing is spot on, and the telling is hilarious. My history classes in school did not come close to capturing my interest like this book did...." Read more
"Fell is accurate, funny, and irreverent as hell...." Read more
Customers find the writing style interesting, well-written, casual, and easy to pick up. They also appreciate the simple, concise bullet point details, structure, and colorful language. Readers also mention that the book is unique, educational, and has quick bite-sized reads of one page.
"...It is written in quick reading chapters and makes history much easier to take in than it might otherwise be...." Read more
"An amusing little history book. Nice little details, clever insults, and a good dose of not following the more traditional approach...." Read more
"...And yes. This book does have swear words in it...." Read more
"This is simply the best history book ever. The writing is spot on, and the telling is hilarious...." Read more
Customers find the book a casual, easy read with bite-sized morsels of daily history.
"...though, it is an enjoyable and casual read that is very easy to pick up a little bit every night before bed...." Read more
"...The one anecdote per page format makes it perfect for picking up to fill short bursts of time -- however it can also sucker you in to read "just..." Read more
"...But the content is presented in easily digestible bite-sized offerings, which makes it the perfect coffee table book...." Read more
"...It brings history to life in short, daily snippets that are easy and entertaining to read...." Read more
Customers find the storytelling in the book great and interesting. They also say the book is filled with short entries about events.
"...The stories are short--one page for one day in history, 366 stories per book...." Read more
"...The book is filled with short entries--like maybe 2-3 pages at most--about events that happened on certain days of the year...." Read more
"...fraction of a tiny fraction of it, but it does it well, with great storytelling and interesting facets...." Read more
"...Yes, it's sweary and he's 12, but it's also real stories, many of which he hasn't already heard, told in entertaining, digestible bits, and he is..." Read more
Customers find the book funny and sweary. They also say the fact that it's filled with swearing is a bonus.
"...Yeah, you get the idea. Laugh out loud and full of swear words and accurate descriptions of something that happened on each day of the year..." Read more
"The fact that it's filed with swearing is a bonus!..." Read more
"...Yes, it is sweary, but history isn’t all pretty and flowery. Some not so cool stuff happened in the past 3 millennia...." Read more
"...I love these short stories about history told daily with lots of swearing for good measure...." Read more
Customers say the book is a great gift.
"...history presented in our exact style of humor, so this book made a great xmas present. Bonus points that I get to read it, too." Read more
"...The whole family enjoyed it so much. Makes a great gift!(Part II is equally awesome, btw!)" Read more
"...Perfect coffee table book. Perfect bathroom reader. Perfect gift for the history buff or anyone who loves a good read. Love this guy!" Read more
"The perfect gift for the HS senior who is a history buff." Read more
Reviews with images
![Interesting, Fun Historical Facts !](https://cdn.statically.io/img/images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/transparent-pixel._V192234675_.gif)
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Top reviews
Top reviews from the United States
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If you made it through my first paragraph and are still interested, then buy this book. Buy the sequel. Leave them where your kids will find them, but only after you have had a chance to read them. This may be the only history book they will read voluntarily. I had mine for only a few hours when my son claimed it.
The stories are short--one page for one day in history, 366 stories per book. They are great for people who feel they don't have time to read a whole book at once, or who have ADHD, or just like to get information in bite-sized pieces. It is amazing how much context he can fit into a page. You not only get the specific event associated with that day, you also get factors that led up to it and why it matters.
The book is filled with short entries--like maybe 2-3 pages at most--about events that happened on certain days of the year. These stories are about events that happened all over the world. All these stories that reflects the idea that maybe colonialism IS bad, and maybe Black and Brown people DID get screwed by white colonists.
I'm more informed about American and world history than most Americans, and even so, I've learned some pretty interesting stuff.
And yes. This book does have swear words in it. And some very creative ways of using those swear words in combinations that have made me laugh out loud on multiple occasions. If you buy this book and you're all *gasp* "it has swear words!!!", did it ever occur to you that a book titled "On This Day, 💩 Went Down" is probably not going to be written in toddler-friendly language? No? Then don't come here and give the book one star because you lack the cognitive ability to make guesses about the content.
Top reviews from other countries
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The author has found a way to make recent and ancient history captivating and compelling - I couldn’t put the book down! And my nephew loved the sweary writing - I think he found it fun.
The writing is excellent - I highly recommend this book. Time for me to order the sequel!
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I found these stories to be quite fascinating and well worth the read. Regarding the writing style, I found it to be quite unique: the f-word and the s-word are not only liberally used but so are all the related derivatives, combinations and constructions that I could ever imagine and a lot more that I had never heard of, along with other words that fit right in, if you know what I mean. Overall, a fascinating as well as entertaining book that’s never ever boring.