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By Nicole Ireland The Canadian Press
Andrea Robin Skinner shared her story of sexual abuse starting at age nine by her stepfather, Gerald Fremlin, in a first-person essay published in the Toronto Star on Sunday. She wrote about the pain she felt when her mother chose to stay with Fremlin after learning about the abuse – and the silence that surrounded her trauma.
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Skinner said her voice was finally heard decades later at The Gatehouse in Toronto, a volunteer-driven agency dedicated to helping survivors of childhood sexual abuse.
“It was incredibly courageous of Andrea to come forward and tell her story,” Arthur Lockhart, founder of The Gatehouse, said in an interview on Monday.
“What Andrea’s voice did was draw attention to a very profound issue in our culture,” he said. “So often we don’t give attention to people who have been sexually harmed.”
Maria Barcelos, executive director of The Gatehouse, said it’s unfortunately “quite common” for parents of abused children to dismiss the trauma their child shares with them as an adult, as Skinner said Munro did.
“My mother reacted as if she had learned of an infidelity. I had a sense that she was working hard to forgive me,” Skinner said in her essay, describing Munro’s reaction to a letter she finally wrote when she was 25, telling her about the abuse.
Barcelos said Skinner’s experience shows how survivors struggle to find a ”safe” place to come forward.
“As a survivor, (Andrea) felt invalidated and essentially silenced by her family,” she said. “What we’re dealing with here is a culture of shame and not knowing how to get support in the aftermath of child abuse happening.”
Survivors of childhood sexual abuse are prone to a myriad of mental and physical health issues as they carry that misplaced shame and guilt, Barcelos said, including suicide and suicide attempts.
They often suffer from nightmares and anxiety. Eating disorders including anorexia nervosa, bulimia and overeating are common — as is alcohol and drug use — as survivors try “to cope with feelings of shame, guilt, fear (and) neglect,” she said.
Many survivors get into dysfunctional relationships, which could include “jumping from relationship to relationship, looking for love and affection,” Barcelos said.
Survivors of sexual abuse are also at least twice as likely to suffer from intimate partner violence than others, she added.
About 27 per cent of Canadians in a 2018 survey said they had experienced childhood victimization – including at least one instance of physical or sexual abuse by an adult – before age 15, according to a Statistics Canada report.
Men who were sexually abused as children often face a “gender-based bias” where others doubt that this could have happened to them, said Lockhart.
That leads to “incredible self-doubt, incredible disbelief that ‘I’m a good person, that there has to be something wrong with me,’” he said.
Sexual abuse can drastically change the course of children’s lives, driving some into homelessness because it’s safer to live on the street than at home, Lockhart said.
Governments and society need to do a much better job of creating an environment where children can recognize that what’s happening to them is abuse and not normal, as well as empowering kids to know they can get help, he said.
In Ontario, The Gatehouse is advocating for the passage of Bill 123, which would require school boards to inform students in an age-appropriate way about recognizing child sexual abuse and reporting it to a trusted adult.
More government funds are also needed for services across the country to support people who have suffered childhood sexual abuse, Barcelos said.
Clementine Morrigan, a Montreal writer who studies trauma, childhood sexual abuse and incest and is also an abuse survivor, agreed, saying that covering such programs under public health plans would make a big difference.
“If we want justice for children who are sexually abused ... it’s about giving survivors what they actually need to heal, which would be like access to trauma therapy for free,” Morrigan said.
WHERE TO GET HELP:
If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, call or text 988. Support is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
If you are in crisis, call 911 or your local distress centre.
The Gatehouse can be reached at 416-255-5900, ext. 222.
With files from Nicole Thompson.
Canadian Press health coverage receives support through a partnership with the Canadian Medical Association. CP is solely responsible for this content.
